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I don't know where to turn *Triggering Si/Suicide*
I don't know what to do or where to turn... My mental health has been on a steady decline the last 18 months, but the last few weeks I've gone downhill rapidly.
My mood swings have gotten out of hand; normally a laid back person I've become irritable, angry and I lose my temper in an instant, and I could give you whiplash how quick they change.
Suicidal thoughts have been becoming more and more prevalent, I'm having to argue with myself why I should be alive. Urges to self harm almost uncontrollable - refrained from cutting as it interferes with my hydrotherapy, but when emotions got too high I found myself punching myself in the head.
Went to the doctors almost 2 weeks ago as antidepressants not veen working for 3ish months (prev GP said to wait to see if started working again) and he said he was going to refer me to CMHT to see psychiatrist, he couldn't do anything about meds cos I'm maxed on mine and he thinks I've got other MH stuff going on.
End of last week went back to GP because I was at breaking point - his secretary told me it would be 2 weeks til they sent my referral off - so he referred me to CRHTT and I had an appt at local psych ward for assessment. He was really concerned and kept repeatedly preparing me that they'd probably want to take me as inpatient to change my meds and monitor me.
Was in the assessment 2 hours, asked me a lot of questions that I found really difficult but I did my best to be as honest aa I could even though it was making my anxiety even worse. AND THEY SENT ME AWAY. no inpatient. No home treatment. No immediate referral to CMHT. The woman even suggested that if SI stops me committing suicide then I shouldn't worry about stopping til later down the line, and I should just go home and someone will see me in a few weeks to a couple of months.
I don't even know where to turn now. CMHT won't do anything til they get a referral, GP secretary refused to send it any quicker (Monday will be 2 weeks since my appt), CRHTT won't help. After not cutting in 5 months, I've cut every day since they sent me home, and deeper than I have in years.
This is the first time I've reached out to any of the MH services and no one will help. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm beyond help, all I know is I can't keep reaching out and being pushed away.
Does anyone have any ideas what I can do... I don't feel safe.
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