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Old 11-03-2016, 01:45 PM   #1
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Location: Budleigh Salterton, UK
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85 year old grandma is being taken advantage of, how do I stop it??

Hi All

Currently I am feeling quite sick to the stomach as I am quite sure my 85 year old grandma is being taken advantage of by her other grandson who only cares about himself and disrespects others. What has happened is that our mum is going through a rocky divorce and she does not really know about whether to finalise it on not, even though she has left her husband many times threatening to leave him from when I was 9 years old! and I am now 31 years old.

Grandmaís other grandson has been living with her for 1 year and 3 months now and of course so has mum as I managed to get a council flat. For about 2 months now his girlfriend has been living with him in grandmaís house who he has known for only 5 months! Grandma (Who does have some sort of Alzheimerís as she forgets what we had talked about previously after 10 minutes or so have passed and forgets where she is sometimes etc.) has been allowing this to happen.

What really annoys me is not only the fact that I had been living with my grandparents for 16 years and was not allowed to bring a girlfriend back home with me or have sex with her in my bedroom like Grandmaís other grandson is doing and was not allowed to do in his parentís house! But his girlfriend is sponging off of grandma when it comes to eating her food, using her water, electric and gas and grandma buying her toiletries to use every day! Especially when she has a perfectly good council flat of her own, so why canít he live in his girlfriendís flat and help to pay for his upkeep instead!?

I have tried to confront grandma as we both talked about this yesterday and she says that her other grandsonís girlfriend gives her £200 per month but I could tell that she was blatantly lying to me as her grandson does not pay her any money towards his upkeep! Even though like his girlfriend has a job and gets paid minimum wage which is a liveable wage. Since I was at a legal wage to work I gave my grandparents money for my upkeep.

What can I do to protect grandma? as she is the vulnerable party! and even she says that her money is going down pretty quickly!!

Looking forward to your replies.

All the best,


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Old 12-03-2016, 04:01 PM   #2
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Join Date: Apr 2006
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Is there something like adult protective services where you are? I would give them a call to see if they can at least speak with your grandma.

Unfortunately if there is no criminal wrongdoing, there may be nothing to be done. Alternately, they may come to the conclusion that she cannot manage her own money and someone may be appointed to manage it for her. Of course neither of those things may happen or something else may happen.

Something to be mindful of is that your relation's girlfriend may actually be paying money for his upkeep. Just because he doesn't doesn't mean the same about her. And she may be paying because she doesn't want him living with her or because she feels bad for your grandmother.

Alternately, you've got a flat of your own and you are concerned about your grandmother's funds... Why doesn't your mother live with you? You have a flat of your own. And it would take pressure off of your grandmother.

Men come and go, but dust accumulates.

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