Triggering (Abuse) - Made to feel guilty

*deepest*regrets* · 07-08-2008, 03:50 AM

Why is it my fault mum? Can you not understand that I cannot possibly miss the person who made my life a living hell for 5years. You watched him beat me, you just sat there and even when I cried out for your help you just kept watching. You could have done something, you could have helped me. He LISTENS to you. You didn't care when he had me pinned up against a wall with a knife held to my throat. You didn't care when I was taken to hospital. All that mattered then was HIM and all that matters now is HIM. He CHOSE to move out remember. None of us forced him, yet you act like its my fault, like I drove him away. I didnt ask for this, I didnt ask to live in fear in my own house, to be beaten within an inch of my life. It wasnt my fault... or was it?

BoundNoMore · 07-08-2008, 03:56 AM

*cuddles you*
It was not your fault... it wasn't

*deepest*regrets* · 07-08-2008, 04:01 AM

Then why did he do it? Surely I must have done something to make him want to hurt me. He's never hurt anyone else intentionally. Just me. So it must have been my fault

BoundNoMore · 07-08-2008, 04:04 AM

he did it because he is a sick man... you did NOTHING wrong

troubleshooter · 07-08-2008, 04:06 AM

It Wasn't your fault honey. Sometimes people just have bad feelings inside and they hurt others because of it. It's wrong and it's not your fault at all. *hugs*

*deepest*regrets* · 07-08-2008, 04:25 AM

I keep getting flashbacks of some of the incidents and they are scaring me

troubleshooter · 07-08-2008, 04:27 AM

*hugs* Try to do some grounding. Remind yourself of the year, that you're safe, get up and down, and even spray yourself with water.

crazykat · 07-08-2008, 04:29 AM

Under no circumstances was this your fault, what he did was wrong. Have you ever had any counselling to help you be able to deal with what happened and the flashbacks? I am here if you need to talk. Take care
Kat xxx

*deepest*regrets* · 07-08-2008, 04:34 AM

There is nowhere I can go to get counselling. I live in the mountains in India. My brother is back home in England and I go back in may for uni. We will be back to living in the same town.

crazykat · 07-08-2008, 12:12 PM

Thats a shame about the counselling, but we are all here for you and you can also speak to the supporters online at RYL as well if you ever need to. Take care
Kat xxx

*deepest*regrets* · 07-08-2008, 03:50 PM

I hate this.. are you determined to DESTROY me? Do you get satisfaction from seeing me break down? You're my parents, you're supposed to build me up not tear me down? What is it I've done? I'm trying so hard to be a good daughter, i cook and clean and iron when its needed. I try to do everything that you ask of me. So why is it that I can never please you? I was stupid to think my problems would be over when he left

Spoons · 07-08-2008, 05:25 PM

when/ if you go back to the uk for uni could you use the counselling services at the uni? im pretty sure most if not all uni's will have some sort of counselling or support for you.

You havent done anything wrong or anything to deserve the way you were treated, i know its hard to believe that if everyone else he meets doesnt get treated the way you do but that doesnt mean you did anything wrong. He is obviously a bully, and bullies pick on those who they think wont retaliate or fight back, they get some twisted sense of power out of the whole thing.

You didnt do anything to warrant him treating you this way!

Porcelain Child · 11-08-2008, 04:50 PM

I am sorry for what you went through...

Its certainly not your fault at all...

Some people are just twisted...

Have you got any helplines you can ring.. if you can get any counselling...

Keep talking to us... cos talking will help..

*squishes*

Claire...

*deepest*regrets* · 12-08-2008, 07:20 AM

Had a bad couple of days... I only got 3hours sleep on sunday night because of panic attacks and flashbacks. I couldn't make them stop... they ran through my head everytime I closed my eyes so I had to get up and switch on a light and remind myself that he couldnt hurt me anymore but then the same thing happened when I went back to bed :(