I can imagine that being hard too, lostdoll. I'm glad you've been able to find a bit of comfort.
Thank you tamobhuuta (I think I know your name but I don't want to be wrong!) I guess that's true. It's hard sometimes. How are you doing?
I haven't been able to go into a church (any church) for quite a while due to some difficult beliefs and being terrified and guilt. I would really, really love to be able to go back for Christmas, I don't want to miss out on that, but I feel anxious about it.
just call me tamo or tamobhuuta - i'm a bit paranoid about using my real name atm! I'm really struggling, I missed weekday mass a few times last week because going into town was too stressful. I don't know what to do next week.
I hope you find the courage to go back for Christmas, it's a beautiful time to return to church.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aubergine
All you Catholics. I feel all left out as an Anglican. :P
I really hope you're able to go to church over Christmas, Hannah. You do not need to feel guilty. Jesus took away our guilt when he died for us. Our vicar has a "no fishing" idea. Jesus took our sin, and if we have repented, then we are forgiven - we are not allowed to fish about in the ocean for past sin. It doesn't work like that. We are completely and utterly forgiven - that is the whole point. The whole, wonderful point.
I stopped doing the internship at church. It was too much. I feel much better for not having to cope with all that it involved. I feel like I can enjoy church again. I haven't been to church in a couple of weeks, because I have been too busy hiding. I'm helping out with the toddlers on Sunday though, so I really do have to go. We got to sing quite bouncy songs though and do craft activities, so it should be fun. :) Church is my safe place. Something about being on consecrated ground feels wonderfully comforting. Sometimes I struggle with the amount of people, as we are a busy church, but generally it's so comforting to be there. :)
that 'no-fishing' idea is really helpful. i'm glad church is a safe place for you and you could make a wise choice about the internship.
Hi guys. I'm a Christian and I self harm and engage in purging behaviours, as well as dealing with suicidal ideation pretty constantly. It is so very tiring. The only thing that has kept me from going through with it would be the thought that I would be condemning myself to hell. And why would I trade one hell for another? But it feels like I am trapped this way. I can't end my life and I feel unable to move forward with it. So very tiring.
Suicide does not send you to hell. It is a sin and regarded as other sins. It isn't any worse than other sins and can be forgiven. That's what I hold onto
I agree with the above. Though if at the time of death you have turned away from God, then that's a different matter.
Jess- I've been where you are. Don't give up. Your life can be better; you will not always struggle this much. God loves you more than you can comprehend and is willing to help. Sometimes a part of us doesn't truly want the help, or we're so scared to take the steps we need to that we don't and so remain frozen in place. Don't give up hope and fill your mind with Scripture. That alone will not change everything, but that and prayer is the only foundation that will last.
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
Well this is my first time posting something on this website (heck even talking about this to someone), I began cutting myself as a way to relief my pain from my personal past and present experiences, not knowing what I was getting into. I started with just a few scratches and very superficial cuts thinking of it as just a one time action that would help me distract myself from my problems, and also thinking it was just something J could quit whenever I wanted to.
After just a few days I began cutting deeper because it felt like if I was actually feeling relived from my pain, and it was actually like if I felt "alive" in some way. After a friend of mine noticed my cuts on my wrist, he told me that I needed to stop and that even though he would not tell anyone I didn't wanted to know about this, if I kept this up, someone else would end up finding about this. I told him that I wanted to stop, but on the inside, it was like I wanted more. I searched on the Internet to find about why people cut themselves thinking I was going crazy and that this might be a stupid way to get rid of my problems. I found about how endorphins are released when you cut or put yourself through physical pain, which could actually trick your brain on thinking that it felt good.
It has been over a week since it started, and I can't get rid of the pain inside. It's like all of my problems with my friends, family and losses were joined up with all of the outside problems from friends and people who are going through a hard time. Although I consider myself as a very good lisener and helper, I feel like all of the problems that I helped solve like "I feel like nobody likes me" or "I feel like I want to die" are joining up, and are becoming easier and easier to relate to, almost as if I actually believe that.
I really wanted to speak to someone about it trust me, but it feels like it's not safe to talk to anyone, heck even I placed this stupid nickname on my profile on this page, scared of thinking that anyone of my school could read it and end my social life just for cutting and for finally speaking about my problems.
I really do not encourage anyone to cut themselves or to fell depressed, but now I fell like I have no right to try making people think of my as emotionally strong and as someone who can solve their problems when I'm also in the same or worst problems. I have tried to cast my friends away, so they don't end up like me or affected by my actions or way of thinking, but instead of feeling safer I feel even more vulnerable. I'm Catholic and I know God asks me to take care of my body, but I just can't find any other way that doesn't involved ruining my social life and the way my friends look at me. I know that if I talk to my parents they will just probably call a psychologist thinking it would help like it "did" when my brother died or when I was bullied on 5th grade.
I reach to this website hoping that anyone could understand the feeling of having to cut to make yourself "happy" or "not as sad as before"
I ask for anyone, any Catholic or Cristian brothers (heck anyone) who can relate or understand me, to actually try to help me. I really don't know what to do, and with my problems getting bigger and bigger, I'm afraid that I could end up doing somehow got else to screw me for life.
Please, help me get through this, and I'll try my best to help you with your problems
Last edited by Pi.R^2 : 18-01-2016 at 06:29 PM.
Reason: removing name of tool
It's very brave of you to come here and ask for help x So well done, it's a great first step.
Lots of people find (especially to begin with) that they can't talk to people face to face, so online is a much more accessible way to talk about stuff and get help. However, it's not a replacement for professional help.
I know that getting rid of that tool will be very very hard, and feel incredibly scary and really not something you want to do, but I would really really implore you to do so. I know you can just get something to use in stead, but the longer you cut for, the harder it is to stop, so the best thing is to stop as soon as possible. Do you trust the friend that saw your cuts? Perhaps you could give them the tool and explain to them that you need their support to stop? (It's definitely good to have someone you trust to talk to in real life, not just online. Even if you don't talk to a professional).
Everyone here uses nicknames and we generally stay anonymous, although there are occasional meets, but you don't have to get involved with that.
Quote:
I really do not encourage anyone to cut themselves or to fell depressed, but now I fell like I have no right to try making people think of my as emotionally strong and as someone who can solve their problems when I'm also in the same or worst problems. I have tried to cast my friends away, so they don't end up like me or affected by my actions or way of thinking, but instead of feeling safer I feel even more vulnerable. I'm Catholic and I know God asks me to take care of my body, but I just can't find any other way that doesn't involved ruining my social life and the way my friends look at me. I know that if I talk to my parents they will just probably call a psychologist thinking it would help like it "did" when my brother died or when I was bullied on 5th grade.
I would certainly say that you don't need to pretend to be emotionally strong x Everyone has a point that they reach and need help. There is nothing to be ashamed of, and you are not there to fix everyone else's problems x although helping others can make you feel better about yourself.
Definitely don't cast your friends away. Friends anchor us to life and once you shut yourself off from them, it's hard to make contact again. Keep doing 'life' even when it feels impossible. Go to parties (even if you leave early), go to the cinema with friends, or whatever. I speak from experience - I spent 2 years basically doing nothing. I saw my friends on facebook having a good time, meeting up and going out for lunch and stuff and it really hurt. Nobody invited me to stuff because they assumed I would say no. When my friend invited me to her house to watch a film I was terrified. I hadn't seen her for over a year and there were going to be new people there (only 2 but that was a lot for me). I didn't want to go. I didn't eat for the whole day because of anxiety, and I didn't stay long once I got there. But I went and I stayed an hour or so. Since then I've done more with friends and stuff, but those 2 years when I hardly saw anyone were hard. My tolerance levels for being around people are very low. I can't stand being in a group of people, or in a crowded place, or with someone for more than a couple of hours; but I'm getting there.
But it's best to not cut the ties to begin with. Now you've realised that things are going badly, start to make an effort to meet up with friends, even if it's just one, for coffee (or doughnuts! Cake makes everything better). Go to the cinema when it's not so busy, or just go to the park. Whatever you do, don't cut those ties. I promise you it will get very bad if you do.
As you've said, you feel more vulnerable now you've started to cut ties with your friends. Don't let it go any further.
Re: looking after your body. God gave you your body, and it's important and valuable, but your soul is so much more valuable to God. Life on Earth is fleeting, but Heaven is eternal. God worries more for your eternal soul than your mortal body. Self harming is bad, because you're not honouring the body that God gave you, but so many people do it in so many ways, eating too much, smoking, etc... In the Bible, a lot of what they are talking about regarding disfiguring your body, etc is in relation to certain pagan practices where some religious followers would cut themselves, and offer the blood as a sacrifice, or they would even remove body parts, and the more body parts you had removed the closer to the gods you were. God doesn't want us to do that. He sent Jesus to be the ultimate sacrifice, so we don't need to sacrifice our blood or body parts to any god.
God still wants us to be 'as perfect as possible' but nobody is perfect except God and Jesus. We can strive for perfection but in our striving we will create imperfections. God makes us perfect.
Quote:
I reach to this website hoping that anyone could understand the feeling of having to cut to make yourself "happy" or "not as sad as before"
For me, I started cutting when I was working for a church and there was a woman bullying me. I was thinking about her and what she'd been saying to me during the day, and I just started scratching my arm, and then moved on to cutting, etc... At the time, it helped me to calm down. When I was around her and she was saying horrible things, I would focus on 'I can self harm when I get home, it's ok, just get through the day and get home then you can SH and it'll be fine'. I would self harm before I left the house, because then when I was out, because I started to need it so much. I think I still use it to try and calm myself, but it doesn't work so well any more. I SH in other ways that are more effective but more damaging in the long run. Also now it's not a case of being 'happy' or 'calm' it's more to shut the suicidal thoughts up. Everyone who SHs will do so differently and usually to get a different feeling, although there will be similar feelings.
I will shut up now, but I think it would be good for you to do 4 things.
1. Reconnect with some friends, even if it's just one or two. Go for coffee or chat (doesn't have to be about MH).
2. Give that blasted scalpel to someone you trust.
3. Talk to someone you trust, whether that's a friend or a teacher, or someone from church, or whatever.
4. Read your Bible, especially Romans 8
God Bless x
(p.s. feel free to PM me if you'd like to)
Last edited by Serendipity. : 21-01-2016 at 02:41 AM.
Reason: removing name of tool.
Death is one moment, and life is so many of them.
Don't look forward to the day you stop suffering, because when it comes you'll know you're dead.
~ Tennessee Williams
I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad,
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.
I'm actually a girl. My nickname was given by a friend and stuck ;)
I'm no longer a Christian, but glad to see that this thread is still working after many years. Maybe one day I will be usurped as one of the top three posters to this thread.
Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"
Thomas Parke D’Invilliers
How come no longer a Christian FF?
Hope all is well.
How's everyone else?
I haven't been to church recently but been away in the peak distract this weekend with mum which was nice. I am still going to the young adults group at church and continuing to volunteer at the drop-in (2 hours a fortnight). But it's hard work and I get home shattered.
Tonight I shall mostly be eating ice-cream ;)
Death is one moment, and life is so many of them.
Don't look forward to the day you stop suffering, because when it comes you'll know you're dead.
~ Tennessee Williams
I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad,
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.
I'm actually a girl. My nickname was given by a friend and stuck ;)
I'm a Christian too, and I believe in the word of God.
But it's the word of Man which hurt me, not the other way around. I was told that sometimes the word of God can sting you, or even burn you when I wasn't accepted as a member in my Church. Well, it's an smaller congregation but still a Church. I was pretty much kicked out. Yes, I am still welcome to mass but not as a member.
This,combined with my other problems was a hard hit at me.
If a church is not accepting you, no matter the reason, that church does not sound like they are operating as a true Christian organization. I would suggest finding a different church and remembering God's promises to us. I will never understand churches claiming to do the work and be the people of God and yet they do not welcome the broken. Did Jesus not sit with the sinners?
I'll pray you can find a good church home and can move past this let down.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MariaOlivia85
I'm a Christian too, and I believe in the word of God.
But it's the word of Man which hurt me, not the other way around. I was told that sometimes the word of God can sting you, or even burn you when I wasn't accepted as a member in my Church. Well, it's an smaller congregation but still a Church. I was pretty much kicked out. Yes, I am still welcome to mass but not as a member.
This,combined with my other problems was a hard hit at me.
Technically, one reason Jesus was killed was for not obeying religious rules of the time. The New T is also about transcending religious codes and living from a renewed spirit in the heart and mind ("be renewed from within). Bible (old and news testaments) actually warn about thinking God has a building for a home.
"But it was Solomon who built a house for Him. 48"However, the Most High does not dwell in houses made by human hands; as the prophet says: 49'HEAVEN IS MY THRONE, AND EARTH IS THE FOOTSTOOL OF MY FEET; WHAT KIND OF HOUSE WILL YOU BUILD FOR ME?' says the Lord"
"These people honor me with their lips,but their hearts are far from me.
7They worship me in vain; their teachings are merely human rules.’
JC
"But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you. 7"And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words."
Technically, one reason Jesus was killed was for not obeying religious rules of the time. The New T is also about transcending religious codes and living from a renewed spirit in the heart and mind ("be renewed from within). Bible (old and news testaments) actually warn about thinking God has a building for a home.
"But it was Solomon who built a house for Him. 48"However, the Most High does not dwell in houses made by human hands; as the prophet says: 49'HEAVEN IS MY THRONE, AND EARTH IS THE FOOTSTOOL OF MY FEET; WHAT KIND OF HOUSE WILL YOU BUILD FOR ME?' says the Lord"
"These people honor me with their lips,but their hearts are far from me.
7They worship me in vain; their teachings are merely human rules.’
JC
"But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you. 7"And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words."
Thank you for writing this.
Quote; " "But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you. "
This verse almost always brings a tear into my eye when I read it. It has brought me so much solace and peace I can't even put it to words.
Thank you for reminding me about it in your post.
- Best birthday present ever.
- Which one?
- You letting me take care of you.
