Contains abuse - How do I help my abused mother

[Ska]

My mom and dad have been together for 30+ years, and he's been beating her since she was about 16. My dad punches her, slaps her, kicks her, throws things at her, and spits on her. He's cheated on her 3 times, this last time resulting in his 23 year old girlfriend getting pregnant. I'm 22 and no longer live at home, I'm a dude too...

The first time he ever hit me was my 15th birthday. My mom made a cake and threw me a party I was supposed to invite friends to. I didn't invite people because I didn't want them to see what my parents were really like. I left the room and could hear him telling her that the decorations were terrible and the cake looked disgusting (it was beautiful, she did a great job) I ran in told him off, and got punched in the face and kicked in the stomach. They went upstairs had sex, and left me on the ground. I ran away until her friend saw me walking and called them.

The last few weeks she's started getting away and coming here. I let her sleep in my bed and take the couch. Last week she called me while I was with my girlfriend and begged me to come home. I did, he was there. He hit me on the side of the head and I blacked out for a minute. He went to jail, but sure enough she went and got him out.


I'm worried about her taking over my life. I'm worried about her getting killed, I'm worried about her ruining things with my girlfriend.... What should I do?

[CrazyAboutMonkeys]

Can you tell the police to use the witness protection of you and your mom?? I think they would puts you in a safe way instead of him hurting your mom like that..Can you and your mom out somewhere far away from him? if not, use the witness protection program to keep you both safe while he's out there.

Do you have any support out there?

Make sure you take your mom with you because he was doing in her head at times so just make sure keep her safe with you.

Take care

[Sarah]

This may not be the response you are looking for, but your mom is an adult and only she has the ability to choose to stop what is happening to her.

I think you should try and get her to go to a woman's shelter where there is lots of support, in order to give her a network which may convince her not to go back. If she is not dependent on him financially, then therapy is also an option which may be able to build up her confidence in order to leave. This will likely take a great deal of time considering the length of time it has been going on.

You, as an adult, can have him done for assault. This may be a way to get him away from your mum and also keep you safe.

You need to look after you, and that means not going to their house every time she calls. If you are happy for her to come to yours, that would be a better alternative for the time being.

Talk to your mom. Tell her how it makes you feel. Tell her she is worthwhile, a lovely person and deserves better and that you will help her to get there.
That is as much support as you can give her at this time, but hopefully she will listen and you can both work towards getting yourselves away from him.