They are after me again.

[Duck]

It is a kind thought to lend your friend your ipad.
Is there anyone who could go to uni with you?
In the UK, it is sometimes possible to get a support worker to go to uni with you.
Good luck with it.

[Steel Maiden]

Hi Rara,
Duck is right about the support worker. I have a full-time support worker at uni and she is really helpful (although she is not really mental health related as she comes from the National Autistic Society, but there are mental health support workers in existence).
I hope that both you and your friend feel better soon.
Chlorpromazine is very sedating unfortunately. I hope that your dr will not keep you on that dose for too long. I was once on 20mg haloperidol a day and I eventually went down on it due to side-effects. I'm not a fan of first-generation antipsychotics. Do you get any other side-effects besides tiredness? Chlorpromazine does not typically cause bad EPS, but the anticholinergic side-effects are usually more prevalent. At least that is what I've learned.
I hope that things will improve soon for you, and your friend.
Best wishes,
Oly

[rara avis]

Duck and Oly, thank you.
I have no idea how I'd even go about getting a support worker, I might look into it.
The only side effects I get are tiredness (although I'm still having a lot of trouble sleeping) and the twitches/tics.

I'm struggling. I'm tired of hospital, of Voices, of staff trying to control me, of people not listening to me and just telling me I'm sick, of medication and of medication not working, of not being able to sleep, of not being able to help my friend... I'm just tired of everything.

[Duck]

I don't know how things work where you are, but in the UK universities have a disability support office, who would help.

I am sorry you are fed up with everything. It is tough, but you just have to keep going.

[Steel Maiden]

Rara, contact the disability team at your university and ask them about support workers. Although I only know about the UK system.

I hope that things improve for you soon.

[rara avis]

I might look into that.

I am being controlled by the staff, the are sedating me and making me drink god knows what to make me docile and slow. The Spybots are involved. I've refused the chlorpromazine this morning because I'm not going to let Them get me. I think I have to leave this place.

[Duck]

I am worried about you trying to leave. You said that the last time you left, there was a problem with the police. It will be safer in hospital where the police will not come for you.

[rara avis]

Last time I was going to in.
But you may be right, I don't want the police to find me..
I feel so trapped, and watched and the Voices are horrible. I can't escape

[rara avis]

I'm at uni, with my headphones in, don't know how it's going to go taking them out for class. I stole a knife from the hospital kitchen for protection, in case the Spies/Spybots that are following me try to do something. I always see them out of the cornerner of my eye. It's like they just disappear when I turn to look at them. I am so tired.

[rara avis]

I was panicking, the Voices were all saying horrible things saying i had to hurt myself or people would die, about the Spybots and how someone I saw on the street was a Spybot and I had to kill them . All i know is that i had a knife and that I cut myself. But I don't remember a bit about what happened. I wentto my classes through which I gleaned little information. I was close to flipping out when I left and the Voices were yelling and screaming. I caught a train and taxi to get me to the hospital with my headphones in blasting music. They stitched me up and I went back to hospital. They are saying horrible things about the microchip in my arm and how I have to remove it because I failed last time. I am watched all the time. I don't know what to do. I'm tired and the Voices won't stop

[Steel Maiden]

I don't think the chlorpromazine is helping. Can you remind me what meds you've tried so far?

I hope that things won't get this bad for you again.

[rara avis]

Hey Oly,
I've been on Quietiapine, ziprasidone and now aripiprazole?
I'm struggling. Don't know what to do with myself. Trying to stay busy and distracted.

[Steel Maiden]

Hi Rara,
Staying busy and distracted is good, but I think you need a meds review. The meds you've tried are said to be good, but there are so many others you can try. I won't say which ones because I am not qualified to tell you what medication is best, but I would advise you asking your psych about a meds review.
Oly.

[Duck]

I agree about the meds review.

I also think it might be better to take some time off uni at the moment, so you can go back and do your course when you can do really better at it. I took time off my first degree, it was difficult, but I got there in the end.

[Steel Maiden]

^ yes I agree, some time off uni would help too.