Think of holding your breath for as long as you possibly can, self harm is like that first breath of air you take afterwards. Cutting gives a physical reaction, in exchange for not being able to let out feelings through your emotions. It helps you to 'feel' again.
I never learned how to deal with fear, anger, frustration, saddness. So I found a way to make what I felt tangible. I could deal with physical pain, and found it buried whatever emotional pain had surfaced. I thought I wanted to be emotionless. I didn't. I want to feel. I wish I were alive.
Confessing to self-harm feels like confessing to being a mutant alien out to eat babies. Sure, some people have a positive and helpful reaction, some ignore what you said, but most look at you appaled.That shame...that will kill you. You just want to crawl out of your skin and stop being yourself.
Recovery was one of the hardest decisions for me to make. I felt like giving up self-harm ment I was giving up everything I am. Almost ten months later, I still sometimes feel that way. I sometimes feel defined by my disorder. But my disorder is not me. My disorder can only control me if I let it. Recovery is choosing to never let your disorder control you.
Hope there's still time for more?
I'll give you mine anyway =]
I self-harm because I believe i deserve it. When I do, all the badness within me is released, but there is so much more left. Self-injury needs to be more understood within society, however we are so far away from that happy day. As a self-harmer, you subconsciously search for "signs" on other people, not finding anything, so you feel all alone when really you're not. On my good days, I tell myself, that eventually i will be able to look back and be proud of how far i will have come... I take a little step each day.
i hate my self harm. i hate the fact that im so messed up, i have to create physical pain in order to deal with the mental problems. i hate that i've never found a better way to cope, that nothing ever helps as much as that first cut when the pressure is building up inside of you. but it is my addiction, and im too weak to fight.
Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind.
To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse.
To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.
To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better.
I didn't end up using these in my paper after all. I am picking some of them to add into my Power Point presentation which is based off of my paper. This is actually my final for this class, so feel special.
Thanks again, and sorry for bumping this. I just wanted to let you all know. :)
its my drug, killing me slowly, but i always come back for more, it makes me dissapear, it helps me forget, it helps me remeber, it helps me feel, it helps me go numb. I cant stay away from it
Into my heart an air that kills
From yon far country blows:
What are those blue remembered hills,
What spires, what farms are those?
That is the land of lost content,
I see it shining plain,
The happy highways where I went
And cannot come again.
-- A.E. Housman --
It's a lot easier to see why we self harm from the perspective a self harmer rather than as a non self harmer. There are many reasons for self harm, not all is due to abuse or bullying, and it can't be cured with shouting no matter how much people believe it can. I think it's impossible for any self harmer to look at their 'tool' in the same light again, and once you start, no matter what anyone else says, it is almost impossible to quit.