Okay,so. I auditioned for the talent show. My talent? Performing "Cancer", by My Chemical Romance, me on vocals and my friend on grand piano. Did I make it? NOPE! They cut my bloody act! When I found out, I started bawling my eyes out. I mean, seriously? A kid whose only talent is twirling PENS makes it, but I get cut? What the hell? So...yeah. I am feeling pretty down right now. Could use love, support, and hugs. Thanks.
So. I talked to the choir teacher, who is “sponsoring” this year’s talent show. I asked him why I was cut, and he told me it was because the panelists noticed that I was definitely out of tune. He did, however, say that I was remarkably prepared, and that I knew my song backwards and forwards, but that everyone in the room noticed how out of tune I was. He then said that the decision to cut me had been made to spare me the embarrassment of having an auditorium full of people hear how out of tune I was. I mean, I understand why they cut me, but what I cannot understand is why every single person who had heard me audition, then talked to me later, said I had done such an amazing job, and how I had sounded so good; if every person in the room had noticed how out of tune I was, then why the **** didn’t they tell me sooner? I feel so embarrassed. I mean, it is not my fault that I cannot sing in-tune. It is my ears’ fault, and I just feel so much more embarrassed, because I had no idea just how out of tune I apparently always am.
I once sang at a graduation when I was about 10 and I was SO out of tune and right into the microphone too with my, equally bad, friend. Nobody told us to our faces but I overheard it the next day a lot and it was really hurtful and I felt so bad.
Now I laugh about it though, the sting goes away eventually, but I can certainly relate to it hurting so much right now though xo
time: 11:55
So…i am in class with the choir teacher, but i will not be singing today. nope. Not gonna happen. So now i am hearing everyone else singing, and it feels awkward af. Oh, well. Screw it. Screw this class. Just…screw it. Screw everything. i hate it. i ****ing hate it. i hate everything to do with singing right now. Life is an insufferable bitch, and i shouldn’t have to be dealing with it right now. My teacher told me that i “have a tendency to sing out of tune when singing solo, but that it is something that can be fixed.” He then told me that i was cut from the show because everyone in the room could apparently hear how out of tune I was, and the decision was made to cut me because it would've been embarrassing if the auditorium full of people heard me and laughed me off the stage. Well, when i talked to people after my audition, they said i sounded great and that i was a shoo-in. why the **** would everybody lie to me like that? what was the point in that? time: 12:01
Please send hugs, love, and support my way. i have another thirty minutes or so that i have to deal with this. Please wish me luck. Oh, great. Now he is talking about solos for the upcoming spring concert. i would've auditioned for it, but, well obviously, i'm not now. i mean, he has seen me cry, for crying out loud! How am i supposed to face his class, after he told me that, even in choir, i sing really out of tune, but it is not as noticeable because then i am not the only voice singing. i think i might either quit choir or no longer participate. If i suck that much, then what is the point of trying anymore? It is fully within my rights to quit, especially because of what happened with the whole talent show thing. time: 12:05
And as to your questions concerning my song choice? Well, i could have chosen a more upbeat My Chemical Romance song, but the thing is, "Cancer" means something to me, whereas a lot of MCR's more upbeat songs do not. Back in December of 2006, my grandma died of complications from cancer. The song makes me think of her, so the performance would have been being dedicated to her memory. i know, a lot of people may not agree with my selection, but i wanted to sing something that i actually gave a **** about, you know? Like, i didn't wanna just be singing something for the sake of singing it. i have found ((or at least, i thought i had)) that when the song means something to me, i give it more effort, and it can be heard. i didn't want to do a song that would be known by everyone, because i wanted to do something that meant something to me. Apparently, i shouldn't have even tried, because it was all for nothing. time: 12:10
So...yeah. Thanks for letting me bitch and moan about my unimportant little problems. It is nice to know that there are people who at least pretend to care about what i'm going through. It helps with the suck of it all. It really does, so thanks. time: 12:15
but...yeah. this totally sucks. i hate it, i really do. so...yeah. time: 12:17
i know that i am repeating what i have said in previous posts, but meh. its how i am feeling at the moment, so its going in. if it was previously said, then oh well. i guess this is kinda what its like to be in "emotional mind"--as it would be called in dialectical behavioural therapy. DBT is for those of us with either a) a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder or b) will receive the official diagnosis once they turn eighteen. ((i fall into the latter)). i know, i should be trying to get out of this ruminating shitty thing right now, but i am perfectly fine with being here, because i wanna actually wanna get out how i am feeling, and what better way to do it than right in the second you are feeling it? you know what i mean? time: 12:21
ew. i have this weird pulsing feeling in my lower back on the right side. i mean, it is probably from the poor posture i am sitting in while typing this. i am sitting on the floor in the back of the choir class, hoping the teacher doesn't notice me ((hey, it's worked pretty good so far.)) time: 12:24
because of my weird computer situation, i will not have internet access until next class period,but i can still write this down, so that is why i am inputting the time these things were written, to give a bit of perspective of how i am doing as this class period goes on. holy ****. i think he might see me soon. i can try to move out from behind this table, but that is almost guaranteeing that he sees me, and that will be awkward. time: 12:30
haven't been seen all this time, so it looks like i am in the clear. about ten minutes left of this class period, and they are almost done with the last piece of the day. So...looks like i made it. he's ending it early today, so it looks like i made it. yay. **huge sigh of relief** time: 12:35
i managed to sneak out of the room, so yay. crisis averted!!! it still feels shitty though **sighs** oh, well...now i have to deal with the rest of the day. time: 12:39
Can I just say something that you may not agree with that sprung to mind when you posted your reasoning behind the song...
Although it meant something to you there is a posibility that the song may have been triggering to those who have lost people to cancer, I know if I went to a talent show and someone sung that song I would get upset if I didn't know your reasons behind it. That said, if you had been taking part and had said you were singing it in memory of your grandma it would have made me more comfortable to sit and listen to you sing it.
Also, in terms of people not telling you that you were out of tune, people can find it difficult to be honest about things like this when they know the truth can hurt people's feelings. So it is possible that friends etc didn't want to hurt your feelings in front of other people.
True. Thanks. I am doing a lot better today. Nervous and scared as ****, but that is beside the point. I am giving blood, but i am absolutely terrified of medical needles.
Hiya I'm sorry to hear that you didn't make it through the audition I sing a lot in shows etc and I can sympathise as their has been the odd occasion when I hit a bum note-its the worse thing in the world for a singer and really embarrassing :(
My advice would be don't give up if you love to sing practice practice practice.record yourself at home and watch it back to learn where you can improve.
My biggest piece of advice is some people make the mistake of singing songs that don't suit their vocal range so for example if you have a lower voice steer away from high belters and if you have a high voice than don't try to sing a mans song (unless he has a higher pitched sound or you change it to suit your tone.that is just simply what could be the problem and not neccessarily the fact that you are out of tune.Cancer by MCR is a very difficult song for me to sing as I can never quite drop my voice low enough as i'm comfortable with high notes so i think as much as we all love particular songs sometimes they just aren't suited to us.hope that helps :)
"And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back so shake him off."
Hey I'm sorry you didn't get picked for the show and that you're so upset. I know how that feels too, especially when you've put a tonne of practise and your heart and soul into it. It hurts but you know what, its only one show, **** them, you will hopefully get other chances and be appreciated too.
I know it doesn't really help right now, but showbiz is tough, usually with more rejections than acceptance. But if it's something you enjoy doing, then keep doing it anyway. You may not always suit a show or part (if you act) but that doesn't always mean you're bad, maybe the song didn't fit in with the rest of the show. Don't give up, keep working at it, there will be other shows I'm sure. I know you wanted this one though, and I'm sorry.
Personally, I think it was a lovely idea to sing that for your Grandma, and I'll bet she'd still be so proud of you anyway. Maybe you could think about recording it for youtube or soundcloud, and dedicating it to her? If you do, let me know, I'd love to hear it. I actually did my own version of that song but about suicide. Just changed some of the lyrics and recorded it, just with my phone.
Just believe in yourself and if people don't like it, that's their problem. I hope it's helped to, write it on here. Take care, and just do what makes you happy.
