The next morning, a Saturday, my alarm rang at 6am. I dragged myself out of bed, needing to be up for work. I turned on the shower and, whilst I waited for it to heat up, I pulled off the clothes I had fallen asleep in, stowing them in the washing hamper. The water was close to boiling, turning my skin cherry red as I washed and combed my hair. Even for me, it was too hot to stand for long, and I finished quickly, opening the window to let the cool morning air soothe my skin. As I brushed my teeth, I stared at my reflection in the mirror, grimacing. My hair, although just washed and conditioned, was lank and lifeless. My skin was pale and dry, in poor condition. My eyes, as usual, were heavily bloodshot, giving me the appearance of an alcoholic not long off a drinking session. My lips were cracked and sore.
Hurrying back into my room, I re-dressed the wounds on my arms, before shrugging on the long-sleeved black top I wore underneath my work shirt. I finished dressing and grabbed my bag before heading to the kitchen. I rushed through a mug of coffee, planted a kiss on the head of my mother, who was at the table eating breakfast, and left.
Arriving at work, I lost myself for several hours in the busy atmosphere of the restaurant serving food to the customers. While there, I could almost forget the problems I faced at home, forget Ryan, forget everything. I could be normal.
Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind.
To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse.
To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.
To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better.
This is really reallygood - can't w8 for more! xxx
StillBroken is my cool lil sis!!! - surprising mystery is my uber-cool monkey!!!zowie is my lil sis !!!!- LetDeathEmbraceUs is my Wolfie !!!
BrokenKisses is my DizzyCandyFloss !!! rachel487 is my lil sis !!! nuttergirl is my kool neice !!! CrazyKat is my book buddie !!!
NO MATTER HOW BAD YOU FEEL - ONE NICE PM TO SOMEONE NEW A DAY HELPS!!! TRY IT!!!
By midday, I had already decided that the whole day was a write-off. Mr Jeffries, the restaurant manager, called me into his office, not for the first time, to warn me about the non-regulation t-shirt I had on beneath my uniform. He informed me that if I did not remove it, I would be docked a full day's pay. Reluctantly, I did as he asked, but then had to endure repeated questions from the customers about the thick bandages on my arms. At first, I amused myself coming up with creative reasons, but after the tenth inquiry I became annoyed and refused to answer. Consequently, when I had my lunch break, I was called back to the office, where I was given £50 and informed that I had had three complaints against me, and was therefore not required to return that afternoon.
For the next few hours, I wandered the streets, reluctant to return home and admit to my family that I had been rejected yet again. I knew the conversation, knew my lines as well as they knew theirs, and there was little point in enduring it, when it would just wind me up. Eventually, I found myself in a park on the other side of the city, where I sat on a bench and waited for dark.
By 9pm most of the children playing on the park had gone home, and I moved to the swings, waiting for Jay to turn up. I never knew if that was his real name, but thats what everyone called him. I had met him over a year ago, introduced by Ryan, but up until today, I had never actually bought from him. The irony of the situation did not escape me. I was planning on escaping my thoughts of Ryan by buying drugs off a guy who I wouldn't even know if it wasn't for the bastard introducing us in the first place.
Hearing footsteps behind me, I turned to see Jay leading a group of teenagers from the trees. Most of them looked rough, not the sort of people I ever really spoke to. Most of them were in couples, and they stopped often to kiss and caress each other as they moved towards me. I recognised the effects of drug taking, and my heart sped through a combination of nerves and anticipation.
'Alright, darl'?' Jay smiled as he reached me. 'You're Ryan's girl, ain'cha? Where is he? I wanted to talk to him.'
'Ryan won't be here tonight, just me. I'm trying to forget the w*nker, all he's done is f*ck me round. Can you help?'
'You know I can, sweetie, but you gotta be able to show me the money first. We don't run a tab here.'
Swiftly, I dug through my bag, extracting my battered purse. I pulled out the fifty and held it out, wanting to be rid of the money. Jay's smile widened, and he tucked the money out of sight, before gesturing to a gorgeous, dark-haired boy who had been sitting alone on the roundabout.
'Chris, our friend here wants a hit, and I'm placing her in your care. Make this an evening to remember.'
Chris gestured for me to sit down beside him, and began preparing the drugs. Before long, I was breathing in the fumes, looking deep into his eyes, mouths almost touching. The drug lowered my inhibitions, erased all my worries and fears, and before long a feeling of complete elation washed over me. As Chris turned aside, I reached out to him, running my hand down his chest and stomach as our lips collided. Without thinking, I fumbled for the belt of his jeans, pulling them down his slender hips as he did the same to me.
PM me for this paragraph (censored)
After, we lay in the grass together, with my head on his chest and holding hands. We were naked, but it didn't seem to matter. This was perfect. The dawn was breaking, somewhere we had lost half the night, but it didn't worry me. Until I remembered.
Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind.
To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse.
To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.
To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better.
My exclamation caught the attention of everyone nearby. Reluctantly I sat up, struggling into my clothes, which were looking rather crumpled after their night on the park floor. I fumbled through my bag for my mobile, switching it on and fumbling in the PIN. Eventually, the welcome screen faded and I could see the texts and missed calls waiting for me. Chris read over my shoulder as I scrolled through, each getting more frantic as my parents wondered why I hadn’t come home from work. I sighed as I leaned back against him, feeling his hands running up and down the bare skin on my arms. I was in so much trouble. I got up to leave, but Jay stepped in front of me, blocking the path.
‘You gonna be back later, sweetheart? I’m sure Chris would be happy to show you some of our other hangouts.’ He grinned at me, making light of the comment.
My stomach flipped. I knew the answer I should give, that the night before had been a mistake, that there was no way I was going back. Instead, I found myself agreeing, arranging to meet them back at the park in two hours. Chris had already offered to drive me back to my house, and he took my hand as he lead me towards his car.
‘I really enjoyed last night.’ His eyes were serious as he looked at me. ‘I know we’ve only just met and everything, but I really like you. I don’t suppose you would go out with me sometime?’
For a few seconds, all I could do was stare at him. This gorgeous guy actually wanted to be with me? This had to be some sort of joke. I looked back at him, planning on telling him where to go, when I saw the look on his face. He was completely sincere, and instead, I found myself leaning in, gently kissing those full lips, whispering my answer so close our lips brushed.
‘Yes, of course.’
I felt more than saw him smile, and as we climbed into the car, he placed one hand on my leg. Leaning in for one last kiss, he started the engine and headed towards my parent’s house.
As we pulled up in the street outside, nerves overcame me. I wondered what the hell I was supposed to say to them. Sorry, I stayed out all night with some boy I’ve never met but don’t worry, I’m home now? Somehow, I didn’t think that was going to cut it.
I didn’t even have time to put my key in the door before it was wrenched open. My mother flew out, sobbing, and wrapped her arms around me, so tight I could barely breathe. For a few seconds, I leaned into her, glad of the time to compose myself before the showdown started.
My father was sat at the kitchen table, mug of coffee before him. He looked up as I came in, followed by my mother, who sat beside him. I leaned against the counter, bag in hand, in silence.
‘Where have you been?’ My father took the lead, as always.
‘Out. I lost track of time and so I stayed with a friend overnight.’
‘Why didn’t you call us? Your mother and I nearly rang the police, we were worried about you.’
I couldn’t hold back the snort of contempt, but he would have seen the look on my face anyway. I felt him get up and move towards me, but I refused to look at him. He grabbed my chin in one hand, raised the other one to strike.
‘Have you been drinking?’
I just looked at him. I didn’t have to answer his questions.
‘You’re on drugs, aren’t you? I can see it in your eyes. You stupid girl, you’re throwing everything away!’
The blow, when it came, rocked my head back against the cabinets. My back smashed into the drawer handle, drawing fresh blood. The inside of my mouth poured blood, sliced open by my teeth. I spat on the floor, bright red against the white tile.
‘Get out of this house. You’re not welcome here if you’re using. You have ten minutes to get your things before I call the police.’
I heard my mother sob as I ran from the room. Grabbing my backpack, I stuffed clean clothes, my mobile, charger and purse, all my money that I had saved and my first aid kit inside. The last things I packed were my blades, dug out from the bottom of the drawer where I usually kept them. Slamming the door behind me, I fled to the car, not wanting to look back.
Chris took one look at the overflowing bag and the look on my face and started the engine. As we pulled away, I broke down, sobs shaking my body over and over. I didn’t look up until I felt the car stop. Expecting the park, I looked up, but instead we were parked in a lane a few miles from my house. Chris climbed out and ran to my door. Pulling it open, he helped me out, and lead me through a nearby gate into a field, where he held me on his lap as my world fell apart.
‘Babe,’ I heard him say, ‘You don’t need them. You’ve got me now. Everything’s gonna be okay.’
Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind.
To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse.
To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.
To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better.
StillBroken is my cool lil sis!!! - surprising mystery is my uber-cool monkey!!!zowie is my lil sis !!!!- LetDeathEmbraceUs is my Wolfie !!!
BrokenKisses is my DizzyCandyFloss !!! rachel487 is my lil sis !!! nuttergirl is my kool neice !!! CrazyKat is my book buddie !!!
NO MATTER HOW BAD YOU FEEL - ONE NICE PM TO SOMEONE NEW A DAY HELPS!!! TRY IT!!!