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Old 13-10-2015, 09:23 AM   #1
kijam76
 
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Canada
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Dug myself into a hole

Hi,

So up until 2 weeks ago things were going good despite lots of new changes (end of long term relationship, university staring again, work, new apt, etc). I had been nearly 6 years SI free, but I messed up the other day. I missed a deadline for a large project then just couldn't bring myself to finish it, now time keeps passing and I keep putting it off because now I am scared to turn it in and face my professor. Now I have started to close off completely, and ignore everything in my life. I haven't been picking up my phone and, a week later, I have over 60 missed calls, my inbox is full, I'm missing deadlines for everything, I'm forgetting to take my meds, and I've started cutting again. I'm screwing up my final semester at uni. I am screwing up my personal life. I am so screwing up so badly, I know it, and all I can think is that I need to punish myself for it. I don't know if I can bring myself to go and explain myself to all these people. What do I even say? I have no idea how I am going straighten this all out. Now all I can think about is hurting myself. I am so lost right now.

Any suggestions as to how I can save face and make things right?



Into my heart an air that kills
From yon far country blows:
What are those blue remembered hills,
What spires, what farms are those?
That is the land of lost content,
I see it shining plain,
The happy highways where I went
And cannot come again.
-- A.E. Housman --


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Old 13-10-2015, 03:46 PM   #2
Eir
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Does uni have a counsellor? Or do you have a favourite lecturer or one that's generally kind? Perhaps you could approach one of them about what's going on.
Remember that it's a disease. You take medication but sometimes it's not enough. Like when a diabetic has an infection it can put their BSL out despite careful control.
Maybe withdraw from some subjects if you can. That's what ive done. Also chatted to one of My lecturers (happens to be a mental health nurse, I'm studying nursing) which was nice which made the decision to reduce my workload easier
Maybe they can help you apply for extenuating circumstances. Or at least act as a support person and come with you to explain to the lecturers.
Maybe make contact with a mental health unit. A psych may provide you with an explanatory letter. You should do that anyways, you don't sound like you're in a self-management stage of your illness, and professional help might help you get back on track.
Good luck and I hope things start to get better soon



...I try to outsmart him, but somehow he knows,
Wherever I am, that f***ing dog goes... - Dog, Andy Bull

No matter how bad things get, the true test is how we choose to respond to the pain we suffer, or inflict. - Amenadiel, Lucifer

Why is the path unclear,
When we know hope is near
Understand we'll go hand in hand, but we'll walk alone in fear
~~Margo is my penguin 🐧!!! ~~

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Old 15-10-2015, 09:34 AM   #3
kijam76
 
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Thanks for the advice,

I've tried to get an appointment with one of the counselors at school but they are books solid for a month. My referral to the clinic where I was getting counselling ran out a two months ago and I can't go back for at least 6 months. My psych is on vacation at the moment and even though he left somebody else in charge I'm not sure I am comfortable asking that of somebody I don't know. I am taking the minimum course load for the term, which isn't bad, its just that I am dumb enough to wait till the last minute to do anything. Tomorrow I go and face the music and talk with my teachers and other people in my life, which I am not looking forwards to but I need to do it before it gets any worse. I hope that after I deal with this my anxiety will go down and all this will stop and stabilize again. Thanks again.



Into my heart an air that kills
From yon far country blows:
What are those blue remembered hills,
What spires, what farms are those?
That is the land of lost content,
I see it shining plain,
The happy highways where I went
And cannot come again.
-- A.E. Housman --


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Old 15-10-2015, 04:05 PM   #4
Eir
ignoring the cacophony
 
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Location: Australia
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That's a bit of a horrible situation. Good luck tho.



...I try to outsmart him, but somehow he knows,
Wherever I am, that f***ing dog goes... - Dog, Andy Bull

No matter how bad things get, the true test is how we choose to respond to the pain we suffer, or inflict. - Amenadiel, Lucifer

Why is the path unclear,
When we know hope is near
Understand we'll go hand in hand, but we'll walk alone in fear
~~Margo is my penguin 🐧!!! ~~

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