im abit embarrased but i really need adive (i dont even know if you will able to help me)
i had a baby 5 months ago and i must have had sex about 8 times in that time. recently i have been feeling very very depressed so much so that i sometimes cant even move im so sad. i havent had sex with my partner for about 3 weeks and im really worried he is going to leave me if i dont have sex with him soon, i just cant bring myself to do it. i have never been very into sex or ever really enjoyed it its just something i do because i know its expected of me and i dont want to upset the people im with. But this time i cant just force myself to have sex because i just dont want him to see my body, i dont want to be touched in a sexual way.
it is really effecting our relationship, we hardly talk and when we do its always with an angry undertone (i think its because he is fustrated and i am worrying and sad), we dont touch each other at all and if we do have a cuddle i feel so freaked out because i think its going to lead to sex and i just cant do that.
Hi,
This is totally understandable and an issue I have come across before. The way you feel is completely legitimate and you're not the only woman to feel this way. The best advice I can give you is to TALK to your partner, really sit him down and explain. You need to clear the air, or this issue will have a worse effect on your relatinship if you let it carry on. If he's any sort of decent man he will listen and make a plan with you to work through this in a way that makes you feel comfortable and helps him cope too. Good luck!
Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
thank you for your replies, i spoke to my partner last night and its not just the sex issue, i feel like he doesnt even want to be near me any longer and i dont really want to be near him. so we spoke and said "how can we fix this, do you even want to?" and he said he did but he didnt know how to. But then after i put the baby to bed we had a cuddle and a propper talk and i feel alot better about everything. he said that he doesnt want sex at the moment anyway because he is stressed and not very well psyhically so he doesnt feel annoyed about that and that maybe we should spend some time together away from the baby and also just by ourselves without the baby. so today after my therapy (my son was at the childminder) i called him up and asked if wanted to spend lunch with me for an hour before i had to pick him up and we did and it was nice. so i feel better about everything.
thank you all for your advice talking is the best option definatly, i just wish i could feel attractive and like i actually want sex because eventhough its fine for him now i dont think i will ever really enjoy it or want to do it again.
That's awesome Sunshine, well done for talking to him!
You will feel better in time. If you're worried about your feelings and think you might have post natal depression I urge you to talk to your therapist more about it as you may benefit from some extra help.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
Is there anyone who can look after little one for a few hours once a week/for night/month etc so you can have date night? Matt and I used to go to dinner or a film or bingo or to a pub and if my mum took the girls overnight we'd do dinner and film if it s a weekday and clubbing if it was a weekend night. Helps keep you sane!
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
i feel like you did most of the time, i don't like being touched sexually and i'm scared my husband is getting a bit fed up with it- i just feel so low and sad all the time- by the way the suggestion from mandimoo i think is a really good idea- was going to suggest something similiar but got beaten to it i see lol
psychedlicflower girl: sorry you feel like this too
i told my cpn about how i felt and she asked if i wanted to put my son up for adoption which really upset me because she obviously thinks im an unfit mother she asked aswell if i wasnt having sex with my partner because i was punishing him, which also upset me because i wouldnt do that and she obviously has a very low opinon of me, she also said she cant help me and that i have to go to relate (the realationship councilors) although i dont think thats the stem of my depression its just a small factor. she kept asking what i did i want them to do to help me and i just dont know, i just would have liked her to care abit more and not just jump on the fact its a realtionship thing.
she sounds like a nightmare! i would make a complaint the last thing you need is someone who's supposed to be supporting you to come out with all that!
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
psychedlicflower girl: sorry you feel like this too
i told my cpn about how i felt and she asked if i wanted to put my son up for adoption which really upset me because she obviously thinks im an unfit mother she asked aswell if i wasnt having sex with my partner because i was punishing him, which also upset me because i wouldnt do that and she obviously has a very low opinon of me, she also said she cant help me and that i have to go to relate (the realationship councilors) although i dont think thats the stem of my depression its just a small factor. she kept asking what i did i want them to do to help me and i just dont know, i just would have liked her to care abit more and not just jump on the fact its a realtionship thing.
I do totally know how you feel- she shouldn't have suggested putting your son up for adoption, that's not right...
my cpn always seems to be off sick so i never get to see him.. my str worker is really helpful though. i wish i could just get back to seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist so i can talk through a lot of my issues because i find that helps at least a little bit.
imo i find cpn's generally jump on the first thing they think of for a cause. it doesn't seem like they actually care .. they act like it's my job .. your my job and i go home at x time... and it doesn't really help.. makes me feel more worthless than i did before they came to see me :/
she sounds like a nightmare! i would make a complaint the last thing you need is someone who's supposed to be supporting you to come out with all that!
And i would agree with mandimoo again here too! :)
Tonight I spent an hour in the bath just lying there trying not to drown myself and I didn't not for myself or even my baby but I know it probably wouldn't work and my fiance would shout and probably leave me!
I just got out and told him I'm not eatting tonight so he has to cook for himself (its my turn to cook) but I can't look at myself I'm so ugly, I can't stand being around myself! I kept seeing blood in the bath and kept wishing it was own and there was something sharp to stab myself with!
I'm scared to tell my fiance any of this because he always belittles what I say and says 'you don't really want to die' or just ignores me! I feel like I have noone!
I keep thinking maybe I should wait till the middle of the night and just sneak out and kill myself but I can't tell the crisis line I think this because they will just tell me I don't love my son!
I know I should do some dbt skills but I'm fed up with dealing with this constant sadness and these thoughts! I just want to be dead
she asked aswell if i wasnt having sex with my partner because i was punishing him, which also upset me because i wouldnt do that and she obviously has a very low opinon of me, she also said she cant help me and that i have to go to relate (the realationship councilors) although i dont think thats the stem of my depression its just a small factor. she kept asking what i did i want them to do to help me and i just dont know, i just would have liked her to care abit more and not just jump on the fact its a realtionship thing.
