Like you've been lost for so long that your own darkness is now your home and your so incredibly numb you can't feel at all. Life has become a burden and it's hard just to take breaths to stay.your self hatred is so strong it convinces you that you don't even deserve to live, you don't even deserve to be happy. There are constant voices in your head telling you your ugly, fat , stupid, worthless, useless, sick and pathetic. And though you so desperately want to have just a glimse of happiness you know that it's no use because you won't get better and you don't deserve it. And all your vices are now your friends and comfort, now they take up every space in your heart and mind and they force you to surrender anything of value. It's like you've fallen but no one can hear your screams and soon enough you just except that this is how it's supposed to be. For me personally that's how it is, I pushed everything under the rug and they all grew and became depression, self harm, self hatred, fear, and suicidal thoughts. Everything I pushed down for so long ate me up inside and consumed all my sanity, and I tried to live with it by numbing the pain but that made it worse. I tried closing my heart off completely but that turned it to stone and I tried pushing people away by not giving them a name so they wouldn't mean anything to me if they left. I know this is long but I just felt like posting this and if you can relate than you can share or tell you story.
Lotus Flower: grows out of the mud and blossoms into a beautiful flower
He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along-Psalms 40:2
i think that alot of people here can relate. i certainly can. things can get better though, but not on their own. sometimes it takes a leap of faith to start recovering, because you have to start trying to get better, even if you can't see how it is possible, or what "better" is going to look or feel like
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
I know that right now the depression thoughts are telling you that things won't get better - but they will, they can, please don't give up on that possibility. I know these feelings too, they are painful and they seem like there's no way out, but there is. I'm on the other side now, things have got better than I could ever imagine and I am so glad I held on through the dark times, so I hope you can get some support to get through them too.
I can definitely relate. Those are all such difficult feelings to cope with... hope you're doing ok<3
Feel free to send a PM if you need to talk *hug*
"God take me, because I hate me" -Underoath
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
I know that right now the depression thoughts are telling you that things won't get better - but they will, they can, please don't give up on that possibility. I know these feelings too, they are painful and they seem like there's no way out, but there is. I'm on the other side now, things have got better than I could ever imagine and I am so glad I held on through the dark times, so I hope you can get some support to get through them too.
Are you getting any professional support?
x
no i'm not at the point where i even think i'm bad enough to get help.
Lotus Flower: grows out of the mud and blossoms into a beautiful flower
He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along-Psalms 40:2
Trust me, if you're feeling this way you deserve to get help. I wonder if you could see your doctor and tell them how low you're feeling, the sorts of thoughts you're having? You deserve so much better than this x