Taavi, i Think you already know this but as long as you drink to numb yourself, the longer you just keep trying to outrun what is actually the real problem. Until you stop and face the problem and work on solving it without trying to escape, the more time just passes while you feel yourself become more and more addicted to a substance that may Seem friendly but might eventually cost you your life.
I spent some 20 years addicted to alcohol and i did not stop drinking until my doc sat me down and told me i was killing myself. He Said that i either had to stop or my life would stop. It wasn't until that point that i dared to ask myself whether alcohol and numbing myself was so important to me that i wouldn't mind to die because of it. I quickly decided that it wasn't that important.
I know it feels great to not care, and let's be honest, nobody gives a **** about anything when you're completely wasted. The problem is that real life and all its problems tend to return when the effect wears off and then you feel even worse.
The solution is not to decrease your intake, it does not work for anyone bar a very, very few. The solution is to quit now and start working on yourself and trying to find out what alcohol helps you escape and how you can do that in a better Way and start feeling better being yourself. If you feel like you need something else, there are some psych meds that can take the egde of anxiety and the likes, as there are anti depressants that sometimes is a great help to some people.
You don't have to suffer just because you nip this addiction in the bud. There is help. Ask your gp/doc about where to go and whom to ask. They Will know.
Also, i am quite certain that a lot of people feel socially awkward after this corona business and long term with no regular contact with friends. Please don't Think you're just a lost cause because that is simply not true. You can get some help with the things that worry you, they are not that uncommon and they certainly don't make you weird. Please talk to someone and ask for help.
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