Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - i keep screwing up

[lace124]

I don't know why i keep screwing up... I cant keep going on when all the stuff from the past keeps popping up in everything i do... My rape is really getting to me lately and it has been almost six years. i keep getting into bad relationships and it has to be me because i know not every guy out there is like that... I just don't know.... why am i screwing up so much?
Every time stuff comes up i just want to cut so bad and if i dont i start shaking uncontrollably and breath really fast... i hate myself so bad right now and i just don't know how to stop fucking up...

[Stellata]

You've been traumatised. And unfortunately one of the side effects of being abused is re-traumatisation. It's like the patterns get embedded in your psyche and continually re-enacted.
It's not because you're a bad person.
It's not because you deserve it.
It's not because you've done something wrong.

It may be time to look for some counselling or psychotherapy to help you work things through in a safe place, and help you to build your self esteem.

[so_confused]

Yeah, get some help. Its not your fault. I promise. These things always happen to the nicest people. It'll all get better in time. Do you still see this person at all? Maybe when something reminds you of what happened, you can do something to take your mind off it. Like listen to music? Or go out and see friends? It will take time, but there are lots of people to help. I lost most of my friends through what hapened to me, and it hurts. But there is always someone out there that loves you. We're all here for you. xxx

[Cazki]

Hey there Im so sorry that things are so difficult for you. It desnt really matter that you cant find a reason for slipping up. The more you try to find the reason of why your slipping up the harder things will be, try not to dwell on the reason of why you slipped up. You had an extremly difficult time, but you really shouldnt be so hard on yourself as it will make things ten times worse. I cant begin to imagine what your going through. I do think that it would benefit you if you tried to find some help like counselling or therapy. Try to keep yourself distracted as much as possible. Like going for a walk, listening to music, watching a movie, doing jobs to keep yourself busy or posting on the fun and distractions forum. There is also the big distractions list that has lot of other distractions you can try http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...ead.php?t=1403 i hope youfind this helpful. We are all here for you you do have to go through this on your own. Please be gentle with yourself. Keep talking to us.

Take care best wishes Ian xxxxxxxxxxxxx