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Old 21-06-2007, 05:58 PM   #1
Mafrofro
apparently an adult now
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
I am currently:
good news and bad news

Hey, ive not really posted on ryl since we got the new site but i thought it might be nice to update whats going on my life at the mo (not that its that interesting, but because ive got a new problem and just want a wee bit of help)
So.. ive not physically self harmed in a year (which im really proud of but i think it may have a few adverse effects)
At first i felt sooo much better for it because it meant that i didnt have people staring at my arms and whatnot but a few months in i turned 18 and started going out more with my friends, which isnt a problem in itself because ive been allowed to drink since i was younger but now i think it might be getting a bit out of control.
Ive done the usually turning 18 bit where i was drunk for the week or so of my birthday and that was fine because i thought it was a one-off and everyone does it, its a tradition right?
Me and my friends had twice weekly outings to pubs, bars and clubs (again not too unusual) and we all did silly things like puking in club toilets, passing out, going home with people we met etc (not too smart, i admit but we were having a good time and nothing was going wrong) and eventually my friends stopped doing it as much because we all work and some things come first.
However it got to the point where i was drinking quite a lot after work and most nights of the week i was going to the local pub. Eventually i was running low on money so i started getting drunk at home and thats where im at now.
I hate the fact that im getting drunk alone like some lonely old woman but i cant stop because i love how i dont have to be responsible when im drunk. I love that if i do anything stupid whilst drunk i can just fobb it off to being a drunken mistake.
I think its starting to ruin my life now though since i feel like i should be doing it before i go to work to make myself feel more confident. I started sleeping with my manager after a work night out because i was that drunk and for a while that made things a bit better because i felt special and that someone loved me but now he wants nothing more to do with it or me which has made being at work really awkward.
Sorry about this post being really long and it probably wont make much sense since im just trying to get things out and not really worrying about it all being readable (is that a word? oh well nevermind)
The thing i like about being on ryl is that you can get everything out, before i joined i held the (very wrong) opinion that it was just for attention seeking people too weak to sort themselves out but now i see that everyone on here is just trying to get help and that being able to write everything down is just a way of getting thoughts in order and seeking support. Id like to apologise for thinking the worst about people using the site and hopefully some of you reading this would be able forgive me by offering a bit of advice or support or even just commenting.
sorry.
I just dont know what to do

p.s sorry if the post doesnt make sense in some parts

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Old 21-06-2007, 06:21 PM   #2
Lewis The Second
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Leeds

Makes perfect sense. I'm trying to get my head around related issues at the moment (see my thread further down this forum). It's incredibly easy to spiral out of control, as I've seen first-hand. You have to be careful.

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Old 25-06-2007, 09:41 AM   #3
typsee
....
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
I am currently:

Hey there ... thanks for sharing some of your experience with us.

Your drinking pattern sounds alot like how my drinking progressed back when I was your age (yeah - I'm really really old!). Although I didnt drink before I was 18, when I did start drinking, it was mainly when I went out clubbing with friends ... except I usually drank alot more than anyone else, and got sicker and more drunk than anyone else. And after a while, I ended up drinking at home coz it was just easier for me, and alot cheaper. And I also loved the way being drunk made me feel, and that feeling of not caring less what I did, or said, and letting my family take care of me coz I was in not fit state to look after myself. I guess when you turn 18, that 'adult' label can be pretty scary if you're not quite ready for it, and if there was one thing that drinking did for me, was that it got rid of that 'responsiblity' that I hated about being a legitimate adult. I wasnt ready to grow up at 18 ... or 19 .. or even 24 ... and drinking and getting drunk to an unconscious level, put me in the position of needing someone else to look after me ... and for a while, I really needed that. I guess I wasnt ready to grow up, and drinking allowed me to remain a big kid for alot longer, and someone who had no responsibility - I could say and do what I wanted to, and then just apologise for it the next morning, 'coz I was drunk and didnt mean it'.

If this way of living is still fun for you, it means you are still in the 'honeymoon period' of drinking, and unfortunately the bad news is that it wont always be this way. Soon enough, being drunk isnt going to feel that great anymore ... it'll make you feel so sick ... people arent going to want to 'look after' an adult anymore .... your friends and family will no longer be as forgiving of you when you're drunk ... the things you say and do when drunk, will just be very embarrassing and humilliating to you (that's if you remember it!) .... getting drunk just wont be 'fun' anymore when you start really hurting the people you love, and that will happen when your drinking gets out of hand (if it hasnt started already).

I dont mean to lecture you, but seeing someone in a position similar to how I was in many years ago ... I would do anything to stop someone from going down the same path that I did. That' not to say that you WILL, but if you are drinking more often, and greater quantities, and if its effecting your work, and your social life, and your friendships and family relationships, then it sounds like its getting to be a real problem in your life, and the sooner you can take back the reins and take control of your life again, the easier it will be.

I'm glad that your whole approach and outlook on RYL has changed ... and it sounds like a real positive step that you are able to write out in the forums what's going on for you right now .... and maybe you may decide to give people a chance to help, if you feel that help is what you need.

Keep talking hun .... sometimes it just helps to clarify in our own minds, exactly what we think is going on for us.

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