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Old 23-12-2008, 05:29 AM   #1
kijam76
 
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Canada
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Triggering (SI/Substance abuse) - Im at the line

So who would have ever thought I would reach this point... I'm at the fine line between recreational drug user and junkie. It all happened so quick. So when Im really depressed things get distorted, when Im manic things get distorted, when Im high things get distorted. So I am never really in my right mind anyway... If Ive got nothing better to do than sleep and watch tv, then I might as well get high and watch tv and sleep.

I've found a drug of choice... Now I just want to see what happens if I take more and more, I have found myself doing it a lot lately I drift off. Suposedly it causes hallucinations in great enough doses, Im gonna have to try that. I want that to happen.

So now I know why people use drugs, I never knew before, now I am nearly a junkie and I dont know what to do. I crave my next fix. It can never happen soon enough. people know I do it, but they think I do it occasionally, they dont know I need it. They ask me why, I have no answer, They say its stupid, I say whatever. Even more people dont know.

What can I do? I want more but I dont want more, but I need more....

AHHHH



Into my heart an air that kills
From yon far country blows:
What are those blue remembered hills,
What spires, what farms are those?
That is the land of lost content,
I see it shining plain,
The happy highways where I went
And cannot come again.
-- A.E. Housman --


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Old 30-12-2008, 01:07 PM   #2
Wonderland.
 
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Sweetie i'm glad you are able to recognise that it is as a problem. You need to make sure you have some time when you are in your right mind so that you can try and deal with your problems rather than delaying them.
You sound like you are confused whether you want them or not. You want them yet you know they are wrong and know you need help. I think you need to talk to your doctor before this goes way to far. Please get some help hunni.

Take care.
Amy x



'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥


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Old 31-12-2008, 02:47 AM   #3
i.am.me
 
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its good that you know its wrong, but sorry to say, if you are lying to people about it then it is definatly becoming a problem. thats how i knew, when i even lyed to my boyfriend, and he could tell when i was ****ed, but i still lyed. the battle between wanting it but knowing you shouldn't is hard but you have to stop, before you get really spiralled out of control. seek help, your doc can actually be helpful if there is no one close to you that you trust to help you, and although it is cliche, talking about it helps, gets to the root of the reason you take drugs, i'm sure you already know the reason but sadly you have to face it to help yourself.
just try before its too late for you
x
i'm always able to chat if you feel stuck

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