RYL Forums


Forum Jump
Post New Thread  Reply
Old 11-04-2017, 07:56 AM   #1
Han7777777
 
Han7777777's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
I am currently:
Help

I can't do this. I don't know what to do.

Yesterday I burned myself.

It was the first time I've self harmed in a long time.

I can't stop purging.

I feel so low.

I'm scared about how to take care of my baby when I feel so poorly.

I start new medication today. Venlafaxine/Effexor XL. I'm don't think I can do this.



'I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, in whom I take refuge, my sheild and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.'
Psalm 18:1-2

Han7777777 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2017, 09:12 AM   #2
Tixy
 
Tixy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Diagon Alley
I am currently:

Hey

Take a breath, you can do this. You said that you haven't SH in a long time which is great. Try not to see this as a big set back, life is full of ups and downs and I know when we hit the downs things can get really bad but things will go back up again.

You say you are starting new medication, are you seeking professional support such a therapy along side this?

Do you have anyone in your life at the moment that you can talk to about how your feeling?

You say that your scared about looking after your baby, is there any local parent groups/support groups in your area that you might be able to access to get extra support? It's ok to reach out for help when we need it.

Take care

X



If we OWN the story then we can write the ending.

Brene Brown


Tixy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13-04-2017, 02:13 PM   #3
Sooty
Sophie
 
Sooty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: East Sussex
I am currently:

Hi Han,

It sounds like you've got a lot going on at the moment and new medication is always tricky. What kind of support do you have around you at the moment with the new meds? I think it's important that you have a care plan for at least the next few weeks to that you can settle into the medication and have some help looking after your baby.

Sophie.x



Soon... Now will be then...Today will be yesterday... Present will be past...And thought will be memory... So...Live for the future! Make your future how you want it!

Sooty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15-04-2017, 06:47 AM   #4
Han7777777
 
Han7777777's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
I am currently:

Thank you both so much for taking the time to reply.

I only have support from my GP. I'm on the waiting list for cbt but it is 3-4 months and I've been referred to the psychiatrist but the dr said that will be 1-2 months. I've got some good friends but I know they feel out of their depth in being able to support me never having been through anything similar. I'm seeing my health visitor again soon as the gp has contacted her so I can have a little more support. My arm is constantly throbbing where I burned it and I'm a bit worried that it might be infected. My dr is on annual leave next week and I'm too ashamed to tell/show anyone else. I'm not sure what to do xxx



'I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, in whom I take refuge, my sheild and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.'
Psalm 18:1-2

Han7777777 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-04-2017, 06:56 PM   #5
Han7777777
 
Han7777777's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
I am currently:
I thought it would be a one-off

I thought that if I self harmed then it would take my mind off things and help me manage. I thought it would be a one-off but it's not enough. I feel tempted to do it again 😞

I'm sorry for all my posts recently. I just don't know how much longer I can manage like this.



'I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, in whom I take refuge, my sheild and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.'
Psalm 18:1-2

Han7777777 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18-04-2017, 01:13 PM   #6
Sooty
Sophie
 
Sooty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: East Sussex
I am currently:

Hi Han,

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling so much lately. Do you think that you want to self harm again because the one time that you did do it recently it didn't give you what you thought it would? Is there a more constructive and less destructive way that you can cope with what's going on for you at the moment? Perhaps you can use this thread to tell us what's going on for you at the moment and we can talk through it?

Sophie.x



Soon... Now will be then...Today will be yesterday... Present will be past...And thought will be memory... So...Live for the future! Make your future how you want it!

Sooty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-04-2017, 09:32 PM   #7
Han7777777
 
Han7777777's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
I am currently:

Hi Sophie, thank you so much for the reply. I think you're right. It's never going to be enough. As the wound heals I feel increasingly tempted to do it again but I can see how that could quickly become a problem. I'm not sure how I can cope in a less destructive way. I posted this on the ED forum about what I think might be behind how I'm feeling at the moment:

I'm not entirely sure why I'm purging but I found the birth of my daughter very traumatic as I was raped in the past and the birth brought back a lot of the feelings of being out of control and being exposed but at the time I just had to block out my feelings as I knew the baby was more important. After the birth I had third degree tearing and had to go straight to theatre to be stitched up. I was terrified. They had to put my feet in stirrups. It was awful. I just wanted to be with my baby girl. In the week after the birth I exclusively breastfed but my baby lost so much weight that we were sent to hospital when she was 5 days old and made to bottle feed her as I wasn't producing milk. It made me feel so useless as a mum. It hurt so much that I was unable to feed my baby and have that close contact with her. I felt like there was something wrong with me and struggled every day with self harm thoughts. I feel like such a failure. Xxx


Last edited by Han7777777 : 19-04-2017 at 09:35 PM. Reason: Posted too soon


'I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, in whom I take refuge, my sheild and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.'
Psalm 18:1-2

Han7777777 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-04-2017, 10:53 AM   #8
Sooty
Sophie
 
Sooty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: East Sussex
I am currently:

Hi Han,

Wow it sounds like you've really been through hell and back with the trauma of birth and then not being able to breast feed your daughter. You did however breast feed her for a week which is a week longer than some people. Some can't breast feed from day one and although I have not had kids, I can imagine how heartbreaking that must feel to not be able to provide this need for your baby but your biology is out of your control. Unfortunately not every body is able to what you want it to but you are a Mum and you are feeding your baby which is your daughter's biggest need and you are doing it... it may not be in the method you'd hoped but you are delivering her food and that's the most important thing!

What sort of professional help are you getting at the moment? I think it's important to get the help and support you deserve while you're healing from the birth and adjusting to being a mother to your precious baby girl. Stay strong, you're amazing!

Sophie.x



Soon... Now will be then...Today will be yesterday... Present will be past...And thought will be memory... So...Live for the future! Make your future how you want it!

Sooty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22-04-2017, 06:58 AM   #9
Han7777777
 
Han7777777's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
I am currently:

Thank you so much for your kind words Sophie. I'm seeing my GP every couple of weeks while I'm waiting for cbt and the psychiatrist referral to come through but it isn't enough at the moment. I feel so alone. I'm considering paying for counselling with a lady who specialises in eating disorders which I could access immediately but it is £50 a session. Xxx



'I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, in whom I take refuge, my sheild and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.'
Psalm 18:1-2

Han7777777 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25-04-2017, 08:49 PM   #10
MyLastKiss
 
MyLastKiss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
I am currently:

I'm so sorry to hear how much you're struggling. You shouldn't feel like a bad mother because of the breast feeding. Easier said than done, but really don't. I think there's not much evidence that children that are note breastfed have more problems when they grow up. The first thing you have to take care of is your child, second thing yourself. Judging by the post today at STOP. Do this NOW! you are doing better now. Take care





MyLastKiss is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Members Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Censor is ON
Forum Jump


Sea Pink Aroma
All times are GMT +1. The time now is 02:10 PM.