Triggering (Suicide) - that feeling again...

.ghost. · 22-06-2007, 05:42 PM

At the moment, I feel the same as I did when I OD a few months ago, and it kind of worries me a bit. I don't know why it worries me, I'm not scared of death or anything like that, I would be quite happy to just die right now but I'm not sure I actually want to try and do anything again. I feel really hopeless about my future and just so completely worthless and I wish I could just disappear.

My psychologist asks me every time I see her if I’ve thought about ODing again, I always say know because I know that I’ll just be shoved in a hospital and probably given meds to ‘solve’ everything, which I’m terrified of (meds, not really hospitals), but that means I can’t really get any help dealing with my thoughts. I don’t think I’m in danger of doing anything, last time I knew I was going to end everything, this time it’s more like I can’t be bothered living rather than being 100% certain I want to die.

guiltyinnocence · 22-06-2007, 06:35 PM

*hugs*
your not worthless, you're a valued and lovely person =)
have you spoken to your psychologist about the thoughts your having? they cant force you to have meds, you can refuse and ask her to concentrate on the thoughts
just pm me if you ever need to talk =)
stay safe
luv saz xxxx

Dannerus_Maximus · 22-06-2007, 07:54 PM

I agree with guiltyinnocence. I think that if you tell your psychologist exactly how you feel about taking meds and instead focus on counseling, you'll be much better off. Nobody is worthless in this world. Especially people who have to suffer. Hang in there! *hugs*

Snow White. · 23-06-2007, 04:07 AM

Hey darl,

I hope you're alright. Feeling worthless can be really hard, why do you think that you feel that way? Can you see any future, have any goals? Sometimes when we're so depressed it can be hard to focus on anything but how horrible we feel, let alone that things can change and get better - but they can, as I'm sure you know.

Try and be honest with your psychololgist. If you've got an issue with feeling like ODing then there's something underlying your problems and you need to talk about that - I'm sure they won't chuck you in hospital straight away. Sometimes we think of suicide as a way of ending the pain or what we're feeling (which is often so overhwelming it's hard to comprend) which is why I understand when you say you don't "Want" to die. But there are other ways of getting that relief from your pain, and one really good one is reaching out for more support. I hope you can behonest with the people around you and get that support being you so you're strong enough to get through this.

Please look after yourself and be honest with those around you.
*squish*
Love Aimee xo

whathellisabout · 23-06-2007, 04:33 PM

hi

i always tell people that even marlyn manson feels that way. i read an article in kerrang and i was astonished! i never thought anyone would be so famous and so similiar to me. and now you.

LOOK AT US LONELY NOT-BOTHERED SOULS FLY!!! *hugs*

Kaya · 23-06-2007, 08:02 PM

Hey, you.

If anything, it's good that you're not certain that you want to die. How are you feeling at the moment?

Please, please try and tell your psych about the thoughts you're having. I doubt she'd just put you in hospital without trying to work through anything with you first and, as others have said, she can't force you to take meds. It can really help to talk about things, and I'm sure that she'd be willing to do anything that she could to support you - after all, that's what she's there for.

Please try and stay safe, okay? Keep posting as much as you need to. Good luck with everything.

.ghost. · 27-06-2007, 08:18 PM

Hey. I saw the psychologist yesterday but I didn’t actually say anything, I'm just really scared, I don't know why...
I'm not feeling as bad today, but I still feel like I just want to give up. I've been thinking a bit though and I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to do anything in the near future.

Another thing which is kind of worrying me is about the future in a year or so's time. I need to move out when I'm 16 because I can't live here, I'm not sure whether my mother would actually ask me to leave then anyway. I know that living alone at 16 is going to be hard, and to be honest I'm not sure how I'm going to manage, so I'm kind of ashamed to admit this but I've always thought that if things got too tough I'd kill myself, there's be no one around to stop me and it would be easier than living. I know it's stupid...I'm not sure how I feel about living and life in general right now.