Just need some support really. I’ve had a lot to deal with last few weeks. My grip seems to be going in my hands, and at the opticians the posh picture they take of your eye didn’t just show the optic nerve damage I already knew I had it showed a thickening if the optic nerve in my left eye so they ‘urgently’ and I quote contacted the hospital and said to come straight back in if I don’t have appointment within 4 weeks- that and some other symptoms may well indicate that the nerve damage is progressing, which is terrifying. If I lose my grip I won’t be able to self propel my wheelchair, if I lose sight I will lose more independence so that’s making me scared but I’ve just about been coping with it thanks to a support group I go to about another issue, but they’ve been v supportive over what I’ve told them about this.
I recently got scammed out of a large amount of money, luckily my bank managed to retrieve my money, but I found out today it’s happend Again. I know it sounds stupid but it’s really really upset me, not just in case they can’t get my money back but just feel like there’s nowhere to bloody turn without people wanting to screw you over, ever6body is untrustworthy. I am out of spoons. This was the last straw.
I’m in second strage liver failure due to alcoholism, and I haven’t drunk in nearly a month after a small slip up, and it was 4 months free before that, but I have half a bottle of vodka in a cupboard and I am so so bloody tempted to either drink that, sh, or both.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter
That's a lot to be dealing with at once. Wish I could say something to make it better...
Could you try breaking down each thing individually? Like, you have appointments for the health stuff so that is a good thing and means things can potentially be treated or slowed.
For the scamming thing, I totally understand that makes you untrusting of people but maybe you could run financial things past someone else first so you can confirm you're doing the right thing in future?
And you know that drinking the vodka or SHing won't make anything better at all. Could you reach out to anyone in your support group? You said they'd been helpful.
Just you replying makes me feel marginally better.
Breaking things down sounds like a good idea. As you said and someone in the group suggested health wise rather than catastrophise before the appointments I’ll try my best to put those worries aside until I have diagnosis of the cause and then once I know what I’m facing figure out how to deal with it.
This one was Uber Uber clever, even my mum said she would have fallen for this one, and she’s been scammed in the past too and is very sensible. She has suggested when we meet up on Tuesday we sort out changing my phone number though, so that’s one course of action I can take.
It being a weekend I can’t contact anyone at the centre to help me apply the coping skills I’m learning there and I need a bit of guidance, but group is on tomorrow so that’s part relief, although I never know how much to share as I don’t want to depress people or be ‘that one’
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter
I'm sorry you've got so much going on right now. I know it's hard not to get caught up in worries about what might happen, please keep talking here (and to other people of course) if it helps to get things off your chest and also try to do some nice things for yourself too. I hope you manage to talk through things at your group tomorrow, if the group is there to discuss things then make full use of that. It's ok to do that. Who might you be able to contact if you feel you need someone before group?
I too have been scammed a couple of times so I can relate to how you're feeling. It made me very cautious about everything and everyone and upset wondering how people could do such an awful thing and I also felt vulnerable and quite stupid. All you can do is be extra, extra careful.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Who might you be able to contact if you feel you need someone before group?
I too have been scammed a couple of times so I can relate to how you're feeling. It made me very cautious about everything and everyone and upset wondering how people could do such an awful thing and I also felt vulnerable and quite stupid. All you can do is be extra, extra careful.
Thanks Lins that means a lot.
I don’t feel safe contacting anyone tbh since the police punished me for not cutting badly enough to justify help and the whole probation palava I don’t dare ask anyone for help in case they get worried and get police to do a welfare check. I’m planning to finally get the tattoo I’ve been mulling over getting for some time now with do not on each finger of one hand and trust on the other I gnomish so others won’t know what it means but I will have a constant visual reminder not to trust anybody fully. Ever.
I’m sorry you got scammed too , you’ve put it exactly into words cautious upset and also feeling very stupid.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter
Hope group helps tomorrow. Keep talking here in the meatime if it's useful.
Catatrophising is so easy to do but keep reminding yourself to take it one step at a time.
Damn those scammers getting cleverer and cleverer. Changing your phone number definitely sounds like something proactive you can do to prevent it happening again.
Some people deserve trust though... and probably a lot more than you think. =/
I stopped believing that some time ago, but then some things happened that made me start to trust people again. But the last few months have confirmed that no one can be trusted completely. There are people I trust more than others, but nobody on this earth that I trust completely.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter
Well, I get that. I don't think there's anyone I 100% trust either. It just makes me sad to think you want it permanently tattooed on yourself that's all.
I don't think you let it happen. It's bad luck, that's all. I'm just wondering whether you think the tattoo is a good idea at the moment because of how you're feeling right now. Things might change and you could easily regret it one day.
I'm so sorry you're having such a rotten time :( I feel like you might not want to go into detail about your previous dealings with the police, but they do sound awful and I can understand you not feeling confident in contacting them.
I agree with np though. Remember that it was a really clever scam that you said that your mum would also have fallen for. And even if it were important for you to have a reminder, getting a tattoo focussed on something so negative doesn't sit right with me. I think you could achieve the same result with little post-its around your house with fraud-avoidance tips. But ultimately it is your body and you get to choose whether or not you get the tattoo.
I hope your group goes well tomorrow and that you do feel able share what is going on.
I might even ring in the morning and ask if I could see the group leader or someone else doing the same skills based thing before the group just to get it out properly.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter
Trusting people doesn't make you stupid, Katy. It is a very noble and kind thing to trust someone even when multiple people have screwed you over. It says a lot about you as a person and it says a lot about people who deliberately cheat others for quick profit. You are the one who is honourable. They are just sad and pathetic people.
I know it is a big thing to ask but do you think you could pour out the vodka in the sink??? I just don't see it being there as doing yourself a favour.
I, for one, am glad you're still here. I'd like it to remain like that.
I wish I could wave my wand and make things just a little better or easier for you.
I'm going to wave all my various wands in the hope that it might help. If not at least the thought of me prancing around trying to do magic might be an amusing thought for a while. Thinking of you. <3
Clearly violence and wand wav8ng is the answer :p I did go to my group but it was a bad pain day so I had to leave a little before the end as I couldn’t concentrate.
Got home feeling really weak and dizzy so have stuffed myself full of calories to see if that helps.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter
