ive not been on here in a couple of months, i just cut myself off from everyone and everything but things are just all to much and i needed to come back here. my sister and her friend are doing things to me that i dont like or want but the more i fight the worst they are, it seems to fire them up even more. ive got to a point where i cant cope anymore, im not only fighting them but also a voice in my head that wants me dead.
im losing it and i feel suicidal because of them and everything else thats happening.
I'm sorry tht ur goin something so horrible and tht ur feeling so low. Is there anyone that you can talk to irl, a friend or another family member or someone you trust? No-one has the right to hurt you or make you do things you don't want do, especially not ur sister and her friend.
I'm sorry I dont have much advice right now but please stay safe and feel free to PM me if u need to talk anytime *hugs*
X
It's only in the black of night you see the stars, and those stars will lead you home.
i dont have anyone irl that i can talk too, no family and not really anyone else, i feel more isolated and alone now than ive ever felt before.
thankyou for replying to me. im sorry for posting i dont deserve anyones help im so sorry. *hugs*
You deserve help. What happened to that woman you called on the helpline who you said came to help you? Did anything ever work out with that? *Hugs lots* you DO Deserve help.
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
she helped me a little but then she left cause she moved away and i couldnt start over with someone new. the men who were abusing me have stopped they are in prison awaiting trial but my sister and her friend is still happening because im to ashamed and dirty to tell. im just disgusting and a failure. *curls up crying*
You're not disgusting or a failure. GOOD job getting them in jail!!!! That's amazing!!! *snuggles close* I want you to call that line again and talk to someone new. Another lady can help you, and you can say how nasty your sister and her friend are. Can you be brave and try honey?
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
oh tracey i cant do it, what they do is disgusting, im disgusting and dirty. im so ashamed, it was different with the men that was just sex and stuff. this is horrible not nice tracey. im so stupid, stupid, stupid *smashes head on wall*
You're not stupid or anything like that. *cuddles you close* It's not your fault and you're not disgusting. Tell me what they do, in a PM if you don't want to share here.
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
it happened again today
got hurt more
got bad feelings
got lots of yucky things done to me
my sister and 2 friends today
3 and a half hours of hell. *scrubs self more with scourer*
cant take no more
pain hurts so much, so sore, burning and stinging. lots of blood too.
*curls up in tight ball cries*
thanks for the hugs *cuddles into*
cleaned up as best as i can. probably do need to see a doctor, but i cant cause they will ask to many questions.
its always my fault.
no-one in real life i can talk too about it.
You have to talk about it honey. Also you might need to see a dr. Abuse by women is harder to prove because there's not as much DNA but if you're all hurt that is some proof. *hugs*
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
another awful day why do i fail at everything, time for me to curl up and die cause i cant manage this anymore.
spent 4hrs at the hospital and for what just for my sister to do it all over again. stitches are no more and in more pain now than before.
*curls up tight clenching bottle of pills*
im weak stupid and useless, couldnt go into the dr's today panicked got scared im a failure. went home and tried to scrub them off me again. why cant i get clean? feel them touching me crawling all over me have to scrub them off have too just have too. getting punished by them cause i was bad and tried to fight them off last night, they left something in me as punishment hurts badly.
why cant i hate her for what shes doing to me, should hate her but cant, just hate me want to destroy me, im weak and stupid she strong and clever.
Baby you're not bad and they're not allowed to do that OR punish you. Can you go to the dr and get that removed? You're a good girl and you need to be helped and patched up and PROTECTED. *strokes your hair* You be safe and do your BEST to go get help ok honey?
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
I'm so sorry that you're going through this Jo, you don't deserve this, you're a good wonderful person and you don't deserve to be treated like this. The men in prison awaiting trial is a good thing, it's wonderful.
I'll just echo what Tracie said, is there anyway you can see the doctor to get it removed? Can they come to your house so you don't have to go to the doctor's surgery, would that make it easier?
went through hours and hours of abuse yesterday, 4 of them and one of them was a male, they drugged me as i freaked out badly over the man touching me and doing stuff. i just wish they would use something they knocked me out cause all it does is slows down my reactions i still have to go through everything they do.
ive just spent 2 hours in the bath and shower scrubbing them off me but im still dirty and yucky need another shower. theyre destroying me ripping me apart, it hurts so much want to give up.
