Really rubbish day

[tamobhuuta]

Hi Lillie, I am sorry you're struggling. I send you love and urge you to be brave and hold on.

[one_step_closer]

Lillie, I'm sorry you're not getting the respect and care that you deserve. Do you feel like there is anyone at all on your side?

[Aubergine]

You're something to me. I read and I care.


Is there a mental health advocacy service in your area? They can be quite useful at getting people the support they need. You shouldn't have to do this on your own, so perhaps if someone in your corner then it'll feel a bit easier.

[chinahorse]

No one who does not want something from me.

[chinahorse]

Thank you all.

Thank you too aubergine.
I don't know about advocacy. I don't expect to be alive long enough for it to matter.
All people would say is that I have a cc and a therapist what more do I want.

[Aubergine]

I don't want anything from you. People on RYL don't want anything from you. We want to help to support you through this.


You have a CC who doesn't see you enough, especially at the moment when you're just starting out with the new therapist. An advocate might be able to help you get more frequent appointments with her so that you are being better supported. Do you think the crisis team would be helpful at the moment. Things do sound particularly distressng for you, so extra input might be helpful?

[chinahorse]

Im just done. And I want the last bit not to hurt my heart so much as the past has.

[Aubergine]

What happened with the crisis team? I'm sorry that whatever it was hurt you.


You're only two session into therapy, aren't you? Perhaps when the relationship with your therapist gets stronger and more trusting, it'll start to help and things won't feel so deperate?

[chinahorse]

They say I'm attention seeking.

I've had 9 months of incredibly intensive therapy. It won't work. Only going so my cmht don't say I'm not trying.

[Aubergine]

Oh, I'm sorry that they said that. I don't think that that's a fair assessment of your situation at all. And even if you WERE needing attention, it's exactly that - you need it. People don't go to such desperate measures as you have in the past without them needing something, whether it be attention or something else.


You had 9 months of therapy at the Cassel, yeah? The Cassel is not the kind of place that will suit everyone/work for everyone. There will be people, like you, who need a different approach. Just because that didn't work, it doesn't mean that outpatient therapy won't either.

[chinahorse]

Its just hopeless. I should not live.I can not live. I cant.

The cassel ruined what little will to live I had left. They said I wont get better.

[Aubergine]

It's not hopeless and yes you can. I do understand that things feel completely unbearable right now, but you'll come out of the other side of this, alive and kicking.


What were the words the cassel used when they said that to you?

[Auror.]

The Cassel was mainly dbt based right? I say this because like you, I've never found intensive treatment super helpful, and I've also done DBT multiple times and it's not super useful.

Some of the treatment modalities that I've found more helpful and more useful focus more on acceptance of how things are (like a lot of stuff from ACT has been helpful to me) as well as more on stabilization/management versus focusing on how to make changes to get things better. Do you think it might help to suggest to your team that you need the focus on management and stability instead of whatever their goal is?

That might not make as much sense in my head. But I'm so sorry Lillie. You don't deserve this.

[chinahorse]

Well damn. Just damn.

I'm not sure where to go from here.

Probably going to loose my job. I had words with my area manager.

Shit. Shit shit shit shit

[nonperson]

I don't really know what to say but maybe you should get to a doctor? A&E? You need to reach out for help and realise that there ARE people out there who can help you. Killing yourself is really not the solution.

[chinahorse]

There isn't another way. The nhs have nothing else to offer. I can't afford anything privately.I have repeatedly reached out for help recently and it has not be given. Which is evidence to the fact people can't or won't.
I appreciate the support given on here but it's not help. It's support. Which I was trying to use until I got help, but now there's no one left to ask.

The cassel is psychoanalytical psyschodynamic therapy based. Ive also done dbt etc.

I don't see a way forward. I'm sorry to have irritated people sk much.

[nonperson]

Do you have any friends or family you can talk to? I know it'd just be more "support" but simple support can go a long way in making you feel you're not alone in this.

[chinahorse]

I have tried speaking to my mum but she can be very hit and miss. My dad can't cope with my mental health. And even when they try to do helpful things it's things that are uaully harmful for my physical health or inconsiderate for it. Which makes my mental health worse.

[Elmer]

I'm sorry it came to this, but you do need to get help for the OD. I am thinking of you.

[nonperson]

What about any charities you could call? They might be able to offer something that might help even if it's just short term..?

I don't really know about this stuff. I just believe there must be more options out there..!