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Old 30-11-2010, 07:57 PM   #1
Lucy2you
 
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Attempting to restore power

Hi new friends. I'm looking for a little bit of input on what's going on with me right now. Last week I checked myself into crisis counseling at my university because I could not stop thinking of injuring myself. My impulses were more persistent and more severe in the things I wanted to do to myself. I was afraid of what I might do to myself or that I might do it in public.

I got in and saw the counselor man. He asked if he could see my cuts, and I told him no. I don't cut parts of my body that people normally see. I try extremely hard not to cut my arms because they are easily visible, and I want to keep this shameful little secret to myself. When I showed him that I had no cuts on my arms and told him he couldn't see the cuts I did have (although they did exist and were numerous) he seemed to not take me as seriously. He started talking about stress and personality types and he didn't seem to think I was a serious risk to myself. He made me promise not to cut until I saw him the next day, and I didn't. That also seems to have made him less serious about talking about cutting. But it was one night, and I didn't sleep well and felt entirely too keyed up.

He keeps making appointments for me to see him, which suggests he still thinks I have things to work through. But we don't talk about cutting. We talk about personality types and academics and self esteem. I feel like self injury is the reason I went there and it is being slowly dismissed.


How can I get him to help me with this? To people who have been through counseling, is this normal, not talking about cutting and what else to do? Is it normal for him to want to see my injuries?

Sometimes the "crazy" self-harming part of my personality tries to come through. I'm usually pretty good at keeping it in check, but right now I feel like I'm out of control. I feel like crazy is winning and there's nothing I can do to come back to normal.

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Old 30-11-2010, 08:55 PM   #2
PassedExpectations
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it is normal for doctors and councelors and therapist to ask to see them, at least in my experience. i think its just so that they can gauge the amount of support you need. but you have every right to say that they can't see them, and that shouldn't make it any less serious.

you could ask him about what you said... where you feel like the reason you came is being dismissed. it may be that hes trying to move to something else, or it may be that hes trying to help you cope with the things that he thinks could be stressing you and making you feel bad




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Old 30-11-2010, 09:11 PM   #3
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Yeah, in my experience counsellors/therapists would ask to see my scars etc. I just took it as a case of, they want to see whether medical attention is required, and all that. But it's really within your rights not to show anyone you don't want to see - so it's good they respect that.

PastExpiration has a point, maybe he thinks there are other things to work on as well. It would be a good idea to ask him directly and tell him how you feel - I'd guess, self injury is often the result of other problems, not necessarily the problem itself... so maybe he is treating it as that, but whether that's the case only he can tell you.

Well done for getting help - that was the best thing to do and you can be proud of yourself for that.

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Old 01-12-2010, 06:28 PM   #4
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He referred me out to someone who will screen me for depression and anxiety. Now I have to make an appointment to talk to someone new. I'm afraid of phone calls, and the possibility of being diagnosed with anything officially scares me. I'm also afraid that new person will want to see my cuts. I'm not comfortable with that.

I really am looking forward to the time when I can talk about my last injuries being days, months, or years ago. Right now I'm going on hours. It's just so terrifying to think about giving up a crutch I've been leaning on for 8 years. Terrifying.

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