Ok so people who know me always say your so strong, I wish I could be as strong as you, you always look so happy I wish I could be that way.... etc.
Now I never say this but I always think it.... I get very mad at this, all I want to say to them is "dont you ever say that, take that back" Ive gotten this way from living and trying to deal with all this stuff. Dealing with depression and psychosis, being a danger to yourself... dont you ever wish you have this so called "strength".... I always look this happy but Its just a mask, I hope that you never obtain this mask, only bad things will come, you cant tell anybody how you feel, you cant let it out, its just plain bad... etc
This just is just something thats been making me upset lately, wanted to get it out... anybody here feel the same? or should I just be quiet now and let it slide?
Into my heart an air that kills
From yon far country blows:
What are those blue remembered hills,
What spires, what farms are those?
That is the land of lost content,
I see it shining plain,
The happy highways where I went
And cannot come again.
-- A.E. Housman --
Yep, I kinda get where you're coming from. All of my friends think of me as "caz", the girl you can always depend on, a bit mad, good fun etc. I understand what you're saying about wearing a mask and understand your frustration at people thinking you're this pillar of strength or whatever. Sorry, can't offer much advice, but I know how you feel. Feel free to PM me if you want a chat.
I know where you are coming from, thats how a lot of my friends see me, and I also wish I could tell them the stuff you said. I dont have advice, all I can say is that your not alone in this.
It's easier to run; Replacing this pain with something numb;It's so much easier to go;Than face all this pain here all alone;
Some people say courage is diving infront of a bullet, or bungy jumping off a bridge, but thats not true courage, true courage is facing everyday knowing that it won't be a happy go lucky day, but facing it anyway. It's facing your past, dealing with the present, and looking forward to brighter days.
I can completely understand where you are comign from. I used to be exactly the same and then I had a bit of a break through and thought when people say "oh your so cofident and great at public speaking", I would say thank you, but I get SO nervous and don't like doing it all that much.
In my mind, I think if we speak out the more people feel comfortable to say the same. When I talk about SH or ED's, it's amazing the amount of people who have some sort of link.
You say you get really angry when people say it to you... are you angry with them, or you, or neither?
We don't get given patience but the opportunity to be patient.
Courage isn't handed to us, but we are given opportunities to be courageous.
I know what you mean, I'm a bit like that. People always fail to see the effort and sacrifice that goes into being this way though, and I guess I know why it might irritate you to have people admire something they don't know the origins of.
Like Chloe said, opening yourself up a little might help people understand things better, realise that everyone has moments of weakness, everyone feels vulnerable etc just as everyone can be strong and tough.