New and need help with relapsing

[Earthchild]

Hi! I've never posted on this before and only discovered it because I was looking for help and stumbled across this so thought just making a post would make the most sense.

Some back story *trigger warning* I think?


I've been self harming regularly since the age of about 13/14 (I'm 24 now) and it has been something I have tried many times to deal with. I have tried meds but theymade me worse and tried lots of other things lime mindfulness. That worked the best. I was in a relationship for 3 years and for the last 2 years I didn't self harm. I felt I had done it myself, however, I have realised that t was only because he had threatened me with leaving me if I did it, so I wouldn't do it. He was really aggressive and I think I kind of manifested it in other ways, such as hair pulling and banging my head against a wall.

Now we have split up and I have regressed. I'm self harming again but worse than before and I don't know what to do. I have a lovely new boyfriend of 8 months qho was also my best friend for years before and he knows all about everything the whole time and has been super supportive but I know it hurts him whenever I come round and there are more cuts. I dont know what to do because I really want to stop.

I had to go on holiday with mu family and then another with friends and it is so humiliating for them to be seen by everyone and stared at. I feel ridiculous because I feel too old for this as everyone I know did this when they were young and have out grown it. Everyone also always sees me as the happy positive person so I struggle with coming to people with my problems bc I feel they are too dark.

I don't really know what help I'm looking for but some support. I'm in a really bad place at the moment and need help with stopping what I'm doing to stop hurting my boyfriend and family when I do.

[one_step_closer]

Hi, welcome to RYL. I hope you find it helpful here. I'm sorry you're having a difficult time. Do you think that focusing on your family and boyfriend is a motivator to stop self harming? You also need to be doing it for yourself too. What does self harm give you? You said that mindfulness helped, have you tried that again? It great that you have support from your boyfriend, do you have anyone in your life who you feel able to talk to about the dark stuff? A lot of the time it's easier to talk to a professional than people who you are close to.

Maybe you could try making a list of the reasons you want to stop self harming and also a plan of what you can do when you're triggered to try and prevent self harming. It will be difficult but it's not impossible if it's something you're really committed to. Good luck with your journey and please keep posting here if it helps.

[Entropy]

Hi, I hope you manage to find some support here.
Do you have any kind of professional help at the moment?

[lostdalek]

I know how you feel, I often also feel to old even though I know that's untrue.