Everything's going from bad to worse.
I'm starting to purge more.
My boyfriend left for uni today & so did my best friend. My only sources of support (my bf really the only one),now I have no one. I can't ask for support from them,, they're busy at university anyway.
I leave in 2 weeks and honestly I'm SO SCARED. I know I'm not ready,, I'm panicking.. I have no idea what to do.. Yet part of me feels like i'm not quite "there" yet to be considered worthy of help..
Just a hug, advice, kind words??
Please..
Sorry again, I may delete this.
I'm just an idiot.
Last edited by [LittleMonster] : 18-09-2010 at 11:59 PM.
I am so sorry that you feel this way right now, but you are deserving of help.
While your best friend and boyfriend may not be there for you in person, I am certain that both of them will want to support you. Phone them, email them, use an instant messenger.
If you tell them how you feel, and that you need their support, they will understand.
Take care,
x
Zero's truth is not based on who is within.
It is the actions that measure the man.
Thank you for the reply, but really I don't want to hassle them, particularly during Fresher's week & to be honest there's not much they could probably say that would help..
I think if your not ready to accept professional help, when you are struggling call samaritans or b-eat. Walk into the local samaritans branch to chat to someone informally.
Im unsure that you will ever feel 'there' and therefore ready for help so waiting to feel something like that is not going to work. You've said you are purging more, but the fact you were purging to start with says you have a problem, and that you need help.
Try and focus on what you need rather than what you feel you deserve, because the latter is made confused by low self worth/the ED.
Thankyou for the reply
I have contacted both services in the past, sometimes useful, sometimes not.
My boyfriend read my rant anyway (which he wasn't meant to) & said he wants to support me still, but I feel selfish.
I had professional help in the past, was under ED services & psychiatrists but I left, something I regret yes but it didn't seem to help much.
I thought maybe if I really can't cope at university, I could email the counsellors & they'd help.
But everytime I try to get help I either cancel it or find some excuse not to go,, tell myself I don't need it.
You do need help sweetie.
And I think deep down,, you know that you do.
I've heard that uni counsellors can be very helpful and really think you should go to see them once you start uni.
You just have to keep in my mind why you're going to uni,, what you want to do afterwards and know that to achieve your goal,, you're going to need help and support.
Never forget what you want to do with your life.
And always accept help.
I wish I had more helpful advice...
xxx
Well content loves the silence, It thrives in the dark, With fine winding tendrils,That strangle the heart,
They say that promises sweeten the blow, But I don't need them, No, I don't need them...
I keep going round in a cycle of wanting help then not wanting help
When I have the help I don't want it, but without it I'm a 100x worse, so I can't win.
I'm just hoping that the new environment & new friends at university (if I make any) will allow me to go back into "recovery mode". But uh, just feel stupid, like I don't have a problem.
So much stress going on too at the moment..
I guess I will see a counsellor if I can't cope
Do you think that not only having your BF&BestFriend leave but the stress of going to university might be causing your relapse? Have you tried talking to them about how you feel, how your scared? & You are more than worthy of help sweetheart, I can relate so much with regard to the wanting help, getting it & not wanting it, but being worse off without it. Perhaps you could see a therapist for a while, or a CPN just for someone to talk to while your in the stage of crossroads, even just seeing your GP more might help?
What's going on tonight honey? Why are you feeling like you want to die?
Well the relapse begun way before that, there's a lot of stress at home, then the whole leaving for university, being alone & having no support, and yes everyone else going.
I just feel in a state. Trying to drink to cope. Purging to cope. It's like nothing is working
I'm alone all day tomorrow, stuck in the house, don't know what to do, how to cope..
Well they did re-refer me to ED Services but as I was leaving they said it's not worth getting the assessment as I'd be at uni by the time I got an appointment, so really it's up to me getting help when at uni. It's funny I used to have a psychologist, a psychiatrist & ED services, but now I have no one..
I want to die because I can't see a happy future, I never will be thin, I can't cope..
Darling, you & I both know drinking or purging will not make the situation or your feelings any better, only worse & that's not the way we want to go, is it? Can you try to stop the drinking? Even just take a 10 minute break & see how you feel, see if its easier to try & resist? *Sits with you*
Did you ED service suggest any local services where you are at Uni? Have you sort out a local GP there, yet? If you have (or when you have) seeing him/her is a good idea as they can easily refer you for an assessment, which you do desperately need.
You do have a future, you've fought for so long, don't give it up now. You already are thin & need to gain weight, you can't afford to get any thinner.
I know, I just feel so hopeless right now.
I stopped drinking for a while, not so intoxicated now..I can think clearer but still unsafe
Well my old ED psych called me up & spoke to me..told me my options, asked what was up, what had gone wrong (I refused to say) & she asked what I planned to do. I just said I was gonna think on it. She said I could go see a GP here & get referred up to uni. This iswhat I was gonna do, my bf called the dr and arranged it all but I got him to cancel it last minute, I couldn't face it
So the options are to see a GP up there, or a uni counsellor
We do register with a GP in the first few days
I just have this voice screaming at me, wanting me to just get worse..
I wish I were thin, I'm not.
Sorry about those comments. . on train now for 4 day break with a family member. She understands and knows all about it. her best friend had an ed, she kinda gives therapy at work and is depressed herself. Last time I went I managed to stop purging and even carried on recovering after. Hope it happens again x