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Old 20-10-2019, 01:02 PM   #1381
Pi.R^2
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Getting more leave sounds good, especially as it's all accompanied, since it doesn't sound like you'd be safe by yourself for now.

How are you doing today?



We’ll find a way to fight it, we always have.
It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


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Old 23-10-2019, 12:09 AM   #1382
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I'm doing okay thanks. Have been enjoying my leave but had a very deep psychology session today. I told her about my plans etc and why. It was hard. Got my ward review tomorrow and I'm anxious.

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Old 23-10-2019, 04:54 PM   #1383
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Psychology sessions like that can be really hard but ultimately very useful. Well done with being honest. How did your ward review go?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 24-10-2019, 07:35 PM   #1384
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Yeah it was hard but luckily it's with a psychologist I have a good relationship with and have trust in. So that helps.

It went well thanks. They've given me 8 hours accompanied but have realised I'm not ready for unaccompanied leave and they said they won't be rushing me out the door either.

Unfortunately this afternoon has been hard with incidents going on and alarms going off

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Old 25-10-2019, 02:03 PM   #1385
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It sounds like they are listening to you, that's great. It's not so good when the ward is disruptive. How are things today?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 25-10-2019, 02:10 PM   #1386
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Yes it is good they are listening to me and that the doctors and psychologist seem to be understanding and caring. That helps. The ward being disruptive has been hard. Today is boring and it doesn't look like I'm going out til tomorrow. Don't know what to do with myself.

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Old 25-10-2019, 02:58 PM   #1387
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I know it often feels worse when you know you're getting time out just not right at this minute, time seems to pass more slowly and be extra boring and frustrating. Are there no groups today? Can you prepare for tomorrow?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 25-10-2019, 06:08 PM   #1388
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Luckily a member of staff took me to the corner shop but was only half an hour. I did the ward based activity. I don't know whether I'm seeing the assistant psychologist today or not

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Old 25-10-2019, 07:26 PM   #1389
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I'm glad you've been managing to do some things to pass the time. Do you know what you'll be doing tomorrow?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 25-10-2019, 07:29 PM   #1390
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Thanks. It kicked off earlier which was hard to deal with. I'm seeing the assistant psychologist and maybe doing a group. Then going on leave to see my Nan and go to my flat for a bit with my Dad.

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Old 25-10-2019, 11:08 PM   #1391
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Tomorrow sounds busy; hopefully being occupied with different activities will help with your mood. Perhaps you could get some entertainment when you're out (books, puzzles, games etc) to keep you busy when you're on the ward with not a lot to do?



We’ll find a way to fight it, we always have.
It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


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Old 27-10-2019, 05:51 PM   #1392
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Yeah I had a good day yesterday but today not so good as I'm stuck inside. There's no one who can take me out today amd I don't think they can tomorrow. I have puzzles and things but can't seem to concentrate.

Dreading tomorrow as I have a psychology session at 11.30am and I know it's gonna get deep and I have a feeling she has or will break confidentiality on me

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Old 27-10-2019, 06:42 PM   #1393
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The psychology session might be difficult but I'm sure it will be very worth it in the long run. Would it help to prepare something for the session or is it better for you to try and distract with other things this evening?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 28-10-2019, 09:43 AM   #1394
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I don't know I've only got a few hours til I have it I think I'm just gonna sleep until the time comes

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Old 28-10-2019, 01:15 PM   #1395
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I hope everything is going ok.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 28-10-2019, 02:35 PM   #1396
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Thanks the psychology session was really hard and I told her I have plans to end things if I get unescorted leave on Wednesday. She said she would have to tell staff. Argh I wish I never said anything now

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Old 28-10-2019, 07:16 PM   #1397
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I'm glad you were honest, I think it's important and I'm sure that one day in the future you will know it was the right decision. Do you think properly working through things in psychology could be useful?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 28-10-2019, 07:39 PM   #1398
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Thank you. If I wasn't feeling so hopeless about life I would see how useful psychology could be. She seems to think I need long term CBT as well. I just can't fight anymore. I'm scared she'll come to my ward round and stop me from getting unescorted leave

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Old 28-10-2019, 08:05 PM   #1399
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So without the feelings of hopelessness you'd feel that psychology could be useful? That's something to acknowledge. Feelings can be really powerful but there is potential for the difficult feelings to lessen and allow you to have the benefits of psychology etc. It feels like you can't fight but I'm sure you've felt that way for a long time and yet you are managing to continue. I know it is so painful though. No one is going to willingly allow you to take your own life so if the psychologist thinks something needs to be done differently about your leave then of course she will have said something to the staff.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 28-10-2019, 10:58 PM   #1400
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Yeah I think so. My psychologist is brilliant and I dread the day that I say goodbye to her! But I'm upset that she's had to tell staff. It's my own fault. I should have said nothing.

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