Some Poems
Hi guys,
Poetry was a major coping mechanism last year. I wrote over 100 poems during lockdown. I thought I'd share some of my mental health ones. Maybe others can relate?
Just putting a TW before you go on xx
I am setting myself free
You don’t know your own strength
I’m not talking about brawn
It’s the scars I have worn since you’ve been gone
The insidious words you planted
like seeds, burrow and fester
Keeping your memory alive
With every breath I’ve survived
You don’t get the key to my mind
Leave your (so called) love behind
I have no place left for it anymore
The fear and the sickness
I’ve been a fool to hang on to
I always believed you
You haven’t let me live yet
I will never forget
The danger lied in your sentences
The threats that left me defenceless
Adjectives became afflictions
Friction in fiction
Almost like an addiction
To the misery you caused me
I know now it was empty
Suspended in time
I’m setting myself free
The Guide to Wellness
I am but a series of fragmented sentences
Trying to make sense of the hissing
And whispers
Telling me
I’ve always been too much
And not enough
Never the right ratio of either
An overwhelming explosion of both
Colliding on a path dead set
For destruction
I can’t help but wonder
How wonderful it must feel to fit right
In the world
Not to be broken or damaged
Full of cracks, constantly
Gluing yourself back together
Endlessly filing down edges
So they don’t cut too deeply
They always say
Hurt people hurt people
Oh god, it’s agony
To be wielding the weapon
Of your splintered psyche
I have always puzzled
The formula for healthy
The guide to wellness
The recipe for recovery
Will it ever belong to me?
Or will I forever be
Doomed to watch life from the periphery
'Recovery' is just a disorder with a different name
Goosebumps ripple, prickled skin
Blue lips and hollow grin
Chain smoking, pacing lines
The way we have a thousand times
Popping pills to dull the ache
Running ’til my muscles shake
Ruled by numbers, ever falling
Finding a safer skin to crawl in
Worried whispers, frustrations greet
“I don’t know why you can’t just eat”
We choke down mouthfuls and call it healing
A larger cage with deeper feeling
Swelling body, inherent shame
Still she lingers, calling your name
Wrappers litter to drown her out
In toilet stalls, she’ll scream and shout
Angry whispers, insults spat
Be careful now, you’re getting fat
Binge in secret, heart’s laboured beating
“I don’t know why you don’t stop eating”
Splintered
A splintered brain
Mentally reframed
The threat spits
And we split again
Shattered
On the outside composed
No one knows
Just how deep the scar goes
The injury is ageless
Angry scribbles of the marred
Fills up countless pages
Yet the itch isn’t scratched
The punishment won’t fit
The hole is far too gaping
For the hand of dirt you threw in it
At night, the same old fight
Ignites
Guttural cries of fear and spite
Nail biting anguish
Stuck, suspended in motion
I am in the palm of your hands
You are but a mere man
How do you inspire such devotion?
Dear You
Dear You
I couldn’t remember your name even if I wanted to
You see, my mind is scarred and twisted
because someone like you insisted
on taking everything you felt you were entitled to
with all your power, you
smashed me into oblivion
I can’t tell you how much time has been wasted
because instead of living and thriving
I’ve just been breathing, surviving this plague
you bestowed on me
Do you even remember me?
Was I just a drop in the sea?
I wonder how many lives you collected under your belt
Have you even felt
an ounce of remorse
It all screams of injustice and it just doesn’t make sense
that you did the crime
but I live the sentence
I will never wish cruelty on another living soul
The world is full of evils and your pain
will not make me whole
I have found beauty in the darkness you plunged me into
In spite of you, I have sought kindness
I trust (maybe too freely) and I love
You can not take that away from me
and that love will free me
Eventually
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