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Old 08-08-2017, 08:52 AM   #1
SilentPain.
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Where did my post go?

I just posted a new thread & it's not there. Irk where it went. I thought I'd try to post again & see if anything shows up....

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Old 08-08-2017, 08:56 AM   #2
SilentPain.
 
Join Date: Dec 2016

I'm so confused. This post showed up but the other post I posted didn't seem to go through. Irk what happened.

I haven't cut in several years until last night. Irk why it happened, anxiety I think, stress, life. I just need some support & understanding. I'm afraid. I still do lesser forms of self injury but I don't want to start cutting again. It scares me tho that part of me liked it. What have I done? I feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes. Does anyone understand? I feel so lost.

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Old 08-08-2017, 12:09 PM   #3
Juella
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Not cutting for several years is an amazing achievement, and I hope you understand that one slip up doesn't eraze it. Can you think of anything that might help you relax and ease up the pressure other then cutting, some other outlet that makes you feel better when you're stressed. I understand what you're going through, when I first posted here I relapsed for the first time in 7 years, and I know it might be confusing and overwhelming. But don't be afraid, it's going to be okay. You can beat self-harm. Do you have any form of professional support? I know that self-harm gives you that weird thrill, a kind of a relief, which might sound really weird for people who don't cut. But there are other ways to get that good feeling without compromising your safety and life. You slipped up, but it's not the end. You just need to talk to someone about it, preferably someone professional. I've been these and I promise you can be helped! Take care!

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Old 15-08-2017, 11:00 AM   #4
SilentPain.
 
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Thank you for your response. It's hard knowing I've slipped up. I slipped up again the day after I cut again for the first time in a few years but haven't since. I've been thinking about it a lot for months now, mostly when I leave work & am headed home. I know when my blood sugar is low that I'm more apt to self injure, especially cutting. I appreciate you reminding me that a slip up doesn't erase all the hard work & time I've spent not cutting. Even tho I do other forms of self injure, I consider them less destructive than cutting, so cutting again is scary for me. Journaling has always helped me relax & get things out, so I'm trying to journal again. I have so much anxiety right now. I'm going through a realization about myself & it's a very scary time for me. It's scary cuz cutting works, if it didn't, we wouldn't do it. And for me it's almost immediate. I feel so lost right now. I've been to therapists before but haven't seen one for a few years. I think with everything going on, it's probably a good time for me to go again. It's just always scary going to someone new. I had one therapist literally jump out of his chair when I mentioned that I cut (the first therapist I went to bty) & ran over to his desk, said he couldn't help me. Then a therapist I saw for two years & was really close to committed suicide. I did go see a therapist after that for grief therapy. I do need someone to talk to that's a professional but also the support of others who understand, like here.

You not cutting for 7 years is amazing & a great achievement. I think I went around 3-4 years. I truly appreciate your words & response to my post, it really helped. Thank you! Take care as well.

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Old 21-08-2017, 01:38 PM   #5
Juella
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You're very welcome. I understand that dealing with a slip up after all this time is really difficult, but it doesn't have to mess things up. The fact that you haven't cut since is a good sign, it means it might be an isolated incident and in the end things are going to be okay. There are certain patterns you seems to recognize and it's a good thing. Actually, you sound a lot like me. I used to get entangled in thoughts about self-harm and suicide when on my way to school and back, and I still get my worst urges when I'm hungry/have low blood sugar. That is why I always have my MP3 player with me and an emergency chocolate in my bag, and I really suggest you trying to do the same if you don't already. I know munching on a chocolate bar every time you get triggered isn't the healthiest thing to do, but it's still so much better than self harm! Just don't be like me and brush your teeth if you do it in the middle of the night, unless you're particularly fond of dentists... And please, remember that there is no such thing as "safe" or "non-destructive" forms of self-harm. Cutting is the most commonly spoken about, but it doesn't mean it's the only kind of self-harm that matters, everything matters and it's best to avoid any kind of it. It's best to get your sweet snacks and journal and do anything else that makes you relax.
Would you mind telling us about the realization that you have about yourself and why it is scaring you? I can totally relate to the way self-harm seems to "help"...except it doesn't. It brings quick temporary relief, but ultimately it doesn't resolve anything internally or externally and just gives you more things to stress about. The only perceived benefit is that it's quick. Doing other things that make you feel better usually require a bit more time and/or effort - but it's worth it. Really!

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