Going on a summer trip to NC, and I don't know whether I'm more excited or nervous
I live in Florida and my boyfriend J lives in North Carolina and we've never met in person, but this summer I hope to change that. My dad's friend offered to let me stay with her family for two weeks this summer and I'd almost certainly be able to see J then.
I am beyond excited. This is the thing I am most looking forward to in the foreseeable future, but I am also extremely nervous.
I have kinda severe social anxiety and being away from everywhere I know is scary. On top of this, I am so ****ing nervous about seeing J in person. I worry that I'll disappoint him, that I won't be as funny, smart, pretty, or captivating as he expects me to be. I feel like I can't be good enough and the only reason he hasn't figured that out yet is cuz he's never been around me in person.
He has been my main support system, my hope and faith, the only person who can talk me through the panic, through the cravings, through my delusions. He is the only one who can help me keep a hold on reality when I'm really ****ed. The fear that I can't possibly deserve him is making me so nervous to see him. I shouldn't be afraid to see the person I love the most in the world, next to my father, but I can't bear the thought of him thinking less of me.
I don't know how to stop thinking like this and how to minimize the fear of being in a new place without my family or friends to help me.
Is this normal? Is there anything I could do to help?
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