Last night, I went over to one of my friends' relatives houses to shoot off some fireworks and we were having a good time and I was enjoying myself, but later, I started feeling this sensation inside of me and I got depressed. It hit me so suddenly and so violently... I just wanted to escape. We were all talking inside about things but I felt like I had to get out, so I went outside and sat on the porch for a while. I'm sure that I was being a horrible guest because I just walked out so suddenly. Well, anyway, I sat out there for a while but eventually everyone came outside to sit on the porch and continued laughing and having a good time and I just couldn't handle it. I don't know why, but I couldn't. I ran away and just started walking. I couldn't even stop myself. I just walked, and walked. I couldn't even think. I don't know what's wrong with me. I consumed alcohol and I'm on antidepressants.... I know that wasn't a good idea... do you guys think it had anything to do with that..? I don't know what to do. I feel so ashamed, guilty, embarrassed and worthless. What is wrong with me?
Yes, the alcohol may have been an aspect. Alcohol is a depressant, and contra-indicated with anti-depressants also.
The thing is, depression comes through in waves like that. It can flood and leave you feeling washed over and knocked down by its onslaught. So, try to be less hard on yourself. Take some time maybe to reflect on what you were talking about, what was on your mind. There may be an answer there.
Certain anti-depressants, when mixed with alchohol can trigger disassociatative trances...in other words, knock your mental state wayyyy off balance. You may even start randomly start doing things without knowing what you're doing.
And like ~longing~tears~ said, alcohol is a depressant. You mixed it with anti-depressants, which defninitely screws with your brain chemistry.
"When I was a little kid, my mother told me not to stare into the sun, so when I was six I did..."
You have no reason to feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed or worthless. You did nothing wrong, everyone has their down moments, no one is expected to be happy 24/7 so im sure that your friends will not hold it against you because you didnt cope.
Anti-depressants should not be mixed with alcohol so it probably did have an effect on you, especially if you havent had a drink for a while because of your medication. Mixed with the fact that alcohol is a depressant it is probably the main cause for suddenly feeling so bad and struggling so much. Alcohol also seems to magnify your feelings so if you were feeling down to start with that probably didnt help either.
I hopw you're feeling better and a little more stable today.
Take care
Aimee xx
Your post was full of rather negative criticisms about yourself, suggesting that you had ruined your friends evening - I would hazard a guess that rather than ruin it, they were just concerned. Friends can be a lot more understanding than perhaps we realise, and it may be worth talking to them and just explaining what went on.
As for why it happened - I wish I knew. It's horrid, isn't it, when you just get hit with that wave of depression. The anti-Ds & alcohol could have played a part in it - anti-Ds help with motivation, and when alcohol gets involved, it can lead to a rather nasty outcome. Perhaps you could try doing something like making a Coping Bank, which could help you again when you feel low?
Thank you guys so much...I'm feeling better about that today, but I have some other problems right now that are all happening at once and it's almost too much for me to handle.. I think I'll make another thread for it..
