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Old 28-02-2010, 08:48 AM   #101
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she told me she would ring my mum cause i wanted to go home but she took me to a dark room and wouldnt let me out...no one knew i was there and it was in the bush with no one around for ages....she hurt me so much i left my body and thought i was going to die ....im feeling scared so scared

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Old 28-02-2010, 08:54 AM   #102
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*snuggles tight* Remember that you're grown now and she's not around. She can't get you anymore honey, never again. You're safe and it's going to be ok. Try to do some gronding and remember where you are. I need to go to bed now but look up some grounding techniques ok love? *hugs* lots*



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Old 28-02-2010, 08:55 AM   #103
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thanks for the hugs ''hugs back''....what are grounding techniques?

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Old 28-02-2010, 06:24 PM   #104
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Grounding techniques are things that can help you get out of flashbacks/scary memories and remember you're in a safer place. Like moving around the room, splashing water on your face, looking at the date and your surroundings. There's a thread somewhere around here on them... I'll see if I can find it later.



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Old 02-03-2010, 01:38 AM   #105
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God, I ****ing hate her. I never used to be a hateful person.
2 years, and I never even realized what was happenning wasn't normal. After all, every relationship has suicide threats if you put down the phone, right? Everyone is told that he is the reason for his girlfriend's panic attacks and hallucinations. That was normal. I was so ****ing stupid. She convinced me cutting was ok. I don't know if I'll ever not be worried about a girlfriend constantly again, you know? I'm with someone else now, and I have to constantly ask if she's mad at me, just because I think she should be, because the other one was. She ****ed me up forever.

I'm sorry to everyone on here who's stories are so much worse than mine. I know I really got off easy, but it's hard to come to terms with, still.

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Old 02-03-2010, 02:31 AM   #106
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*hug Spyke*
Me not think you stupid. You have every right to be angry.



| Sarah|
i Miss you.o7.11.o8
"It has been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain.
In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens, but it is never gone."


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Old 03-03-2010, 10:58 AM   #107
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*hugs spyke* this thread is for every one abused, so feel free to talk. :) I'm sorry you had to go through this, I hope your new partner will be understanding and you'll be happier again.



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Not afraid of falling down below
To the night, recklessly we fly
Like living dead, we'll never die


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Old 11-03-2010, 12:55 PM   #108
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Two words: Mother's Day

Anyone else not looking forward to it? Luckily this year my mom's not with me on Mother's Day, but she will be the day after. A day all about her? When I have to tell her how much I love her? After everything she's done/doing? Yes I love her: she's my mom, but that doesn't make it easy to tell her, or buy her a soppy card. Can't say I'm looking forward to all the memories of past mother's days either.

Maybe I'm just being pathetic: it's just a day after all.

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Old 11-03-2010, 01:27 PM   #109
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I hate mothers day too... I've been disowned by my mum now so don't have to see her or send a card or anything. But the day itself always serves to remind me of how parents are "meant" to be...

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Old 11-03-2010, 05:37 PM   #110
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*hugs blue and Hazel* It's not pathetic to hate Mother's Day. It's not just a day really, it's something hung over your head and like you mentioned--bad memories. Not every mom deserves a sappy card or to be praised so mch for what she's done. Maybe when you're away on MD you can find something distracting and fun to do? *leaves more hugs for everyone*



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Old 11-03-2010, 11:50 PM   #111
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Sure Ollie honey you can talk about your first mummy if you want. And don't worry, I know which one you meant. :) *hugs*



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Old 12-03-2010, 01:44 AM   #112
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every time i come on this board i look at this thread and then i never post anything.

i cant say anything bad about my mum.

i dont hate her.

shes my mum and i love her and im trying to forgive her for the **** things shes done - she was ill.

i know i dont have to say anything horrible about her, you can still love people who have hurt you. and she has hurt me alot over the years. she really has. i hated her for it. but im really really trying at the moment.

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Old 12-03-2010, 03:44 AM   #113
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Sweetheart, there is a different between saying something horrible about someone, and simply telling the truth about something that was done to you. In fact, talking about it and getting it out might help you process and deal with it, so you feel you can properly forgive and move on with your life honey. *hugs gently*



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Old 13-03-2010, 12:11 AM   #114
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Headrush View Post
i cant say anything bad about my mum.

i dont hate her.
I completely understand what you mean, and I hate saying things about my mom for that reason. It's feels disloyal. My mom's done some pretty horrible things to me in the past too and still does now sometimes, but I love my mom with all my heart. She's my mom, and always will be, even if she's not perfect.

Telling the truth about what she's done to you is really hard and upsetting, but it doesn't mean that you hate her. It's ok to say what's happened, because all you're doing is telling the truth, and it wont mean you love her any less, but it might make you feel a bit better within yourself.

Try and share whenever you can. No pressure.

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Old 13-03-2010, 01:46 AM   #115
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Mother's day isn't coming up til in May..I hates my grandmother and she is making it worse! She always getting on my nerves all the time..

I did even remember that in the past the things she did to me..I was really little and she didn't take me in the bath or shower, she has a cloth with the water all over me when I was on the toilet (lids closed). she went all over my body and I hates it..does that abuse or anything? when she talks like that but was it a verbal abuse?

My grandfather spanked my butt when I got a older like 18 or 19 years old because I hates that he was "checking on me" and I got mad at him then he goes in and spanked my butt and got really upset..it's making me self-harm (which I never do in the past) but now, I do so it was an ex-cutter anyway, it was on and off sometimes but not all the times and often..I feel like that they letting me down before I letting them down because of my abuser cousin:S.





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Old 13-03-2010, 03:24 AM   #116
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Blue and some of the others are in the UK DeeDee, and their Mother's Day is this Sunday. Canada and the US's is in May.

About your grandma...I'm having a bit of trouble understanding your English but I'm guessing you said your grandma washed you all over while sitting on the closed toilet? That might be abuse, also because it's pretty odd as to why she wouldn't just put you in the bath to clean you. Did this happen more than once? And did she touch you while doing it? And saying lots of mean and cruel things to someone is verbal abuse.

As for your grandfather, spanking someone that's 18-19 is def abuse, whether considered physical or sexual. *hugs*



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Old 13-03-2010, 05:25 PM   #117
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yeah, I know troubleshooters, that's where I lives in Canada and Mother's day isn't until May.

Well, no, just once and she never touched but her face cloth on my body for washing and no, she never force me to get in the bath..it was awful! Yes, she is a verbal abuse and that saying a cruel things to everyone in my whole family because of it..

My grandfather is deffinately abuse me, I don't know what I'm going to do with that crap. it would be a physical abuse so yeah..I got scared of what they will brings and even worse for my sexual abuse cousin. I told my mom about my grandmother about her abuse and she thinks it is not abuse and I was like "What"? but I told her in a serious tone and she didn't think that was it..She doesn't believe me that I says do or don't..I know everything about them and that's why they keep letting me down because of my cousin and everything else makes it worse.





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Old 13-03-2010, 06:54 PM   #118
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*hugs* I'm sorry you went through that. Also, it's hard to get family to understand things sometimes.



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Old 13-03-2010, 08:11 PM   #119
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Well, I have been talked into sharing my story on this forum.
I don't even know if it's relevant to me, I can't see what happened as abuse. She's my mother after all; not some monster.
The earliest childhood memory I have is sitting on the living room carpet with my sister. I forget what we were doing, but we were just messing around, being normal sisters. Again, I don't remember why, but for some reason, I bit my sister (who is the same age as me), I don't know if it hurt her, but my mum saw and bit me back. So hard, she drew blood. I was three years old.

I don't have a lost of memories of the 'abuse', but I do remember losing my Brownie hat when I was nine. She repeadedly hit me around the back and head all the time she was calling me names and shouting at me. That night, at Brownies, someone asked me if I had been crying. I told them I had been rubbing my eyes. I always knew it was wrong, even then, but to me, it was just the way things had always been. It still is.

I remember my mother having a stick that she found in the wood, one end had blue paint on it for some unknow reason. She used it to hit me with. It wasn't very often, but it was on once occation, hard enough to draw blood. I remember another incident, where my sister was teasing me, again. Her and my brother were always ganging up on me and making me feel like crap. At first, I thought it was what normal brothers and sisters did, but they never fought with each other. Only me. Anyway, I lost it with her and slapped her on the back, she started crying, but she wasn't going to tell my mum. We may have hated each other, but we didn't wish my mother's anger on anyone. But my brother told. As predicted, my mother got out her stick and soon, my sister wasn't the only one in tears.

She didn't often hit me in visible areas, but I did once or twice, get a slap around the face. For reasons I can't remember, but I know I never did anything really wrong, they were just normal, childish wrong-doings. One time, I was going to a friend's house when I was about 9. My mum wanted me to take my sister, but I wasn't pleased about that as she had tormented me all of my life. I told my mum I didn't want her there and she slapped me across the face. I didn't even know what I was supposed to have done wrong.

When my brother, my sister and I were misbehaving, she would go and get the stick and leave it next to her to serve as a threat to what would happen if we continued. We hid it once, but then she just used her back scratcher instead, and we got another whack for hiding the stick in the first place. I don't think she ever found it. To this day, I have no idea where it is.

I don't know under what circumstance, or who it was, but someone once asked me if my mum hit me. I told them she didn't, even though I didn't know what she was doing was wrong, I just wasn't sure of other people would see it that way. Despite all this, I loved my mother. When I was younger, I was a real mummy's girl. I thought I would die is anything happened to her. I would always kiss her goodnight before I went to bed, and almost never fought with her. Yes, she would hit me, but I would never fight back, or say anything agaisnt her.

Now, I am not so much of a mummy's girl. Quite the opposite in fact; I dread going home. The 'abuse' stopped a few years back. She knows if she tries anything now, I would either leg it, or fight back. The last time anything happened was when I was arguing with my sister. I was around 12 at the time and my mum heard us and came upstaris with her stick. My sister ran and hid, but I got a whack. It hit me on the hand and very nearly made me bleed. It bruised me at any rate, but by then, I knew not to react. I stared at her and refused to even flinch.

It wasn't just the physical either. It was, and still is, emotional. She calls me all sorts of names. I can't remember everything she's ever said to me, after a while, you learn to tune out so you don't have to listen to people telling you how stupid, pathetic and worthless you are.

Once, she found out I had self harmed. I told her it was a one off, but her words exactly were, 'well make a better job of it next time will you? That'll give me one less mouth to feed'. She also told me not to tell anyone else because they would think I was a crazy freak. I didn't even care, I am used to it now.

Sometimes, it's as if nothing I do will ever be good enough for her. I go to a grammar school and am in top set for English. My teacher's words, not mine, I am the best in the class by miles. Is that good enough for her? Of course not. I have to be better. I have to do better in biology and maths, despite the fact I am on an A/A* for biology, it isn't enough for her.

To this day, I have never seen what she did do and what she does do as abuse. She's my mother, surely that gives her the right to do whatever she likes? Anyway, I have decided it's not her, it's me. My brother and sister never liked me when we were little, and although we get on better now, they still reguarly tell me how pathetic and ugly I am. None of my family ever hesitate to tell me how crap I look, or how stupid I am. I have also been bullied by three other girls, and people snap at me. A lot. Surely then, it isn't them with the problem? It's me. I'm the one that's wrong.

Even my best friend turned against me. That's a story in itself, but in a nutshell, she got sick of my 'moaning' and cutting. She called me an attention seeking bitch and said all I do is f**k up her life. She replaced me and made me feel like it was my fault. She said she didn't care about me or my problems and I was a pathetic freak who should jsut get over herself. She was right.

Since then, I have built a wall and let no one past it. Even sharing this here is a huge rareity for me. Usually, I tell no one anything of how I'm feeling. I have thought about killing myself, but even my best frined thinks I'm happy. The only person who has ever showed any signs of careing is my English teacher. After my nan died, she supported me in the days leading up to the funeral. She was the one who sorted out the bullying after I finally got togther the courage to tell her. I asked to speak to her after school once. I sat with her for a bit, but I couldn't get my words out. I wanted to tell her everything, except about the 'abuse' because then she would go to the social services and all hell would break loose. Besides, there was nothing to tell, it was nothing. Anyway, I sat there opening and closing my mouth and she said to me, 'come on, I haven't got all day.' I thought she cared. Since then, I haven't told her a single word about my feelings or life. The wall is there for good now, and no one will get past it.

To me though, it was just the way things had always been. There's nothing horrific or terrfying in what happened. Although I was scared of my mum for the best part of my life. I'm not now, but I don't tell her if I fail something. I don't want to give her any more chances to tell me how worthless I am. Most of the time, I don't tell anyone I'm trying; that way, if I fail, I have no one to let down but myself.

There was one person who always stuck up for me. Who always told my mum not to get so angry, who moaned at my brother and sister when they were nasty. One person who I could hold a whole conversation with without them making me feel like **** once. My Nanna. I miss her so much. She was the only member of my family who I never once doubted their love for me.

All these years, I didn't even realise what happened was wrong. Now I know it was, but I can't see it as abuse. Abuse makes me think of people being beaten, raped, evey night of thier lives. Stuff like that. What happened to me wasn't abuse. At least not the way I see it. I'm just making soemething out of nothing. As my family tell me. Pathetic.

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Old 13-03-2010, 08:42 PM   #120
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*hugs* You did a good job posting all that honey. Maybe you can tell your English teacher about some of the stuff that used to go on. It's not your fault you were hit and that you're told mean things. No one deserves to be treated that way.



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