It's been a while

[Pretty_Vacant94]

So... Where to begin.

The last couple of weeks I've been feeling really down in the dumps and depressed for no reason. I have a wonderful girlfriend and three amazing cats. What more could someone want?

Apparently, my brain wants more than that to be happy. It won't let me have a good day. It won't let me smile for no reason. It's kept me distant for weeks and my girlfriend is starting to notice.

To top it all off, today I was sacked from my job for a ridiculous reason. I mean, I hated it, but it's the only thing keeping me from going Way over my overdraft. But that was the final straw. Tonight I went out with my girlfriends friends and needless to say, I have ended up really, really drunk. This has led to me self harming.
In the mast few years, ny self harming has been the odd scratch on my legs, or a burn or something. But tomight I went straight for my wrists and I couldn't stop myself. I think the sacking has tipped me over the edge. I know in my head, Im suicidal. I'm struggling to make It through the night. The worst of all is that... I don't havw any friends. No one cares enough to help me. So I don't burden them. But even if I couldn't I wouldn't know what to say.
I hate my life, I hate me and I hate the way I behave. I don't know how much longer I can keep up the happy charade.

Ad each day goes by, hurting myself becomes more and more appealing. I wish it wasn't that way. I'm a time bomb waiting to explode.

[Zurg]

I think, and this is just my personal experience, that even when it feels like there is is no one around who would want to help, people can still surprise us. If you have friends, chances are they are not just around for shits and giggles but they actually value you as a person. if opening up to them is too hard or too scary then i suggest the old fashioned way; your gp, your girlfriend or even the family member you feel closest to. Because there is help available. Even if it feels almost impossible to reach out right now then i really do hope you can find the strength and courage to do so.

Being sacked is not a nice experience. But it doesn't define you. It doesn't make you a failure. Sometimes bad things happen even when we try our hardest to succeed. It doesn't mean you should punish yourself. It just means there still are things to learn. And obstacles to overcome. And you can get through this. But you have to bite the bullet and stop trying to do everything on your own. We all need a little help every now and then and there is no shame in that. Do yourself a favour and ask for some help. It isn't embarressing. It doesn't make you weak. But it might make a world of difference to feel a little less alone right now.

Be safe. And keep talking here as well.