Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - reminded...

Cacoethes · 18-02-2009, 05:51 PM

this may seem silly,
but when i was in a&e on monday i had a tube inserted into me to get a sample, they left it in for a while, and it just reminded me about what happened to me before.
i still feel sore and dirty, even though it was just a tube.
i know i sound really stupid, but now i cant think of anything else but the pain i suffered 4 years ago.
4 years, i should be over this by now.
GET OVER IT BECKY

shadow-light · 18-02-2009, 06:07 PM

I've had 4 years to "get over it" too... there is no time limit on this, and there will always be things that may remind you of it...

seriously 4 years isn't as long as it sounds

troubleshooter · 18-02-2009, 06:37 PM

Honey that's not silly or stupid. Getting a tube put into you like that is unpleasant and uncomfortable enough, nonetheless with scary memories coming back. *hugs* Like shdow said 4 years isn't that long, and something like this is def worthy of being upset. It's ok honey, we're here for you.

Cacoethes · 18-02-2009, 06:39 PM

thankyou so much guys.
it is a hard thing to get over.
i havnt told anyone what happened to me
maybe i should have
but its too late now

shadow-light · 18-02-2009, 06:43 PM

you could still tell someone, talking about these things can be helpful... scary at first, but helpful still.

and you saying nothing at the time is perfectly understandable

Cacoethes · 18-02-2009, 07:01 PM

im scared someone will tell the police, or my parents.
i dont want the police to know cos i threatend HIM with a knife after what he did.
i dont want my parents to know because they will totally ****.
i know it will be like, impossible to find the guy, but im still scared.
and im still scared of him

troubleshooter · 18-02-2009, 10:07 PM

Why don't you tell us? We won't tell the police or anyone. *hugs*

shadow-light · 18-02-2009, 10:12 PM

well I guess it depends upon who you tell I guess... do you have any friends who you'd trust to not tell anyone?

or a councilor maybe? I'm fairly sure that they only tell someone if the abuse is ongoing

Cacoethes · 18-02-2009, 10:15 PM

i suppose thats true.
i cant tell my friends, they wont understand, i love them to pieces but they dont understand anything like this.

its just having that tube there brought it all back, i was beginning to kind of move on, and it all just came flooding back to me.
i dont want to go out in case i see him.
in case he hurts me again
i feel stupid

shadow-light · 18-02-2009, 10:19 PM

you're not being stupid at all.

The following content has been hidden - Reason : embarrassing...

feeling fears is a natural response to these things. but you have to keep reminding yourself that it's over, in the past, the memories cannot hurt you and neither can he.

Cacoethes · 18-02-2009, 10:37 PM

i hate feeling so scared all the time
this has just made all those fears stronger.
and im scared that someone else will hurt me
it could be anyone
i always feel at risk

shadow-light · 18-02-2009, 10:43 PM

I can relate to that...

I've been advised o write a list of these fears, and then sort of rationalise each of them, writing down why they would never or would be unlikely to happen. I've not gotten round to doing it yet, but the idea makes sense, so could be worth a try

Cacoethes · 18-02-2009, 10:48 PM

that might be helpful
though its hard for me to rationalize anything right now
ill give it a go. thanks
i feel like such a slut, i have for 4 years.
he got me believing it

shadow-light · 18-02-2009, 10:50 PM

you're not a slut... that's how these people work, get us to believe that we are the bad ones, the ones to blame... but they are the bad ones, they did wrong, you are nothing negative due to this event.

Cacoethes · 18-02-2009, 10:57 PM

thankyou for your support, you have made me feel better.
im finding things very hard at the moment.
at a&e, they kept asking me if i was pregnant, which really got to me for some reason.
i feel really messed up

bekbo · 23-02-2009, 08:41 PM

I know this may be a bit personal, but, if you are over 16 you could speak to your GP about it and they are bound by confidentiality not to inform your parents and it's your choice whether you tell the police or not.
Don't worry, 4 years isn't a long time emotional wounds take a long time to heal, look at me it's been 8 years and i'm still on the road to recovery. it will get easier in time. Let me know if you want to pm xxx