So the other day my mom I guess found out about an email I wasnt supposed to have. And she made me log on and let her read the emails. There was a few emails between my boyfriend and I from a few days back. They were basically me talking to him about my self harming again that night. My mom flipped. I normally cut my left lower wrist and hide them with a million bracelets. She made me take them off because she knew from the past thats where i did it. But, i told her id stop.. I slipped. And she said I cant wear bracelets anymore. So anytime I go out in public I feel everyones staring at my wrist and it bothers me. My mom also thinks she has to search me everyday for more cuts. And makes my brother watch me when she cant. My dads watching and checking me also. They think I want to kill myself, when in all honesty, I just want to feel. I dont want the attention, I dont want to die, I just want to FEEL. Something, anything. I dont know. I guess im just venting here. And this turned out pretty long, so thanks to everyone who read it through. Oh and if anyone has any tips on what I can do to not feel so insane and not go crazy on my parents for doing this, please let me know. Because im getting sick of this.
Sometimes perfection means being a little messed up.~
I've never had to go through something like that with my parents so I can't relate, but I do understand how hard it can be when others react that way when they find out that you are still hurting yourself. From what you've written it sounds like your parents DO love you and care about you. They aren't doing these things to make you angry, but only to try and keep you safe. Also, they could be scared and confused about all of this since it can be very difficult on others when they find out that a loved one is hurting so much to turn to harming themselves. Perhaps you can sit down with them and calmly talk to them about how this is making you feel and try and come up with some other ways to help you through this. I'm not sure if you are already doing this, but getting professional help may be a good idea, too.
It sounds like you're feeling quite numb and that your experience is that self harm encourages you to feel. I would suggest that you explore other, non harmful ways of bringing up feelings. I can understand how self harm might also help you feel that you're in control of your feelings, but there are other ways of doing that. Have you talked to your parents about your struggle with your feelings? They might be able to help.
Thanks, Im gonna try and talk to them. And I am getting help from a therapist but lately everytime I go there it just reminds me of all the bad things I have to talk about there.. I dont know. But ill try to explain it to them.
Sometimes perfection means being a little messed up.~
Stuffing away the bad things, as you see them, actually can make them more toxic for you. Though talking about them feels unpleasant, it can actually really help relieve that emotional pressure inside.
I'm 13 and cut but no one gets me and why I do it . I've been diagnosed with depression and have to go to a mental health clinic soon that I'm nervous about . But I can't stop cutting it makes me feel better and I know it's not the right thing to do or strongly not recommend . I must have slit my wrists and hands but people judge and say I'm suicidal when I'm not . I understand you and it's hard to go through but even harder to hide the cuts.
have you explained your feelings to them in at least a neutral manner? when you're tired of that, make some space from them. go out with friends, go for a walk, do something that takes you out of the house and puts some physical distance between you two.
even if you hate talking, find solace in something that you can always return to. music, a favorite place, anything.
Hello stranger, can you tell us where you've been?
More importantly, however did you come to be here?
Though a stranger, you can rest here for a while...
But save your energy, your journey here is far from over.
My dad thinks i should be on them, Ive never been before so I cant really give you advice, but if you think its gotten to that point then maybe you should. I hope it works out.
Sometimes perfection means being a little messed up.~
