I completely understand. Of course people are attracted to people that they know are mostly likely out if their league and will probably never give them the time of day. I myself am attracted to people that I know will never like me back. I probably never tell them that I liked them and I definitely would not do it publicly. I think that as you know that you like someone, whether they know it not shouldn't matter. And if you feel that they should know. Then tell them but only if you really want to. It shouldn't matter what anyone looks like. Attraction is a chemical response, it's not something that you can physically control.
Sorry if there are any spelling mistakes, I'm typing on my iPod for this post.
I'm through accepting limits,
'Cause someone says they're so.
I think i may be pan-sexual, like i like anyone. I have always felt like that, i told my mom once when i was little that if i got a husband and he wanted to be a girl i wouldnt mind, and have had small crushes on girls before but my problem is that i am happily married to my husband...can i really be pan-sexual if im in a heterosexual relationship?
I would say yes. If you're pansexual, or even bisexual, you may fall in love and end up in an outwardly looking heterosexual relationship. This doesn't mean you're any less pansexual or bisexual. Besides, i believe your sexuality is your own. Therefore if you identify as pansexual, none of your outward actions can ditract from your own identification as pansexual.
This is long and I'm sorry. I went off subject a bit and got somewhat carried away. It slows down again at the end.
I am 26 and I am still a virgin. I question myself a lot lately as to whether or not I might be asexual. And when I begin a new online profile, or when someone asks me about my orientation, I hesitate to answer. A lot of people ask me if I might be gay, since I am so uncomfortable around guys. And I've questioned this myself because I don't feel as feminine as I'd like to. I will admit that I find the female body to be beautiful, as I do the male body, but I see nothing beautiful about either genitalia.
I have explored myself. Though I am sure I was a late bloomer. I wasn't curious about my own body until I was 22. When I was a child my mother would tease me if she walked into my room and found me with my hands under the blankets. She'd tell me to stop playing with myself, though I never was. I was 6 and the thought never crossed my mind to touch myself down there. But since she would mock me, thinking I had been playing with myself, I made sure that I never did.
When I was a kid, I was always told I was mature for my age. If someone asked me to do something it was usually done without an argument. I was very outgoing. I knew what I wanted to be and no one could stand in my way. I want that confidence back. If the child me were ever to meet the grown up me, the little one would be disappointed.
I was always a bit chubby. But it didn't bother me. I remember going to a pool party when I was 9. I was heavy but it was hot, and all I could think about was getting wet. So I ripped off my clothes (I had a swimsuit on under them of course) and I hopped in the pool. My mother and her girlfriends laughed and said "I wish I could be so confident", "She doesn't care whose watching, does she." And one of my mom's friends would try and cut a deal with me every summer. She'd tell me in June that she would give $20 if by the start of the next school year I could be down 20lbs. But the next year is what really broke me.
I was 10. I was younger than everyone else in my class. I was in the 6th grade. I thought I was something special. There was this boy I liked. Blonde, a bit cocky, he was a skater, at the time I found him really interesting. And I would catch myself looking at him often. I tried out his last name on my paper math book cover "Mrs. Sarah Holmes" I wrote it over and over with hearts and diamonds in between. Then one day our class was standing in line, I don't remember what for; I was wearing shorts. I was 10 when most girls were 11 & 12 and had begun shaving. I wasn't allowed to shave yet, and there was only soft light hair on my legs. It never bothered me. My legs were plump though. The boy I admired was talking and laughing with a few of his friends then he looked back at me and caught me staring at him. I was embarrassed, but then he smiled. So I smiled back. I'm sure I blushed. Then he turned to his friends and said "Don't you hate it when fat people wear shorts? Why do they even come out in public? Look at those hairy legs!" And he and his friends all turned to look at me. I lost all confidence I had in myself that day.
When I was 14 I had a number of surgeries. It started with a lower spinal fusion but the surgeon fused my spine to my bowels and I had a terrible infection. I was in and out of Johns Hopkin's for a year. I was home schooled that year, my sophomore year. So I didn't get to have the interaction that most teens crave at that age. I lost a lot of weight. I remember walking past a mirror and not noticing it was me in the reflection. I had been in a cast from my bust to my knees, in a bed for months. It had been so long since I'd seen myself.
I was frail, but oddly I admired my reflection. As I became healthy again I gained all of my weight back, and I became disgusted with myself. I felt I completed high school with a very indifferent attitude. I wish I could go back now and give myself a kick in the rear.
I didn't feel I worth anything to anyone. But I also still held onto my dream. My goal in this life is to become and animator and a film director. I promised myself that I wouldn't give into being in a relationship until I've achieved or at least find myself on the path to one of those goals. I don't want anyone to get in the way of my achieving these goals.
I was also very religious when I was a child. I'm not so much now but there is still a high level of guilt that I put on myself when I find myself in a situation in which I might lose my virginity. And I push the guy away.
"There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs
and lips locked. It is called fear and it's seeing a great
renaissance."
"The older I get, the more confused I am." I feel the very same way.
And I have the same problem when it comes to how picky I am about a guy. I can be friends with any guy. I'm actually more comfortable and fun around a guy when I know he's taken because there's no pressure, but I have certain standards that I hold men up to when I'm looking for a datable guy for myself. And it makes me feel shallow. There's always this demeaning voice calling out to me in the back of my mind that says, "Who are you to be so picky? You're an overweight, 26 year old virgin. You have not accomplished one great deed in your entire life. Where are you going? Why does it matter? You're a bum. Just accept it if he's offering. Don't be a coward."
But it's not about me being a coward, or is it?
I feel it's about me looking three steps ahead and deciding it isn't worth throwing a wrench in my life.
Or maybe I just over think it too much.
These are the questions that flood my mind when ever I think about having sex with a guy:
"What if I get pregnant?"
"What if I get some disease?"
"What if he never calls me after we do it?"
"What if I get too attached and scare him away?"
"What if he gets too attached and becomes abusive?"
Last edited by ForgottenAutumn : 21-07-2012 at 05:36 AM.
"There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs
and lips locked. It is called fear and it's seeing a great
renaissance."
"The older I get, the more confused I am." I feel the very same way.
And I have the same problem when it comes to how picky I am about a guy. I can be friends with any guy. I'm actually more comfortable and fun around a guy when I know he's taken because there's no pressure, but I have certain standards that I hold men up to when I'm looking for a datable guy for myself. And it makes me feel shallow. There's always this demeaning voice calling out to me in the back of my mind that says, "Who are you to be so picky? You're an overweight, 26 year old virgin. You have not accomplished one great deed in your entire life. Where are you going? Why does it matter? You're a bum. Just accept it if he's offering. Don't be a coward."
But it's not about me being a coward, or is it?
I feel it's about me looking three steps ahead and deciding it isn't worth throwing a wrench in my life.
Or maybe I just over think it too much.
These are the questions that flood my mind when ever I think about having sex with a guy:
"What if I get pregnant?"
"What if I get some disease?"
"What if he never calls me after we do it?"
"What if I get too attached and scare him away?"
"What if he gets too attached and becomes abusive?"
I think most people would think about those questions when they think about having sex (especially the first time I presume). I would—especially the pregnancy one. Although, for me, the questions that pop in my head first are:
"How is he going to react to my physical appearance/how do I avoid him seeing what my body looks like?"
"What if I freak out in the middle of it and have to stop and get away from him?"
"What if he does something I'm not comfortable with?" (although that would apply to any time I would be around a guy and not exclusive to just sex)
"What if we get into a fight and I injure him?"
"What if instead of asking for permission to have sex with other girls/have an open relationship, he just cheats instead?"—since obviously I wouldn't be enough sexually.
"What if I have to compete against his ex(es)?"
And on and on...
And we are quite opposite in the fact that I simply CANNOT BE FRIENDS WITH GUYS except for the rare instances where I was friends with his wife first. I certainly cannot be friends with guys my own age. Never have. I suspect it's that I either hate them, their my competition so I feel as though I must always dominate them, or I simply believe that because he's a guy that he'll try to force me to do something that I don't want to do or humiliate me in some unforgivable way.
Yeah, I'm pretty much a misandrist.
So when I meet some guy that doesn't ignite intense hatred within me, I generally will really like him. Almost immediately—and attraction doesn't happen that fast for normal people it seems.
What I'm trying to say is that having the ability to be friends with guys and to be likable enough for guys want to be friends with you, that's got to be at least part of the battle.
I mean, if guys don't want to be friends with me, why would any of them want to date me? The only other reason would be sex I guess, but guys would want to have a relationship that is based entirely on sex with someone who's actually attractive.
So. Hi everyone :) I think I might be lesbian or bisexual. I really dont know. I am happily Christian and live in a very religious house. My dad is fairly grossed out and misunderstanding of gay people, and my mom disagrees with it but has at least a. It of a more open mind. She loves "Will and Grace" if that counts for anything :)
Anyways. Ive always found myself looking at girl's and caught myself staring. I mean, ive had crushes on guys a few times, but it always has to do with their personalities. I cant really imagine myself being intimate withthem. I find the idea of having intercourse very uncomfertable. Also, I always picked the sweet boys who had sorta pretty faces ...:)
I don't know what to think.
I had one experience with a girl before. We were spending the night at another friends house and had to share a bed. We sort of just felt around a bit from the hips up... I was only 14 I wasn't gonna do anything else :) but I liked it. I was so confused in the morning though. I was scared I had disappointed God and avoided her like the plague after that. She asked me if I was bi (I knew she was. And I knew she liked me.) I said no because I really couldn't come to terms with anything then.
I have nothing against gay people and have nothing against being one, at least not beyond the fear of how my family would react. I just feel the need to know for sure.
Help?
I have nothing g with
The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. Good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant. - 11th Doctor
One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul and yet no one ever comes to sit by it. Passersby see only a whisp of smoke rising from the chimney and continue on their way. (Vincent van Gogh)
That's kind of my plan for now. I really do think I'm gay, though. But I'm happy just letting things run around in my brain without grabbing hold of any and saying, "that's me!" for a while :)
The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. Good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant. - 11th Doctor
One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul and yet no one ever comes to sit by it. Passersby see only a whisp of smoke rising from the chimney and continue on their way. (Vincent van Gogh)
I told one friend my thoughts (I tell her pretty much everything) and she supports me in whatever I do.
The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. Good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant. - 11th Doctor
One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul and yet no one ever comes to sit by it. Passersby see only a whisp of smoke rising from the chimney and continue on their way. (Vincent van Gogh)
So. Hi everyone :) I think I might be lesbian or bisexual. I really dont know. I am happily Christian and live in a very religious house. My dad is fairly grossed out and misunderstanding of gay people, and my mom disagrees with it but has at least a. It of a more open mind. She loves "Will and Grace" if that counts for anything :)
Anyways. Ive always found myself looking at girl's and caught myself staring. I mean, ive had crushes on guys a few times, but it always has to do with their personalities. I cant really imagine myself being intimate withthem. I find the idea of having intercourse very uncomfertable. Also, I always picked the sweet boys who had sorta pretty faces ...:)
I don't know what to think.
I had one experience with a girl before. We were spending the night at another friends house and had to share a bed. We sort of just felt around a bit from the hips up... I was only 14 I wasn't gonna do anything else :) but I liked it. I was so confused in the morning though. I was scared I had disappointed God and avoided her like the plague after that. She asked me if I was bi (I knew she was. And I knew she liked me.) I said no because I really couldn't come to terms with anything then.
I have nothing against gay people and have nothing against being one, at least not beyond the fear of how my family would react. I just feel the need to know for sure.
Help?
I have nothing g with
I kind of went through the same thing for a while - only now I'm positive that I definitely do like guys, so I'm not completely a lesbian, but I might be bi. I don't know.
Being a Christian and dealing with your sexuality is weird. I mean, according to the bible, it's wrong, but everyone is a sinner and homosexuality is no worse sin than any other sin. And you can't help the way you feel. So the feelings aren't wrong, but technically sexual acts with the same gender are. But any sexual acts at all before marriage are wrong according to the bible, so I've already sinned in that area. Not that it makes it okay, but what I'm saying is God won't love you any less and it's not like you're worse than any other Christian just because you're probably gay :)
But anyways, I reiterate what the above said: don't worry about labels for now, just kind of see where life takes you. PM me if you ever need someone to talk to! :)
"I believe in running through the rain and crashing into the person you love and having your lips bleed on each other"
Really the main place in the Bible where homosexuality is written is in Leviticus. Leviticus also says not to get tattooed, eat shellfish, and other things that are not considered sins now and really are perfectly fine. I mean, pretty much all sins are in the ten commandments. I feel as though if homosexuality was a sin, it would have been mentioned in more places, including the new testement.
If I have something wrong, please correct me :)
The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. Good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant. - 11th Doctor
One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul and yet no one ever comes to sit by it. Passersby see only a whisp of smoke rising from the chimney and continue on their way. (Vincent van Gogh)
It seems like we're in the same predicament. I was raised in very religious home. And it in my family it is looked down upon to be with someone of the same sex. My mom is so bad that I can't even watch Ellen anymore unless she doesn't know about it. I just don't know what to do..
I'm through accepting limits,
'Cause someone says they're so.
Well remember that not everyone is like that. And please please don't feel like you must choose between accepting your sexuality (whatever it may be) and religion. I'm not in a very good place to give advice, but perhaps there is one person who you cantrust with these things? Even just discussing everythjng with someone can ease the stress and burden. If you think that your parents would react extremenly harshly (ie kicking you out, cutting you off from something, etc) maybe its best to wait to tell them until you are more independant.
But, really. I'm a sixteen year old girl who has absolutely no experience in this and is still just trying to figure everything out :)
The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. Good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant. - 11th Doctor
One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul and yet no one ever comes to sit by it. Passersby see only a whisp of smoke rising from the chimney and continue on their way. (Vincent van Gogh)
I've only ever dated guys but I've never been in love or had a serious relationship. I started liking one girl last year and had decided to do something about it this coming weekend.
She isn't a close friend, we have a lot of mutual friends and I see her maybe once every 5 weeks or so, depends what's on socially. She's very quiet but very lovely. I do speak to her but I wouldn't say we're close. She's always really nice to me and seems happy enough to chat. As I say, she's quite shy.
She's very tomboyish and she was in a long term relationship with another of my (male) friends but they have been apart for 4 years and she hasn't dated anyone since.
Today I told one of our mutual friends. We were having a conversation and my friend was asking if there was anyone I liked. I said yes and she said I should go for it, and he'd be an idiot not to like me back. I told her the girls name and she completely changed. My friend is quite an open minded person I would say, but she was weirded out by me saying I like this girl. She told me she's sure that she doesn't like girls at all, and to be honest I'm just going to make her feel uncomfortable and shouldn't say anything to her at all.
I wasn't even entirely expecting to have a shot with her, i just thought if I knew one way or the other I'd be able to move on. And I am absolutely positive that she wouldn't laugh in my face or blab to anyone else. But I wouldn't want to make her uncomfortable or freak her out.
I've liked her since about last May and in the past few weeks I've been thinking that I need to do something about it because I think about her all the time. But now this has absolutely shot my confidence.
I just thought i'd let the world know that I have been struggling with my sexuality for a very long time and have since realised I'm in fact bisexual, I may even be a lesbian. But I've worked out it doesn't matter who or what you are, labels mean nothing you should just be happy and proud of who you are.
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?
