Contains abuse - I don’t know how to keep going.

[Harbour]

I’m sorry to post for support when I rarely post anymore.

I wish I was dead. I’ve done terrible things when I was younger, lied very manipulatively. I can’t escape what a horrible person I was and
Am. I can never be forgiven. I don’t know how to carry on. I wish that I could just go to sleep and not wake up. I don’t know how to move on from the horrible things I did. I told some really bad lies and when the person found out the truth it really really hurt them.

I’m so tired. I’m doing trauma therapy at the moment which I’m lucky to have but they can’t change the person I am. I don’t know what I’m asking for. I’m really sorry.

[Unbreakable.]

You're not a bad person.
And while therapy doesn't change who you are it can help you re frame some of your experiences, see them in context and move on from them more healthily.
So it can definitely still help.

Does your therapist know you feel this way?

[EyelinerAndCigarettes]

Want to echo what Lana said.

I can hear how much you're hurting and I'm sorry, I wish I could take it all away for you; you deserve happiness and whatever was said or did doesn't make you a bad person.

[Harbour]

Thank you for replying.

My head is just buzzing. I’m a terrible person and I don’t know to escape it without dying.
But on the outside I need to keep working and doing what I’m doing. I see (Via zoom) my therapist on Tuesday.