December 5, 2013
I decided to give my blades away to a very important person in my life. I came to realize I wasn't going to be able to get rid of them on my own... she was such an importaint person..
we currently don't talk to me because I was friends with her daughter, her daughter is 14 so she is easily influenced by things... the person told me she doesn't want me speaking to her or her daughter about these things anymore.. this tore me apart..
I literally didn't know where to turn or what to do. I didn't self harm because I didn't have my blades anymore..
But here we are 175 days later, I still haven't relapsed since that day...
I started working with her older daughter, which was weird.. I didn't know what she knew about me, I didn't know if the whole family had turned or just the mom, father and one daughter.
turns out she didn't know anything! she knew her mother and I were very close at once but she didn't know what had happened. that gave me some hope with people..
she started taking me home when we worked together and a few snapchats here and a few there, some long car ride talks later.. she knows all about me.. I truly have hope for her, she seems to be different than everyone else or had the easiest life.
There are two ways of spreading light.
To be the candle, or the mirror that reflects it.
That is awesome! Keep it up, I've been free for almost 2 years and it feels so good not to have to explain cuts to people. Others have stopped and so can we. Much love <3
I hurt myself before others get the chance...
I hurt myself because others hurt me and I can't stand the pain...
To tell the truth, I'm afraid of recovery beause it means I have to let go...
I'm so sorry to hear about you and your friend, but i'm so glad you're doing so well congratulations of that, thats a huge accomplishment and a big step. I know you can keep it up
♪"'Cause I'm about to break down,
I'm searchin' for a way out,
I'm a liar, I'm a cheater, I'm a non-believer
I'm a popular, popular monster"♪
Actually just last night! I gave my blades to a friend.. the one that is moving.. shell be leaving in just a few hours... than shell be millions of miles away... :'( I really think I can stay strong for a little bit, but once I notice its all happened.. that ive lost the only one I can go to.. /im gonna freak out. I know its happening, yes. but its not all hitting me.. I just cant go on without someone... like that can legit hug me...
There are two ways of spreading light.
To be the candle, or the mirror that reflects it.
i really want to keep hope, and keep my head held high but... idk i don't think i can.
Im so sick of always telling my followers on twitter oh don't cut, its so much better not doing it, blah blah blah. than im turning around and doing everything i have told them not to do. and the advice i give them is good. but why cant i seem to follow it? i am just that stupid. ugh!
There are two ways of spreading light.
To be the candle, or the mirror that reflects it.
um to be honest nothing. I usually just cave in. I work a bunch and especially lately so with sleeping and working I hadn't had much down time to really start thinking about myself.
I have been posting new threads lately. when I want to.
its lonely not having anyone.
I went from having Amanda, to having no one.
I mean yes I can still call her when I need someone. but what about hugs, or someone to hold me when I cry. or that will take away my blades. Im weak. What about when she would come get me at 3am because I was having a breakdown.
Its lonely knowing physically I am alone... again..
There are two ways of spreading light.
To be the candle, or the mirror that reflects it.