binged and purged.
feeling really horrible, dizzy, cant sleep yet again.
i think ive put on weight, i dont know because im too scared to step on the scales but i think i have.
no, i know i have.
Through the dark, a strand of light, the light continued to get bright, with it came the strength to fight (Gem)
I've been doing OK. Not too much b/p but I've been restricting a lot. Tomorrow would have been my Grandads 80th birthday and so me & my family are going out for a meal to mark it. I'm scared. I don't want to eat at a restaurant. I can't control the portion sizes, or control how they cook it. I'm so so scared.
So far I have eaten 4!! rounds of white toast with jam on :/ bollocks. And not surprisingly my weight has increased. But I still want to pig out on more.
L_M_G is my mummy :) inkerman and razorbladedarling are my two non-identical twin sprogs (concieved on same day) Scabette< cos she has the cutest puppy dog eyes and i cant resist!feeling-afraid< my bottle of glitter!! which i just have to have :Pmidnight stars< my gorgeous sister, whom i love to bits ;) Dance With The Fairy< *star*gazing*buddie :] Broken-Fairy is my partner in crime ;) little_miss is my real life saviour PaperClip is my stationary queen
I feel horrible and huge.
I've already (nearly) eaten more than I said I'd eat today and that's not counting all the tic tacs, mints and chewing gum I've been popping like drugs because I don't dare put 'real' food in my mouth.
Well my eating is worse than ever. Im eating less than 500 calories a day and the thought of food makes me want to literally throw up. Food seems to becoming an enemy more and more each day, even things lyk apples and vegetables are hard for me to swallow. I spend all morning trying my best not to faint and drinking gallons of water to prevent it. I feel spaced out all of the tym.
But im still here and breathing :) so its not all bad
Im struggling. I'm 102lbs. But even though that seems kinda low in a way, the thought of gaining one pound terrifies me... I'm tiiired. Why cant I just LOOK THIN?
s a r a h
* pm me * eating disorders info *
"Between two worlds life hovers like a star,
twixt night and morn, upon the horizon's verge."
- Lord Byron
At the mo im not eating much really and throwing up a bit, i need to loose the weight, i wanna be six and a half stone for the prom, and **** i know i'll do it. i feel so trapped.
I was a bit alarmed by how fast I was dropping weight (even though I like it, i also have a lot of health anxiety), so i tried to eat more today but only managed maybe 700kcal...
I have to wonder... will this kill me?
s a r a h
* pm me * eating disorders info *
"Between two worlds life hovers like a star,
twixt night and morn, upon the horizon's verge."
- Lord Byron
Shucks :(... it seems alot of people are struggling but are definately trying which is really positive. I hope you all can get better and not live like this for long you all deserve to happy .
I am too struggling with my weight gain but i have no choice really and i do know its for the best. Im an Inpatient at the moment (currently have leave from Thursday - sunday night) im actually coping ok at home and tend to always put on more weight when i go home than if i was to stay in hospital which is weird i guess but thats why they are sending me home longer.
I hate it there so much i just want to get out which is one of the reasons why im putting on weight at home more. Although i know this is not making me better at least i wil be physically well enough to come home and maybe it is better for me to work on the mental side of this after.
Its hard gaining weight though and i just have to keep thinking to myself that i dont want to spend the rest of my life in hospital and i have to get better sometime ...
.gif "rose")
