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Old 31-07-2016, 06:15 PM   #1
Hopefulbutterfly24
 
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Recovery vs. Relapse

Being used and controlled and emotionally abused by people you thought cared for you and loved you makes you feel a sense of worthlessness why wasnt i enough for you why did you fudging hurt me what did i do to deseve this i trusted you and now im left with the shattered pieces of my heart i decided to pick a razor to feel a release something i can control no one can take it from me. You just used me but why why. The urges are strong as it all fits it all makes sense as i take it upon myself no one really cares they just take advantage of me....

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Old 31-07-2016, 09:13 PM   #2
Hopefulbutterfly24
 
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I relapsed

2 years gone down the drown i couldnt fight the urges it became to much i brokedown and gave in i feel so ashamed of myself...i couldnt do it...im sorry. I just feel guilty...

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Old 01-08-2016, 01:49 PM   #3
castaway
 
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First of all, I'm sorry to hear you're having such a rough time. I don't know your situation exactly, but from your last post, it sounds like you're dealing with a lot of hurt at the moment. Relapsing on top of everything else can make things seem even worse, another thing to deal with on top of it all. From my experience, when I've relapsed after a long time clean, especially in a difficult time, it can be easy to feel like everything has been lost. But in reality, you're never really back to square one. You have had 2 years clean, and all of those coping skills and all the things you've learnt in those 2 years don't just disappear. You may find that once you've had a bit of time to process things you'll get back on track to recovery quicker than you think. I'd suggest trying not to be too hard on yourself (easier said than done, I know), and trying to pool any support you may have from friends, family, counselors (posting on here is already a great start!) If you feel like talking about stuff, feel free to message me. Hope you're feeling better soon.

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Old 02-08-2016, 07:19 AM   #4
Hopefulbutterfly24
 
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Thanks for your message. Ive been trying my best to manaage but the shame i feel and the anger i have towards myself has been building like im trying to cope im doing the best i can. I spoke to my therapist and case manager i see my therapist on wednesday. Im trying to just hang in there til then. Im just overwhelmed. Im trying so hard to rememeber that its all not lost that i can get up and fight this battle that ive fought before. That im safe and protected that i do have support now that i didnt have before but i feel that even though im saying it its all being drowned out i cant focus on that long enough to calm down. But im trying i promise im trying...even though im hurting i know this isnt something i want for my life. I know i want to beat this im trying to remember why it is i started and why i cant just stop over a slip. Im trying to remember of hope above all things...im trying...

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Old 07-08-2016, 03:29 PM   #5
Pi.R^2
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I can really relate to the feeling of being used by people and I'm sorry you've had to go through that. Do you want to talk more about the emotional abuse you've suffered? People taking advantage of you doesn't make you worthless- it's just a reflection on their poor character.

I can understand wanting to self harm as a form of taking control, but sadly I imagine you've also found that self harm and urges to self harm often becomes something that isn't in your control anymore. Have you sought any professional help with your self harm? Perhaps with some counselling or therapy you'd be able to find other coping mechanisms to deal with your feelings and the things you have experienced.



We may not see eye to eye, but we can respect each other's opinions and find the truth in them.
Perhaps in those honest conversations, instead of demonising each other,
we might see each other as imperfect humans, doing our best. ~ Jodi Picoult


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Old 09-08-2016, 03:18 PM   #6
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Idk if i could talk about its alot mainly being triggered by it from my past. With my mom emotionally abuse and then the same with a friend and my first boyfriend and i didnt see it until i got away from it but it tore me apart. Yes i have my therapist that is helping me through these issues. I do know that i cant control it its difficult cause i want to overcome this but idk i feel i cant or i start to question my recovery. I do have my coping skills but at the time i gave in i didnt go back its just everything that i was feeling took over and i didnt fight the urges i just ended up giving in...but i do have help im learning to go to them and my support system. In trying

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Old 13-08-2016, 04:50 PM   #7
Pi.R^2
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It's normal to have a few stumbles along the way on the road to recovery and jut because you slipped up this time, it doesn't take away from the fact that you resisted the urge so many times in those 2 years free. Was there a particular incident that led to you self harming this time?

It's great that you've got a therapist and that you've been trying hard with your coping skills. What skills do you find most helpful?



We may not see eye to eye, but we can respect each other's opinions and find the truth in them.
Perhaps in those honest conversations, instead of demonising each other,
we might see each other as imperfect humans, doing our best. ~ Jodi Picoult


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Old 20-08-2016, 01:45 PM   #8
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It's only a bump in the road. Be proud for your progress.





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Old 14-09-2016, 12:14 AM   #9
kittykola23
 
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I'm so sorry you're going through this...seems similar to my situation, but know that there are a lot of people who care for you and are looking out for you...don't be so hard on yourself lovely....things happen for a reason and of makes you stronger. Never put yourself down because of someone else's actions...
Stay strong and believe in yourself <3

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