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Old 05-09-2020, 12:06 AM   #1
Darkwings44
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why bother?!

why bother with stupid therapy when I have self harm and ryl!!!? they never knew me anyways!!!!!!

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Old 05-09-2020, 06:03 AM   #2
EyelinerAndCigarettes
 
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Hey - it sounds like you were really struggling last night, how are you feeling now?







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Old 06-09-2020, 03:56 PM   #3
Darkwings44
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I feel like im a iceberg so often hideing so munch pain, sadness, depression just everything that is so messed up about me under the water and show only the fake happy smiles laughter and the im fine shit on the surface!!!!



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 06-09-2020, 08:54 PM   #4
Straight 3
 
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Hi, Darkwings44.

I can relate to everything you wrote. I'm finding it harder and harder to fake that smile when there is so much pain and sadness and regret on the inside. Sometimes I just have to accept that today is going to be rough and push through it and find something to distract myself; even for just a little bit.

I hope when you listen to music it takes you away from your troubles. For me music does that.

Sorry if that wasn't much help.

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Old 07-09-2020, 04:10 PM   #5
Darkwings44
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thank you...

music that i listen to makes me less alone... i listen to music that i can relate to...

dont be sorry!! you helped me!! =)


Last edited by Darkwings44 : 07-09-2020 at 05:32 PM. Reason: changed info


just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 07-09-2020, 05:34 PM   #6
Darkwings44
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yesterday I was on my laptop on RYL talking about ranch and mayo and two staff at the group home was like "you're not allowed to talk to people online!" but the boss of the group home has been knowing that I go on this site and has said that its ok for me to use this site and then the two staff (one day staff S and the nurse G) cut me off early of my time on my laptop and I was so mad I yelled at one of the staff (S) because she went and said "you brought this on yourself" and that pissed me off because I was doing what I was SUPOSED to be doing in the first place!!!!!! so I yelled her and then later on another staff came in early (B) and wasn't on the clock yet and ask me if I was ok and I was SOOOOOOOOO very very very triggered but I don't have a blade so I asked her (since I cant drive and or go places on my own) if I could or if she could get me a blade and she asked whats wrong and why I needed a blade I didnt know that if I was going to get in trouble if I told her why I needed a blade so I told her and she said that we would talk about it later.
so later on.. the two staff apologized( S and G )( the staff who cut me off of my laptop) then said something about self harm I went to the one staff (B)that i asked the question to and she said that she didn't say anything so I later on found out what happened when boss of the group home called me...he said that one the staff (the nurse G) over heard me and the staff (b) talking about it but I don't know how because I whispered it to the staff!!! so I self harm a lot yesterday because of what happened (other then cutting because I decided not to get the blade from the staff(b) because she was going to get it for me.. but I didnt want her to get fired)...….


Last edited by Darkwings44 : 07-09-2020 at 08:46 PM. Reason: expained a bit more....


just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 07-09-2020, 09:36 PM   #7
Darkwings44
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anyone esle feel like this?

im sorry but.... anyone else feel alone even on RYL? is it just me whos feeling this way? feeling like shit???!!!! because that's exactly how I feel......


Last edited by Darkwings44 : 07-09-2020 at 09:37 PM. Reason: needed to say im sorry...


just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 07-09-2020, 09:42 PM   #8
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I think a lot of us probably do. It's a much quieter community than it used to be and sometimes it feels risky reaching out. That's certainly not to blame either RYL or any of its community, things just evolve that way sometimes. I do believe people still care though.

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Old 07-09-2020, 09:49 PM   #9
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Yeah i been feeling like this too and its making me log in less although i still browse as a guest to see if theres been comments on my threads n that n check up on ppl who i care about on here

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Old 07-09-2020, 09:50 PM   #10
Darkwings44
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im sorry for making this thread.........



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 07-09-2020, 09:50 PM   #11
Soft Kitty
 
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You don't need to be sorry :) sometimes it's helpful to have a discussion about these things.

Either way, I'm sending hugs.


Last edited by Soft Kitty : 07-09-2020 at 09:52 PM. Reason: To add
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Old 07-09-2020, 09:52 PM   #12
Darkwings44
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thank you! *hugs you*
koala hugs i do that too!


Last edited by Darkwings44 : 07-09-2020 at 09:54 PM. Reason: added info


just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 07-09-2020, 10:26 PM   #13
Darkwings44
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i NEED it!!!

I need to sh right now!!!! I feel soo triggered and overwelmed but I don't have anything to do it with!!!!!! expect for my teeth and fingernails but I need more then just those things!!!! but I cant drive or go to stores by my self!!!



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 07-09-2020, 11:32 PM   #14
MunchBox
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Try and surf the urge, they will start to lessen.
You don't need to do it, try and find other healthy coping skills.



Sweetpea


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Old 08-09-2020, 01:32 AM   #15
Darkwings44
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I HAVE NONE!!!!!!!!!
i feel like screaming out at people irl "DO YOU SERIOUSLY KNOW HOW I FEEL??? HELL NO!!! SO SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!!"



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 08-09-2020, 02:12 AM   #16
EyelinerAndCigarettes
 
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Hey - am sending you hugs if that's okay.







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Old 08-09-2020, 02:16 AM   #17
Darkwings44
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yes!!!!! hugs is allways welcome but only if there safe hugs
<3



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 08-09-2020, 02:17 AM   #18
Darkwings44
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should i?

can i ask a qestion?
im wondering if i should go to a pro site or not because maybe i wont feel alone there but ive never been to a site like that (RYL is the first and only sh site I have used) so im unsure what it like on those sites............


Last edited by Darkwings44 : 08-09-2020 at 02:22 AM. Reason: added more


just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

Darkwings44 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2020, 03:20 AM   #19
Pomegranate
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How DO you feel?





*Proud Plumeria Sister*







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Old 08-09-2020, 03:20 AM   #20
Pomegranate
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What would people ‘irl’ know to make them understand?





*Proud Plumeria Sister*







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