I'm back. Went on holiday for two days, then spent the rest of the time at home lying in my bed crying. It doesn't help that my friend posted a pic of me on her LJ and some annonymous troll left a "fat" comment on it.
Aparently I'm too stressed at the moment and I've really got to do something about it because my hair's falling out and I'm making myself sick over it =/ Going back to therapy.
i'd only come here seeking peace i'd only come here seeking me it seems i came to leave
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
HA FAMOUS LAST WORDS FROM MY LAST POST, I LATER FELL OVER & ENDED UP FAINTING.
"I want to bleed. I can't believe it's 57 days until Christmas :| But that means 65 days until the year from helllllll is over :D Thank the ****ing lord it's almost over. I want blood, well to see it because I'm craving IT SO BAD! Worrying much?
I'm such A ****ING **** FRIEND WHO DOESNT TRY TO STOP A CERTAIN FRIEND FROM COMMITING SUIDICDE SO MUCH....IT'S LIKE I WANT HER DEAD. INFACT WHILE I'M GETTING ANGRY CAN I PLEASE ASK SOMEONE TO SHOVE SOME SENSE INTO MY ELDEST SISTER AND FOR HER TO START APOLGISING OR SOMETHING. I WANT TO SEE MY NEPHEW BUT I CAN'T. I EVEN REFUSE TO CALL THEIR FLAT TO SPEAK TO MY ONLY NEPHEW INCASE THAT FUGLY BITCH IS THERE. WHY ON EARTH DID SHE HAVE TO BE SUCH A ****ING LOSER. HOW CAN I HATE SOMEONE SO MUCH WHO'S MEANT TO BE THE ELDEST SISTER. I MISS MY NEPHEW BAD!! I MISS MY DADDY BUT LIKE BEING JUST ME & MY MUM BUT WANT MY DAD ASWELL SOMEHOW!! WHY WONT THAT BITCH STOP BEING NASTY TO ME, WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE TO BE INSULTED SO MUCH BY A 17 YEAR OLD UGLY BITCH? AND WHY WONT MY BODY BLEEEEEEEEEEED?
Why do I have to be so ****ing ugly, well feel that way so much? It's funny how I want to be a model, open up a self harm support centre, work with teens who are disabled etc, sign for deaf people and work in ICT.
WHAT THE **** AM I SELF DESCRUCTING FOR? FIRST SELF HARM! SECOND OVERDOSING/SUIDICE. THIRD WILL BE ALCOHOL. I'm awful. I don't deserve happiness. I don't deserve all the lovely support I have. If some of them knew what I get upto. Some do. I don't deserve the love I have. I don't desereve parents. I don't deserve family. I don't deserve ANYONE. I DESERVE TO DIE :D
I feel like I'm happy. Yet I know I'm not good and I'm falling apart at the seams. I don't think I'm gonna survive in this world. Sometimes I wonder how I get through the days. I want kids someday. I can't have them. I'll break their hearts and destroy them before they're my current age :\
What a complete mess of thoughts and feelings. None of being attention seeking thankfully. I'm just so angry. I know I should get more help than I have but I'm comfortable with what I have and have mega trust issues and stuff. I would love to be more happy I reallllllly would. I know to do that I have to deal with things better and stuff I do try. There's things I do now that I didn't do before. So that's got to be something I suposse.
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
