Hey there ... thanks for sharing some of your experience with us.
Your drinking pattern sounds alot like how my drinking progressed back when I was your age (yeah - I'm really really old!). Although I didnt drink before I was 18, when I did start drinking, it was mainly when I went out clubbing with friends ... except I usually drank alot more than anyone else, and got sicker and more drunk than anyone else. And after a while, I ended up drinking at home coz it was just easier for me, and alot cheaper. And I also loved the way being drunk made me feel, and that feeling of not caring less what I did, or said, and letting my family take care of me coz I was in not fit state to look after myself. I guess when you turn 18, that 'adult' label can be pretty scary if you're not quite ready for it, and if there was one thing that drinking did for me, was that it got rid of that 'responsiblity' that I hated about being a legitimate adult. I wasnt ready to grow up at 18 ... or 19 .. or even 24 ... and drinking and getting drunk to an unconscious level, put me in the position of needing someone else to look after me ... and for a while, I really needed that. I guess I wasnt ready to grow up, and drinking allowed me to remain a big kid for alot longer, and someone who had no responsibility - I could say and do what I wanted to, and then just apologise for it the next morning, 'coz I was drunk and didnt mean it'.
If this way of living is still fun for you, it means you are still in the 'honeymoon period' of drinking, and unfortunately the bad news is that it wont always be this way. Soon enough, being drunk isnt going to feel that great anymore ... it'll make you feel so sick ... people arent going to want to 'look after' an adult anymore .... your friends and family will no longer be as forgiving of you when you're drunk ... the things you say and do when drunk, will just be very embarrassing and humilliating to you (that's if you remember it!) .... getting drunk just wont be 'fun' anymore when you start really hurting the people you love, and that will happen when your drinking gets out of hand (if it hasnt started already).
I dont mean to lecture you, but seeing someone in a position similar to how I was in many years ago ... I would do anything to stop someone from going down the same path that I did. That' not to say that you WILL, but if you are drinking more often, and greater quantities, and if its effecting your work, and your social life, and your friendships and family relationships, then it sounds like its getting to be a real problem in your life, and the sooner you can take back the reins and take control of your life again, the easier it will be.
I'm glad that your whole approach and outlook on RYL has changed ... and it sounds like a real positive step that you are able to write out in the forums what's going on for you right now .... and maybe you may decide to give people a chance to help, if you feel that help is what you need.
Keep talking hun .... sometimes it just helps to clarify in our own minds, exactly what we think is going on for us.
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