Chloe did the same at 18 months when we started to teach her to self'settle, got to 10 mind of crying then you'd hear the cries retreat ad she gave up and got into bed. I think they'll do it at whatever age you start to witdraw with them.
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
Sam do you put on any music when you put him down?
we used to play a cd for saul when we were feeding and settling him, i had one of the songs on my phone (it was puff the magic dragon!!) and if we were out and i pit it on he fell fast asleep
at bed time he has the music box for a mobile on his cot (cause when they can pull the toys on the mobile arm they suggest you take it away) and we used to put that on to settle him, now if he wakens during the night he puts it on himself and goes straight back to sleep.
it was a bit creepy the first few times he did it tho! we were like who is in the house!!
good luck.
oh my sister had the same problem she just stayed in the room, her daughter is 15months and is only just starting to self sooth, she said she couldent listen to her cry, so went through steps like holding her hand through the bars and then just sitting in the room and now she will go down fine during the day but has to sit in the room with her at bed time, but hopefully soon she will go down ok at bed time too.
Saul also has a favourite toy, he was just over a year when he got 'pluto' and he doesn't sleep without him, a lot of parenting experts recommend a 'lovely' we never encouraged it but Saul chose it himself and he will sleep anywhere as long as pluto is there
He doesn't have music on as we've tried it and he tends to see it as a cue to roll about and play even though we have those soft night light music things. The annoying thing is he falls asleep on his bottle but wakes up when I lie him in his cot. Only time he goes straight off is if he's been swimming or something during the day or is exhausted. He's getting harder to put down for a daytime nap too. I have to get a couple of breaks though otherwise I think id snap!
I have to say I'm part of the mean crowd that just walks away and leaves them to cry....but I know some people don't like that approach when their child is so young.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
I can't walk away completely as he rolls and sticks his legs through his cot (I'm sure on purpose!) but I can be where he can't see me. If I give him his bottle lying flat he chokes on it. Oops!
Did any of you suffer lower back pain in late pregnancy? im over 32 weeks now and the pain is beginning to get unbearable its starting to travel down my left thigh too, nothing seems to help, not baths or lying down, cant get an appointment with the maternity physio till the 17th think my back may have snapped in 2 by then!!
Yeah I had really bad back pain later on. I found one of those birthing balls helped and sleeping with a cushion between my knees as it was my hips causing the bother in the end. Hot water bottle?
D-liscious - have you tried getting a bump support band from mothercare or babies-r-us? it might help take some of the weight of your bump. Also, maternity jeans with a support belt will have a similar (if not the same) effect.
Sam - my suggestion would be to grab a good book and a cup of tea (or glass of wine) and put bubba to bed, stay in the room as far away as he will allow you and sit and read. Gradually move a little further each night (or you can try easing further away when he's more settled and seeing how far you can get) until your on the sofa watching tv :D
It takes time and patience, but remember babies need to feel safe and when they do they will sleep. If possible take turns with your hubby.
I tried the controlled crying and it killed me and didn't help in the end at all.
I now strongly believe that when babies cry it is not because they 'want' something, it's because they 'need' something and the best thing the caregivers can do is attend to their needs as quickly as they can, this way the baby will grow up safe in the knowledge that they can trust their basic needs to be met. There is evidence which suggests that this type of parenting will help the baby learn how to regulate their emotions (which is always good!)
Don't get me wrong though, no one is perfect and as long as we are 'Good enough Mums' we've done our best for our babies.
Sam can you try leaving him with an empty bottle until he's down and asleep? Or maybe a bottle with a newborn or preemie teat so he doesn't choke just enough to soothe? We're trying to wean ella off her bottle but she goes 'i'm tired, i need my bottle and go to bed' and its too cute... and if we put water. She says 'i want miiiiilk, don't like water'
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
What's the teddy made of? Those ones with the long hair/fur would make me uncomfortable, but if it's short like felt or denim I'd feel safer.
However, either way I'd persoanlly go in once he's asleep and take it off him.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
She's too old for that trick Sam lol she will go with squash instead of milk but my mum gave me and my bro milk at bedtime (not in a bottle) until we were'10 and so she gives in and when i get them back ella wants milk again. When she's poorly and waking up I give her squash as the milk makes her cough worse, she can go through 4 bottles in a night I have no idea where she puts it, you'd'think she'd'be peeing straight ribena the amount she gets through.
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
The teddy thing is pretty much short haired it's one with a little blanket attached. I did take it off him anyway which was a struggle as he was hugging it tight.
Sorry to hijack thread. But I'm having serious doubts on how well I'm going to be able to cope with a baby....
I've pretty much grown up in institutions, and am only just adjusting to doing stuff on my own, like cooking. I'll be going to a parenting assesment unit, which is also scary because they will be watching me do everything. I mess things up when people watch me.
I have another child protection meeting on the 8th. My cpn has recommended I get a legal representative. When I went to the first meeting, they all looked at me like I was dirt, they hardly spoke to me directly, like I'd done something really awful. I don't know if I can cope with that again either.
Sorry, I'm just having a bit of a freak out.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
dont worry about hijacking the thread thats what its here for,
you have to stay strong, I know its hard, but this is YOUR baby, and you have the right to take care of it, and I belive you can do it, you just need some support and guidance, I have never had the authorities or social worker involvement so i cant begin to imagine what that is like, but it sounds like they are putting everything in place to help, like the parenting assessment unit, you just need to show them how willing you are to make this work, that is what they want to see.
Im sorry I don't know you well enough to be more specific, but the authorities have a responsibility to protect your baby from harm, but as long as your willing and ask for help they wont judge you on that, they will be reassured that if your having problems you will be open and not hide it
Babies can be very demanding and if you are struggling to look after yourself they may ask how will you cope looking after a baby, but it can be done, ask anyone here, we have all had MH problems and we have all taken care of our babies, and sometimes its been so hard,
I think for me having a baby helped my recovery, because i used to say what does it matter, but now it matters so much cause there is somone who depends on me,who really needs me and I live for him, Im strong for him, and i fight off the depression for him, yes there are times ive thought of giving up, of SHing but i didnt do it cause he need me
babies are not that hard to look after they need food, to be kept clean, but mostly they need love, lots of cuddles and warmth, and yes it can be hard to know which one they need but take all the help you can get
and remember we are always here
Thankyou very much for saying all that, it really does mean a lot
I'm being as honest as I can with people, and my.cpn is being quite supportive
But she was telling me about other clients who have had children taken away because they had no legal representative. I don't know how to get a legal representative, I've had solicitors for mh sections, but they are just always kind of there.
It's really good you are managing to stay strong for your little one, and I hope I will feel the same when I have my little girl. I'm kind of hoping some sort of instinct will kick in when Ifirst hold her.
Xxx
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
im really glad that helped, I cant say how you will feel the first time you hold your baby girl, but it sounds to me very much like you want her, and you are already fighting for her and she is not here,
Sounds like your CPN is trying to do everything she can to help you keep your baby, from what you say, why dont you ask her where you can get legal representation, she may even be able to recommend someone who she has seen do a good job before, if not try the citizens advice bureau