Trauma is so tricky. I know it may feel as though it's been a long time, but it is entirely understandable to still be having feelings about what happened. It does get easier over time, even if it's not in hugely noticeable ways. I'm so sorry you're still struggling with it, though. Have you been able to access support recently?
Do you think it might be worth reaching out for support if you're having a hard time? Formal or otherwise? I know some sexual assault specific charities here have groups, even drop in style, which survivors can access. I know some have transitioned to online due to the pandemic. I don't know about where you are but also a lot of survivor-specific hotlines or groups are places you can call/email/etc to talk about stuff or even get referrals to local services here. I think people typically think of those being for recent issues but I know here and in other places I've lived it isn't only for immediately recent incidents, it can be used for things even decades earlier.
I really again want to reiterate that I'm sorry you're having a hard time. It really sucks how much an assault can impact your life even years down the line. I wish there was a quick and easy answer but I haven't found one yet. All I can really offer is solidarity and hope that things can improve for you.
Tomorrow is the five year anniversary. 19 months since I reported it and we're no further on. The case hasn't even been written up to send to the CPS yet.
if you think you know me in real life, no you don't.
I am sorry to hear that the police are taking so long to even send evidence to the CPS. That must be so frustrating and also prolongs the trauma of seeking prosecution.
I saw in general chat you said you gave into some urges. Is there anything you think you can do to try and keep from hurting yourself tomorrow? I also saw you have cosy bedding which sounds a good plan helping make bed feel safe.
Will be thinking of you tomorrow. Anniversaries can be really tough. Let us know if their is anything we can do to help xx
I'm so sorry that you're the one who has to struggle through this while he gets to move on. It's not right or fair at all. I hope you can get through today safely and your cats offer some comfort at least. If it helps to post here keep doing it. I'm thinking of you.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I'm just upset and angry and hurt. My police officer hasn't contacted me since January (apart from YESTERDAY. The DAY BEFORE THE ANNIVERSARY), my ISVA has been updating me and twice said "She's promised to phone you by the end of the week" and of course that never happens.
if you think you know me in real life, no you don't.
that sounds absolutely infuriating. your feelings are absolutely valid and we are sorry they are being so awful about not updating. we hope you were able to get through the day and got loads of cat snuggles.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I'm sorry you're scared, do you want to talk about it? Is this things moving forward in a positive way? I hope you have safe ways to manage your emotions. Is anyone there for you?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
So my officer has written up my case, and sent it to the evidence review officer, he has reviewed the case file and believes there is sufficient evidence to send this to the gatekeeper.
This means that the Detective Inspector will then review the case file and they will decide if there is a realistic prospect of conviction to send this to the Crown Prosecutor Service. I'll have an answer from them in a few weeks ideally.
If it does go to the CPS, I have to go to court. They will put measures in place but I have to either see him or hear his voice, at the very minimum I have to be there for the plea hearing.
If it doesn't go to the CPS, he gets away with it.
I have my ISVA (Independent Sexual Violence Advisor) as my support but typically, I got the email last Friday and shes been on holiday all week! In terms of any other support, no. I'm on my own.
if you think you know me in real life, no you don't.