Live Help


Forum Jump
Post New Thread  Reply
Old 06-09-2013, 10:38 PM   #1
x-Silvermist-x
elohvee-e
 
x-Silvermist-x's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
I am currently:
Overlooked on RYL

I have given my help and advice to quite a few people on RYL and I'm quite disappointed and hurt that when I needed some advice and support I received just 2 replies. I know that people may not have known what to say but even just a short message saying this would have shown that someone was thinking of me and acknowledged my thread.

I turned to RYL because I don't have any friends, I've fallen out with my parents, my brothers never contact me and I'm in hospital with crap staff who pretend they care. I came here for support and whilst I'm very grateful and appreciative of the couple of replies I received it doesn't seem much when I spent a lot of time composing a rather lengthy post.

It seems to me that if you aren't a popular member of RYL with friends on the site then you can quite easily get overlooked. The threads with pages and pages of replies get bumped to the top of the page and others just fall to the bottom or the next page.

It makes me very sad that RYL has similarities of being back at school/college i.e cliques and popular people getting the most attention.

I have always struggled with believing I am equal to others but along with other things in real life and on here it just confirms that I am not equal to others and that others are more deserving of help and support than I am.

I'm sure I'm not the only person that feels overlooked.

I think the following sums things up for me:

'I'm always there for everyone else, but no one is ever there for me'.



When life gets you down do you know what you've gotta do?

Just keep swimming.


x-Silvermist-x is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-09-2013, 10:49 PM   #2
Cacoethes
¡Viva la Revolución!
 
Cacoethes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Hyrule
I am currently:

I understand how that could feel invalidating, as a person who currently has a long thread with pages of support, I would like to say that there are ongoing issues which don't really warrant posting more threads if that makes sense. If I were to let the long thread drop off the front page, I would just have to make another one for the same issues.

It's sometimes hard to post in threads of people you don't know very well.

I'm sorry you feel this way. It's not that you aren't as important as everyone else or not as deserving of support, I can't say why only 2 people have replied to your thread, and they are good replies, I suppose I would feel like I wouldn't know what else to add?

I'm sorry if this isn't making sense



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


Cacoethes is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-09-2013, 10:58 PM   #3
sherlock holmes
do you like my potato?
 
sherlock holmes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004

I understand how you feel. Since changing my username not many people know who I am, whereas previously I would have more of a social presence.

All I can say is sorry you are having this experience of RYL. Unfortunately in society people tend to form cliques and it's hard to move away from. But I try and help people where I can, it's just recently I've not had much to say that's been helpful.



Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…

you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.


sherlock holmes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-09-2013, 11:21 PM   #4
Serendipity.
fabulous.
 
Serendipity.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010

Hey,

I understand how you feel to some extent; I have had times when I've posted for support and one or two people have replied. But then I've also had thread where I've received a lot of support, and I've had a quick look at threads you've posted and the same seems to be true for you. Your current thread may only have a couple of replies but you've also had several threads with 2+ pages of replies. So I think that by concluding that it means that people don't care and that you don't matter, you're being quite selective in what evidence you're looking at. That isn't a criticism, I know it's easy to do, but I think before you make those conclusions you should look at the bigger picture.

Sometimes posts just get overlooked because not many people who are likely to reply happen to see them. Sometimes they're difficult to reply to. In your case, your post is pretty long and that can be off putting for people. Which isn't a criticism of you, just a fact. I clicked on it but didn't have the concentration to read the whole thing. I rarely leave replies that are just supportive with no real substance unless I know someone quite well, and I think that a lot of other people are probably the same.

I'm sorry that you feel you've been overlooked but I don't think that it means people don't care or anything like that, it's just one of those things, and it's happened to most of us.



"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."


Serendipity. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-09-2013, 11:46 PM   #5
Shrink
 
Shrink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
I am currently:

I'm really sorry you feel this way. I know i have been so grateful for your responses in my thread. I'm just not really in a positive to be able to offer much myself at the moment. I hope this will change soon. I think for most people it comes and goes like this. I'm sure you havent been overlooked, but i'm sorry you feel this way. I hope you feel better xx

Shrink is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2013, 12:11 AM   #6
iamatortoise
Delightfully Quirky
 
iamatortoise's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Narnia
I am currently:

I'm really sorry you feel this way. I totally understand where you are coming from. Sometimes it does feel like you're overlooked.

I know that when I'm not in a good place I don't reply to many threads and the ones I do are usually by people I know as it's easier to think of what to say.

I try to reply to post that I have a response for however if it's something I find triggering or just don't know what to say I tend not to reply. I this this probably applies to a lot of people.

I'm sorry you're feeling overlooked. If you're struggling you're more than welcome to PM me. <3



I will love myself despite the ease with which I lean toward the opposite.

iamatortoise is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2013, 01:12 AM   #7
Patent Pending
★ Katie ★
 
Patent Pending's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Worcester, UK
I am currently:

I feel this way all the time - especially since I changed username and certain people I used to speak to left.
No useful advice but you're not alone. If you ever wanna talk, please feel free to PM me.
x x x



It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...


Patent Pending is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2013, 02:09 AM   #8
talaiporia
Chat Mod
 
talaiporia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: W. London
I am currently:

Hi there,

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so isolated on RYL. I think your name change might have had an effect, as people might be unaware you're you. Additionally, RYL is quite quiet generally right now, with the time of year and it being back-to-school week. You might find it easier to get support if you have everything in one thread, because it's easier for people to get a better idea of what's happening for you right now (I'll put my reply here as this thread has more posts).

It must be difficult struggling with EUPD and Asperger's together. Have they suggested what will happen in two months when your year is up - more IP or discharge? Even if the 'only' acheivement you've made is a reduction in self harm, it's still an achievement, and it is more than some people manage, so you've still done well. Don't compare yourself to others.

The BIP sounds like a good idea; and frankly, it does apply to the real world even when there isn't someone else taking away possessions. Self harm has real-world negative consequences; pain, infection risk, scarring, people finding out and being angry are just some of them. Everything we do has a consequences, even if we don't see it.

It sounds like you want to be on stage 3, so what's holding you back at the moment? It sounds like you're very angry with medical professionals and family for the recent sectioning, but the would have only done it because they cared and wanted to keep you safe.



It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.


talaiporia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2013, 02:25 AM   #9
Eccentrics
Occasionally lurking
 
Eccentrics's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: UK
I am currently:

I actually made a thread on this quite a while back (although I didn't say it in quite a nice way and didn't get quite as nice replies!)

http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...d.php?t=178392

Eccentrics is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2013, 07:07 AM   #10
Revival
 
Join Date: Apr 2004

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mix Tape View Post
I feel this way all the time - especially since I changed username and certain people I used to speak to left.
No useful advice but you're not alone. If you ever wanna talk, please feel free to PM me.
x x x
Hope you don't mind me quoting, but exactly this. I am incredibly grateful for the replies that I have gotten but it has made a huge difference changing my name, and I'm no longer comfortable posting (not all due to other people). Sorry for the rant, but you're not alone I'm here if you want to talk xxx

Revival is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2013, 07:25 AM   #11
botanybot
 
botanybot's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
I am currently:

Oh no :( I'm so sorry. I've ran into some of the same sort of problem a bit here as well. But you can ALWAYS pm me if you ever need anything!! I'm sorry.. we're still here for you.. Stay strong. Be kind to yourself <3

botanybot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2013, 04:52 PM   #12
I am a cat
 
I am a cat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: In a horse stable
I am currently:

Hello...

I think its just the way the internet is.
It happens to all of us at some stage.
Even me.
I can understand what you mean though, as in you see posts that have pages of replies, and then you hardly have any, and it can feel like a bit of an insult. I am not really sure what to say about that. I think its just something that happens.

Have you thought about using chat?? You can talk to people in there :)
You can always pm me if you need a chat
xxx

I am a cat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2013, 09:41 PM   #13
x-Silvermist-x
elohvee-e
 
x-Silvermist-x's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
I am currently:

Thank you to everyone for being so lovely. I wasn't quite sure which way this thread would go. I am very grateful for the replies and I'm somewhat relieved that I'm not the only one that feels this way, however, on the other hand it is quite sad that quite a few people feel overlooked on RYL. I feel quite angry because in real-life I really struggle to be accepted. Secondary school, college, work and even in hospital I have struggled enormously mainly due to the Aspergers. I turned to RYL because I thought I would at least be accepted and treated the same as other people. I'm not blaming anyone as like others have said I think it's just the way it is and not much can be done to rectify the matter. You can't force people to reply.

Anyway, thank you for being so understanding.



When life gets you down do you know what you've gotta do?

Just keep swimming.


x-Silvermist-x is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2013, 01:17 AM   #14
Snow White.
I am a fairy.
 
Join Date: May 2004
I am currently:

I'm sorry hear you're feeling angry but I agree with what Starling said above that some of your threads got a fair few replies, even 2 pages so I hope you can look at the big picture and not just the last thread. Sometimes people have trouble with reading threads that are really long- I know I do because I have poor concentration like a lot of others with depression. It can help to put key points in bold or clear questions in bold for people that have trouble focusing. Just something to consider perhaps.

I hope you're okay xxx

Snow White. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2013, 02:20 AM   #15
Eccentrics
Occasionally lurking
 
Eccentrics's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: UK
I am currently:

I think you've had quite a lot of replies compared to some people... Also, as people said on my similar thread, it's human nature to give more support and advice to those you're closer to. I suppose most of the 'popular' people are those that have reached out and PM'd people or used chat a lot to gain those friends. Either that or the occasional drama llama that comes by! It can be upsetting at times especially if you find it harder to talk to people but there's not much that can be done I'm afraid.

Another thing is that likely, people might have just not known what to say. A lot of times I see a post but don't know how to respond, so just leave hugs or in occasional situations (like if there are 0 replies) a written hug. You also mentioned that it was quite lengthy - a lot of people are lazy and tend not to read posts that are too long! It's not very nice I know, but I'm guilty of it. I dont' have the attention span for long walls of text and thus I always try to shorten my responses in case others are similar.

I think when push comes to shove though it shouldn't matter the amount of replies, but rather the content. I always try to reply to every response I get, which can often help the support to continue if I need it. (Otherwise I just say thankyou!) But I've had many threads in the past where I'd only get 2 or 3 replies but those replies were just what I needed.

Eccentrics is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2013, 11:30 AM   #16
x-Silvermist-x
elohvee-e
 
x-Silvermist-x's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
I am currently:

Yes the thread was quite long, I tried to shorten it but then it didn't really explain the situation very well. Nevermind.

I think I'll have to use radical acceptance.



When life gets you down do you know what you've gotta do?

Just keep swimming.


x-Silvermist-x is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2013, 01:10 AM   #17
Ahimsa
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:

I've felt really unwelcome in a fwe areas on here - you're not alone in feeling like that x

Ahimsa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13-09-2013, 10:02 PM   #18
x-Silvermist-x
elohvee-e
 
x-Silvermist-x's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
I am currently:

I'm sorry to hear that you have felt unwelcome on here. I have been a member for quite a while (so have you I see) and it's still very hard to fit in. It reminds me very much of school/college.

I haven't logged on for a few days and as I predicted there are certain threads that are still near the top of the page whilst other threads with few replies are pushed to the bottom.

As others have said there probably isn't an answer to it and this same issue will probably occur in real life.

I still believe it's unfair but life isn't fair.

I don't think I will make anymore threads on here because it's upsetting when you spend a lot of time composing a thread for it to only get a couple of replies. I know it's quality rather than quantity but it still feels like an insult especially when you see the more well known/popular members receiving numerous replies to their threads.



When life gets you down do you know what you've gotta do?

Just keep swimming.


x-Silvermist-x is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13-09-2013, 10:13 PM   #19
Cacoethes
¡Viva la Revolución!
 
Cacoethes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Hyrule
I am currently:

People with longer threads still need support too.....



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


Cacoethes is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 13-09-2013, 10:23 PM   #20
Kyaneos
Steph.
 
Kyaneos's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
I am currently:

I understand where you are coming but I think Beckie is right in that longer threads still need attention, because usually they are ongoing issues rather than just one issue getting 15 pages of support or whatever.

I can see why it seems unfair, but it is better for someone to have 15 pages of ongoing support than 15 threads in the same board of different issues.

Kyaneos is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Members Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Censor is OFF
Forum Jump


Sea Pink Aroma
All times are GMT +1. The time now is 06:04 PM.