Something really bad happened last night....Again, I feel like killing myself, I don't think I can handle this....
I was at a friends, she had just split up wither her boyfriend, we were drinking wine and watching movies, when her ex and his two Nigerian friends turn up.
She instantly goes off with her ex into her room, I don't think she planned this, but she didn't even talk to me, she was just so happy to see him.
And I was left in her living room with his two friends.
I was quite drunk, and hardly even noticed they were there, I was dancing to music and drinking more wine, when they came either side of me and started dancing with me, which I didn't have a problem with untill they got too close...
I tried to push them away, but they wouldn't budge...
After about ten minutes they uh, they covered my mouth and took me into her bathroom and locked the door.
I tried to scream for my friend, but these guys were seriously strong...
One of them pinned me to the floor while the other raped me...Then they swiched over and the other did the same...
They were laughing at me and hitting me when I tried to scream, I tried to close my eyes and block it out but then they held my eyes open, making me watch....
After they had finished and went back into the living room, I just ran out the door, and spent two hours at 2am wondering around Trafalgar Square...
I don't know what to do, I'm so disgusted with myself and I don't know why this happened, especially as I'm doing so well not talking to my ex...
Why did I deserve this, I must be doing something wrong...
I must be giving something out that people think It's okay...
I'm going crazy...
I've managed to tell one of my closest friends, but no one else, apart from writing it on here...
I don't know what I'm going to do, I'm so messed up...
And I'm having to make tons of excuses not to see my boyfriend, I don't think I can handle that, and what if he doesn't want to be with me anymore?
I haven't even told him about everything that happened with my ex, leave alone dropping this on him...I don't know how he'll react or cope...
I really don't know what to do, this has ****ed me up so bad...
No matter how many showers I have I don't feel clean, I can feel them all the time...
*hugs* no one should ever have to go through that. What did your friend say when you told them?
You've done nothing wrong hun and I hope that your boyfriend will understand that. Do you feel able to report them?
~Here I am at your feet in my brokenness complete~
*hugs* this is not your fault at all! what they did was horrible and totally wrong. it's up to you if you want to report them, but i hope you do for your sake. how do you think your bf would react if you told him? You really need support right now and he might be able to give it to you.
I'm not going to report them, I've been down that road before and I see no point, there was two of them, one of me.
I just don't understand why this happens to me...This will be the seventh time, in my life that someone has done this to me, something must be my fault, it wouldn't happen otherwise...
there is no way that this could possibly be your fault. these people took advantage of you and that is just NOT RIGHT!!!
there is no way that you could have caused this. there are some awful people in this world, and some of these seem able to almost sense vulnerability and exploit that. it doesn'y make it your fault though, THEY DID WRONG NOT YOU
just because it has happened a lot to you doesn't make it your fault. it just means you have happened to come across some very bad people. *hugs* but never think it's your fault. they hurt you and there was nothing you could do about it, unfortunately. it's ok if you don't want to report them. that's totally up to you. we're here for you though through this.
Even if this wasn't my fault, I'm still the one having to deal with it...I don't know how to do that again, I'm still getting over the things my ex boyfriend did to me...I don't know how to do this as well...
I've already had five showers today and I still feel disgusting, my family think I'm crazy and there's no way I can tell them, they will report them to the police and that's not what I want, I dont want to be back there again.
I just want to forget about this and I have no idea how to tell my boyfriend, but he needs to know.
im really sorry you're going through this at the moment on top of everything else. have you got any support at all? like professional support like a counsellor or therapist or something? talking to professional people to work through your feelings and stuff can help you deal with everything
