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Old 12-11-2019, 03:15 PM   #1201
chinahorse
 
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Thank you. But what I said to my job centre lady sums it up. I don't expect to be alive much longer. Not morbid. Just the honest truth.

Cafes cost money. And the library is very very quiet.

I'm not sure I have anything much to offer. And if I manage to get myself to a volunteer position I'd be too anxious to be any use.

Badly badly want to go buy things to burn with. Burn more. Burn better.



Given enough tea I could rule the world.


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Old 12-11-2019, 03:19 PM   #1202
one_step_closer
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Please don't cause yourself any more harm, remember how upsetting it was before when you realised the damage you had done? If you need some support please keep asking for it, don't take any drastic actions. Do you know what you want to say at your appointment with the CC? Maybe you could try and prepare for that.

You've managed well with work despite all the things you were going through at the time. I think if you found a voluntary position in an area that you're interested in you might feel more relaxed and get some enjoyment from it.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 12-11-2019, 03:24 PM   #1203
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The cmht here only think I'm struggling if I harm. The psychiatrist himself said so. So I can't call them and ask for help.

The appointment is to make a crisis plan. Which have never been any use to me and are a paper exercise.

There's nothing local that I'm interested in where ypu can volunteer at. You can't volunteer in dentistry either.



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Old 12-11-2019, 03:28 PM   #1204
one_step_closer
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You can still call and ask for help, please don't self harm to try and get help.

Would you say if you think the crisis plan isn't going to be useful? Maybe they will be able to ask you about what a crisis looks like for you so that they stop thinking that you're only struggling if you harm yourself.

Is there a volunteering website you can look at for your area?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 12-11-2019, 06:30 PM   #1205
tiptoes
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You didn't get yourself into this situation. You are living with a mental health condition without support. This is not on you.

It is a credit to you how much energy you put into trying as hard as you do.

Is there anyone you could video call?

I'm sorry you are lonely, I understand I do. It's horrible when you have no human interactions. Try to bring it up with the CC, they might have ideas, being lonely is going to feed into crisis. (my phone auto correct lonely to lovely which you totally are!)

Sorry I have no real advice x



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Old 13-11-2019, 07:38 PM   #1206
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I will tell her if the crisis plan is shit.

Love a bit of autocorrect!

I'm struggling to cope today. I just don't see the point in living anymore.



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Old 13-11-2019, 09:37 PM   #1207
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I want permission to end my life.



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Old 13-11-2019, 10:30 PM   #1208
Auror.
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I don't think anyone is going to give you permission to do that. We could get into a lot of trouble for that, as could professionals. I'm sorry you are struggling so much today. I see how hard you are trying. Is there anything support wise we could offer you? How's Bertie doing?



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This is happening, this is part of you.


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Old Yesterday, 02:45 AM   #1209
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I can't do this. I can't. Just watching bertie sleep. Soothing.



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Old Yesterday, 03:12 AM   #1210
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I am glad you and Bertie have each other. If that is soothing, just focus on that for now. That sounds like a really good thing. <3



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This is happening, this is part of you.


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Old Yesterday, 07:17 PM   #1211
chinahorse
 
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Don't want to live anymore. It's too hard. I feel so horrid.



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Old Today, 12:06 PM   #1212
one_step_closer
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I hear you, life can be such a struggle. What specifically is difficult right now and can you think of anything that would make things less difficult even if those things seem impossible right now?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old Today, 12:39 PM   #1213
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I've rang the cmht and waiting on them to call me back.

Money would help, having support would help, my stupid mother fucking off and leaving me alone more would help, people lowering their expectations would help.



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