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Old 07-03-2016, 07:55 AM   #1
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something I have always wondered

I have been self harming since I was 16 and I am now 24. For the past 3 years my self harm has been alot less frequently but it has been a few times this each year I have an episode. It's been almost 4 months since my last episode. I am really struggling to not cut tonight. Things have been really bad lately. I lost my job so I don't have insurance to go to therapy and I'm having a terrible time finding a job. I started smoking more I'm back up to a pack a day since I have lost my job. I have been planning all day how to cut so no one will see it. I need to do it and it's so hard to refrain right now. As anyone has gotten older do the urges ever subside or will this always be a part of my life?

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Old 08-03-2016, 10:16 PM   #2
Petite Souris
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I find that the urges are always there. I was recently free for 3 years and two months but relapsed last december. So I kind of know how you feel. I've twice managed to quit for years.

Sometimes it went away for a long time. I wouldn't think about it for months at a time, but the thoughts would always return at some point.

I know it's not what you wanted to hear, but I think this is something that will always be there in the background for most of us. You just have to learn how to be able to live with it and get through the thoughts and urges without relapsing.

Have you tried looking at distractions and other ways to get you through the times you want to self harm? I sometimes find it really helpful. If you look up a self harm distraction list you'll find a bunch of stuff that may be helpful.

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Old 10-03-2016, 11:24 AM   #3
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I'm sorry to hear that you've been having a hard time lately. It's pretty difficult losing a job and not having access to the health care that you need. I hope that things get sorted for you soon. I thought I'd tell you a bit about my experiences, as I'm at a similar age. I too started around 15/16, and since I turned 20 my self harming has been very very infrequent, I consider myself recovered, or at least 99% of the way there. I always struggle so much if I get an urge, it's not something I've ever been good at resisting for any length of time. For me stopping cutting was less about 'quitting' and more about not needing to so much. It used to be that anything that upset me would immediately trigger me. I wouldn't feel like crying, or talking to a friend, cutting was the first thing I turned to. After a lot of counselling and trial and error, I learned new ways of coping. Nowadays, I seldom get the urge to shelf harm, I'll cry, I'll talk to friends, I'll exercise, it's in my nature to turn to these things first and not even want to cut myself.
However, I still have the issue that when I'm suddenly very upset about something I might get an urge, and it could be relatively strong. I think that in time, and with continued effort and learning I will develop even better coping skills so that even in these circumstances SH doesn't come to mind. I think a lot of people wonder if the urges will be there life-long, and I've heard quite a lot of negative stuff about this. But you have to keep in mind that those who are completely and utterly free of all urges and behavior probably hardly comment on it. I used to think it'd always be with me, always a struggle, but as it's becoming less and less a part of my life, and fading out into the past, I honestly believe that being free of it is really inevitable if you keep working at it, no matter how difficult it seems at the time. Anyway, that's just my two cents, I guess it's different for everyone.

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