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Old 17-02-2011, 10:08 PM   #1
OceanBlues
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IP ? i'm not sick

I can't really bring myself to string a proper sentence together, I am all over the place.. can't think straight.

So my mam is looking into IP, but I don't think i'm sick. I am kind of geting my head around it because I can't keep doing what i'm doing but as I said i'm not sick enough.
I think she is going to talk to my gp on Monday about my options.

So much is going through my head, what if i'm only doing this to get my mam off my back, what if i do go IP and don't want to get better.
I need advice and support I am so confused.

I was in a general pyshc ward last year and it was easy to trick them and hide food etc.
Am I just expecting that again and hoping to starve.

One part of me knows I need to stop all of this and get on with my life but then again one part of me thinks everyone is over reacting and im not sick and that I wana keep starving.




Locked in, Buried under my skin
Riding on the whispers, Restless in the wind
Hunted, I can feel it coming
Keep me under cover in what could of been.


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Old 17-02-2011, 10:34 PM   #2
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What you have said ("I'm not that sick") is so common among those with eating disorders that just saying it is basically a sign that you are sick, and very much so.

Speaking from more experience (as I am in recovery from an ED), it is normal to feel divided about this. To want your ED and yet want to get better. It's normal at this point to not even be sure what you want, it changes so often.

That's why it's vital that you trust your mother, your GP, and others who have your best interests at heart. The ED will try to turn you against them, make you think they don't care, are working against you, but as long as you keep a small part who still trusts them, you can get through this.

It's probably best that you go to a specialized ED unit. They will be able to interrupt your symptoms and get you the proper treatment you need. From there, it's up to you.

Good luck in your recovery and hopefully, your future good health :)



My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)

I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.

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Old 17-02-2011, 10:54 PM   #3
OceanBlues
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thanks for your reply means alot to me :)

My mind changes so much about recovery, it's so hard to make up your mind I think i'm
just affraid of the unknown. My boyfriend thinks I should think about IP because i'm not doing well at all but why can't I see what he see's. I just sometimes think everyone is overreacting.

Keep up with recovery be proud of how far you have gotten I admire your strenght !
<3



Locked in, Buried under my skin
Riding on the whispers, Restless in the wind
Hunted, I can feel it coming
Keep me under cover in what could of been.


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Old 18-02-2011, 01:41 AM   #4
[LittleMonster]
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People most probably aren't overreacting, just concerned and care for you which you most probably know.
How would you feel about IP?
Do you want to recover?
xx

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Old 18-02-2011, 02:53 AM   #5
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Hannah, you are ill. Wanting to starve & purging & generally being over taken my those kind of thoughts is not normal is it? Its certainly not healthy or helpful.
How would you feel if IP wasnt a generl physc but an ED unit?
People around you wont be overreacting, its your ed lying to you



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Old 18-02-2011, 11:24 AM   #6
Lollirot
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I don't have much advice, but I wanted to let you know you aren't alone. I've been getting a lot of treats and "recommendations" that I go inpatient. And I know hearing it seems like such an impossible thing to deal with because EVERYTHING contradicts itself in your head.

I really do think that you should go if the gp etc thinks you should.

I wish I could say something helpful. I'm sorry :(



"Watch me fault her "you're living like a disaster". She said "kill me faster", with strawberry gashes all over"


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Old 18-02-2011, 08:37 PM   #7
OceanBlues
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Thank you everyone !

My head is screaming so many different things. I don't know if i'm ready to let go of this.
I'm afraid I really am. I have accepted I need 24/7 care to get better but do I want it is another thing and i'm not sick enough. I can't do this on my own but there is always that
big BUT.



Locked in, Buried under my skin
Riding on the whispers, Restless in the wind
Hunted, I can feel it coming
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Old 18-02-2011, 08:56 PM   #8
NeverBetter
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*hugs*
sorry i dont have many words right now but have read your posts and care xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



young girl its alright your tears will soon dry your soon be free to fly

she's falling from grace , she's all over the place..............




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Old 19-02-2011, 11:26 AM   #9
[LittleMonster]
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I'm glad you admitted that you need it, that's a good step in the right direction.
It's not life living like this & you are strong enough to get through this!
Try and ignore the "BUT", that's the ED just wanting to destroy you and keep making you miserable.

xx

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Old 19-02-2011, 11:46 PM   #10
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i dont have much advise to give but i think deep down you know your mother is right to be concerned. i hope you dont have to go ip, all the best hun x



i dont feel so good anymore
not the way i used to feel
when i was young


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Old 22-02-2011, 08:42 PM   #11
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I know exactly how you feel. I have been IP at an eating disorder unit for 3 weeks now. I never felt that I was sick/bad/thin enough to admitted, I still don't. All the other patients here also say they don't know why they are here. Its the illness I guess and shows that you probably 'sick enough'

But do you really think there will be a point where you are sick enough? I know for me I can't.

As for getting worrying about not wanting to get better, hold on to the part small part that knows you need to stop.

I don't see that I need to get better as i don't think I have one. But tbh you really need to hang on to that part that knows you do have one. As I have ended up being sectioned for 6 months and you really don't want that.

Sorry that its not great advice, hope things work out good x



'Watch with glittering eyes, the world around you. Those who do not believe in magic will never find it' - Roald Dahl


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