Suicidal

[Indigo.]

I'm sorry you're suffering so much, Lillie. You definitely don't deserve it, you're a lovely person, you deserve all the good things in the world, and you can get through this.

Were you given any advice at the hospiral on how to cope with the pain until your op? Were you not prescribed extra painkillers?

[chinahorse]

Thank you.

It didn't hurt earlier. It hurt when it was first put on but not like this. I've taken the strongest otc painkillers available and they haven't touched it.

[Indigo.]

Hmm so did it just suddenly start hurting now? Do you think you may have accidentally touched/hit it somehow in your sleep maybe? You said that when you woke up it seemed swollen.

Can you call NHS direct, and ask for their opinion?

[chinahorse]

Yeah I might have done. It did seem to come on gradually though.

If it's still bad I the morning I'll call them. As it is to ight I couldn't get down 4 flights of stairs to the door.

[Indigo.]

I know with burns sometimes you can lose feeling? Maybe that's why it didn't hurt until now. Maybe the pain is related to the tissue regrowth.

It sounds like the pain is really severe, I would definitely call if in the morning or even during the night if you feel unable to move because of the pain & it making you sick.

[Uglyducklin]

I'm low on words but leaving you a hug xx

[chinahorse]

Thank you for your support.

The pain is up and down but much better than last night.

However I'm feeling really low and just semi binged. I just can't face this anymore. The consequences being this bad and still knowing I'm lucky to be able to walk.

The man is scaring me.

[chinahorse]

I'm struggling so much today

[tiptoes]

Sorry that you are struggling today.

Do you want to talk about it?

[chinahorse]

I can't face the consequences of my actions. I feel so low. Km lucky to be able to walk and I know that but I'm scared and low. And I want t go back to the cassel and it'll be at least another week.

[tiptoes]

It must be a lot to get your head around and it is understandable that you are low and scared. You don't have to deal with it all now, it won't be long before you are back at the cassel and you can get the help and support that you aren't going to find yourself in this situation again. You can't change what you have done but you do have a say in what you do now and moving forward and I think you have demonstrated a great deal of strength and courage.

Is your CPN/CC able to give you some support in the meantime.

[chinahorse]

I sent my cpn away today. I couldn't cope with talking. I can't deal and I can't use my normal methods of self care or anyhing

[tiptoes]

What can you cope with? Sometimes we have pare things right back to the most basic things. Waking up, drinking tea and staring at walls then going to bed and then start working up from there.

[chinahorse]

I'm so fed up. I can't stop crying. All I seem to be able to cope with is watching tv and being on here and messaging people.

[tiptoes]

That's ok, if that's all you can cope with that is ok. Your hurt and you are in pain both physically and mentally. It's ok.

The crying must be tough, I don't know if this would help or not but in a program I watched recently a character was having crying lots and their friend got them to sing a favourite song. You can't sing and cry at the same time!

Messaging people is good, do you have any friends who could pop in on you?

[chinahorse]

No friends who live close by.

I want out of this. I'm so so fed up and thoughts keep going to suicidal. I don't know why I'm bothering to life I'm not very good at it. I'm so lonely.

[Sketchy]

Keep fighting lovely. Things can get better, even if they don't feel like it. Is there anyone you can phone? Family member? Keep posting here too. You are never alone here.

[chinahorse]

My dad phoned. He cares it was nice to talk to him.

I feel so gross. I'm not clean. I've binged all day. It's all falling apart.

[Sketchy]

I'm glad it was nice talking to your dad. You could always phone him back if you need to.

Can you do something that will make you feel cleaner. Some pampering?
How are distractions working? Are you up to making your bows or something? What about watching your favourite tv programs with a cup of tea? Sorry, I realise these suggestions may seem impossible when things are so hard. I hope you can do something nice for yourself.

[chinahorse]

I really want a bath but can't. I know I'm clean enough as I've had a wash every day but it's not tge sane as a bath or shower.

I'm watching my favourite policentre interceptors. I cba to achieve tea as it's 2 flights of stairs away.

I want out of this. I want out. I can't face this anymore