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01-02-2016, 11:02 PM
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#1
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Join Date: Aug 2006
I am currently:
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Doctors on Thursday
I have to go to this appointment.
I somehow have to get them to take me seriously.
I am sure they wont though. I ate yesterday, i ate today. First time in a while. but hey i am alive.
I purged, for the first time in a long time today. It wasnt good enough...
I have well and truly relapsed.
I am scared, scared of the future and scared that i will never recover.
The thing is, i look fine, no body would know. Yes, i have lost weight but im not obviously ill. but its been 17 long ****ing years of going back and forth with this disorder and im done. I cannot deal with this anymore.
Please people, make me go and what do i bloody well say? Because i am not good at talking and very good at looking ok.
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02-02-2016, 08:00 AM
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#2
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Join Date: Aug 2006
I am currently:
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Thank you for replying. I'm going to have to be quick as I have to go to work. But yes, I want support to recover completely. I've previously had bad experiences with the adult mental health team and spent well over a year on the intake team when you are only meant to see them for 8 weeks. But that was years ago and I haven't had support since.
I have become so absorbed in this and I can't concentrate on anything else. I know the triggers for it but now I can't get out of it.
I will come back later after work, today at work is causing huge anxiety itself.
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02-02-2016, 08:55 PM
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#3
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: London
I am currently:
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Hi Hun I'm so sorry you are hurting it is truly awful when your eating disorder takes all you have. Make a list including dates and any blood pressure numbers and A and E visits then if you get in there and lose your words you have something to give them. Thinking of you xx
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02-02-2016, 09:11 PM
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#4
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Join Date: Aug 2006
I am currently:
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Thank you guys, I'm terrified.
Today at work didn't go well and then i come home to this battle between brain and body. I can't believe I've relapsed into purging again. I did so well and now I feel so disheartened and like a failure in everything. And there I was standing discussing mental illness and eating disorders earlier - such a freaking joke.
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02-02-2016, 09:17 PM
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#5
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: London
I am currently:
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It is not a joke and neither are you . Hugs xx
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04-02-2016, 08:04 PM
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#6
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Join Date: Aug 2006
I am currently:
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So because I've coped this long, it's a 'down faze'. I have been given pills, having a blood test and going back in a month...to re-evaluate.
And she said it, ED services are crap and getting worse and I. Am. Not. Sick. Enough.
One big fraud.
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04-02-2016, 08:26 PM
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#7
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: London
I am currently:
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I'm so sorry that was your experience my blood is boiling on your behalf! How terribly dismissive ! You are absolutely not a fraud . ED services are insanely oversubscribed. How do you view the place you are in Hun? Xx
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04-02-2016, 08:37 PM
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#8
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Join Date: Aug 2006
I am currently:
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I feel horrendous.
Came home. Ate the small amount i do all day, purged, more blood.
But its ok, its just a faze.
Even though its been 17 ****ing years.
My teeth are ****ed, im blacking out, im having heart palpitations but because i dont have an anorexic BMI....im fine.
Pop a multivitamin, drink water, take the happy pills and when im over this episode i will be fine...
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04-02-2016, 09:06 PM
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#9
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: London
I am currently:
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**** I'm so sorry xx
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05-02-2016, 08:17 AM
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#10
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Join Date: Aug 2006
I am currently:
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There is no referral planned at the moment.
I know it sounds stupid but my brain is screaming at me to lose so much more weight and then I may be taken seriously...
I cannot even speak this morning as my throat is raw from purging.
I ordered exercise equipment with money I don't have so I can exercise more...
I feel so ridiculous and I'm scared to take the meds incase of weight gain.
My mind is completely ****ed today. Thank got its Friday.
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14-02-2016, 07:42 PM
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#11
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: London
I am currently:
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How are you doing? Thinking of you ?
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16-02-2016, 10:54 PM
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#12
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Join Date: Aug 2006
I am currently:
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I'm in a really bad place at the moment.
I overdosed.
I haven't done this in years and I'm scared of what I have become.
I have seeked help and am waiting for an ambulance.
I didn't mean to get like this... I just kept taking them.
But I am fat and not worthy.
I have been binging and purging hasn't really happened because all that comes up is blood.
I really don't know what is happening to me and what the hell am I going to tell work?
I don't know what to do anymore....
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17-02-2016, 12:31 PM
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#13
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Join Date: Aug 2006
I am currently:
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I just got home. I was almost sectioned but agreed to see the crisis team daily and see how it goes from there. I am exhausted as I was sat in a chair for the whole night so I will try to come back later when I am feeling up to it.
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17-02-2016, 05:41 PM
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#14
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: London
I am currently:
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Big hugs I'm so sorry you are hurting. I'm low on words but thinking of you xx
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